Mary: I can't help thinking how odd it is that Shelly volunteered to go on a sleepover.
George: Oh, I don't know. He's growing up. It's natural for a young boy to want to spread his wings a little bit, try something new.
Mary: That's nonsense. Last week, I brought home the Raisin Bran with the sugar on the raisins. He almost lost his mind.

Tam: Sheldon. Did you hear anything I said?
Sheldon: Sorry, I was reliving a traumatic experience.
Tam: What do you mean?
Sheldon: Tam, I have a secret that's weighing on me, and I need to tell someone.
Tam: Okay. Tell me.
Sheldon: But I promised I wouldn't.
Tam: Okay. Then don't.
Sheldon: But it's driving me crazy.
Tam: Too bad you're not Catholic. You could confess it to a priest.
Sheldon: That's a great idea. You're Catholic. I'll confess it to you.
Tam: I'm not a priest.
Sheldon: I'm not a Catholic. It makes perfect sense.

Mary: None of that is necessary, it's for charity.
Sheldon: What's the point of charity if there are no tax benefits?
Mary: Eat your peas.
George: I like how he's thinking.
Mary: You eat your peas, too.

Sheldon: Oh, hello. I was just brushing my teeth like I do every night. [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] Nothing new there.
Mary: You all right?
Sheldon: Yes. I'm cool. I'm very cool.
Missy: Tell Sheldon what cool means.

Missy: You're so weird.
Sheldon: More than usual?
Missy: No, I guess not.
Sheldon: Perfect.

Adult Sheldon: To avoid looking suspicious, I tried to interact with my mom as little as possible. Thankfully, it's rude to speak with your mouth full.
Mary: You look tired, baby. Sleep okay?
Sheldon: [shoveling food into his mouth] Mm-hmm.
Mary: So how big a tax refund you think we're gonna get?
Sheldon: [pointing at his mouth] Mm.

Mary: Hey, have you noticed anything off with Sheldon?
George: Uh, no, no, no. Can't say that I have. Why?
Mary: He's been awful quiet, and, at the risk of being indelicate, he's gone several days without a bowel movement.
George: How do you know that?
Mary: Well, I was worried about him, so I took a look in his potty journal.
George: He's still keeping that thing, huh?
Mary: Oh, yeah, that's why he wanted the Polaroid camera.

George: Okay, I know you're having a tough time with this, but you're doing great. You spend some time at Tam's house, you know, clear your head, and come back home refreshed.
Sheldon: And then I can tell Mom?
George: Oh, no, you can never tell Mom.

George: Uh, in case something comes up, just give us a holler. I mean, a call. If you hollered, we wouldn't hear you. [CHUCKLES] That-that was a joke.
Trang Nguyen: [FORCED] Ha-ha-ha!
George: Okay, buddy, have fun.

Mary: Maybe it's me. Maybe I did something to upset him.
Meemaw: What are you talking about? He loves you like crazy. Much more than he loves this one.
George: It's true.

George: Okay, Connie, why don't we just come clean?
Meemaw: No.
George: You heard her. Now she's blaming herself. And Sheldon's so upset he's, he's acting like a regular kid.

Meemaw: All right, let's tell her.
George: Thank you.
Meemaw: But first I'm gonna tell her what you did at the picnic. Oh, Mary!
George: Okay, okay, shh. [SIGHS] I don't know how much longer we can keep this going.
Meemaw: I'm willing to find out.

Sheldon: Do you think your dad would ever ask you to keep a secret from your mom?
Tam: Oh, no. He's so honest, it's annoying.
Trang Nguyen: Enough talking. Sleep now.
Tam: She's just annoying.

Missy: I love everything about this.

George: I'm guessing you're mad at me.
Meemaw: Aw, forget about it.
George: I appreciate you not ratting me out about the picnic.
Meemaw: Well, we had a deal. Besides, your marriage is already hanging by a thread.
George: It is dangling there. All right, well, I'm gonna turn in. Good night.
Meemaw: Night!
[Meemaw phones Mary:]
Mary: Hello?
Meemaw: So, get a load of this. Last church picnic, your husband snuck in a six-pack, polished off the whole thing, then went to wait in line for the bathroom-
George: Hey. You got an extra toothbrush?
Meemaw: Under the sink, darlin'.
George: Thanks.
Meemaw: You got it. [returning to the phone call:] So then the big gorilla decides he doesn't want to wait in line, so he stumbles over to the church vegetable garden and proceeds to irrigate the whole damn thing.
Mary: I've eaten those vegetables.
Meemaw: Sweet dreams. [LAUGHS]