Meemaw: Can you believe he tried to win me back with a dinette set?
George Sr.: I'd give you a dinette set if you'd leave Texas.

Dale: Did you see Connie last night?
George Sr.: Yeah, at dinner.
Dale: She say anything about me?
George Sr.: Please leave me out of this.
Dale: Oh, come on, we're friends, George, and I'm your boss.
George Sr.: She said she wants her bra back.
Dale: Uh, the purple one that opens in the front?
George Sr.: Really don't want to hear about this.
Dale: Well, you're the one that brought it up.

Dr. John Sturgis: Excuse me. I'm looking for Ira.
Ira Rosenbloom: At your service. What can I do for you?
Dr. John Sturgis: You, sir, have overstepped your bounds.
Ira Rosenbloom: I'm sorry, what?
Dr. John Sturgis: Miss Constance Tucker made it clear your courtship was no longer welcome, and you responded with six chairs, a table, and an expansion leaf.
Ira Rosenbloom: Who are you?
Dr. John Sturgis: John Sturgis, the man she chose and your romantic rival.
Ira Rosenbloom: I-I'm sorry, wait, what-what is it you want from me?
Dr. John Sturgis: I want you to give up your pursuit of Connie.
Ira Rosenbloom: All right, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave my store.
Dr. John Sturgis: Very well. The line in the sand has been drawn. Cross it at your own peril.
Ira Rosenbloom: Weirdo.
Dr. John Sturgis: What was that?
Ira Rosenbloom: You heard me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sir, I am a man with feelings. And you have hurt them.

Mary: I'm sorry y'all find this funny, but this is the first time my mother's expressed real interest in a man since Dad died. Forgive me for wanting to know more.
Meemaw: You really want to know more? Imagine you're getting on in years, you and your husband about to retire, get a little timeshare in Sarasota, and suddenly he's gone, and you're all alone. You mourn, you cry, but eventually you move on. You start dating a little, and it's all good fun. But always in the back of your mind, there's that question "Will I be alone in the end?"
George Sr.: [sniffling, rubbing a tear from his eye] Why y'all looking at me for?

Meemaw: Georgie ain't here.
Mandy: I came to talk to you.
Meemaw: Could you please take your voice down just a notch?
Mandy: Why? You don't want anyone to hear?
Meemaw: No, I'm a little hungover.
Mandy: [shakes laundry trolley] How could you not tell me he was 17?
Meemaw: Look, I did tell him to tell you before things went too far.
Mandy: Well, they did go too far.
Meemaw: Well, I get it. Men are the worst. I'm going through stuff myself.
Mandy: We are not bonding over this!
Meemaw: Listen. Just calm down.
Mandy: Don't tell me to calm down! And good luck with your hangover. [slams dryer lid] [exits]
Meemaw: Well, that's too bad. I liked her.

Ira Rosenbloom: John, you're a great guy.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, you, too!
Ira Rosenbloom: But I hope you understand, I just I can't give up on Connie.
Dr. John Sturgis: That's all right. To tell you the truth, I'm finding the competition quite exhilarating.
Ira Rosenbloom: You are?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, yes. The night the dinette set arrived, I did my first push-up in 40 years.
Ira Rosenbloom: I'm sorry, but I find that to be, uh- What's the word, Astro-boobulous?
Dr. John Sturgis: Ostrobogulous.
Ira Rosenbloom: Ostrobogulous.
Dr. John Sturgis: Exactly.

Sheldon: Normally I don't like facial hair, but Spock makes it work.

Meemaw: And by the way, you can tell your friend Dale that I want my stuff back.
George Sr.: I'm not getting in the middle of this.
Meemaw: 'Cause I left my purple bra over at his place.
Missy: I want a purple bra.
Mary: Oh, Lord.
Meemaw: And if I'm gonna start dating again, I'm gonna need that.
George Sr.: Somebody else needs to talk.
Sheldon: Did you know that Leonard Nimoy takes pictures of...
George Sr.: Georgie?

Sheldon: Are you two fighting?
Meemaw: No.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, good. I was almost certain that we were.
Meemaw: We are.
Sheldon: I'm confused.
Dr. John Sturgis: Me, too.

George Sr.: He's gonna be fine.
Mary: You don't have to tell me that. I know he's gonna be fine.
George Sr.: If you believe that, why aren't you in bed right now?
Mary: Because this is the same boy who couldn't find his way out of that sleeping bag.
George Sr.: He made his way out. Just took him five or ten minutes.

Missy: Mom, since Sheldon cost you all that money, who's your new favorite Me or Georgie?
Mary: You know I don't have favorites.
George Jr.: Yeah, right.
Mary: Okay, whoever takes the trash out first is my favorite.
Missy: She thinks we're stupid.

Mary: How do you plan on delivering these papers?
Sheldon: Bicycle.
Mary: You don't know how to ride a bicycle.
Sheldon: There's nothing I can't learn. A week ago, I didn't know how to take apart a refrigerator.

Meemaw: Georgie. Give me my damn keys.
George Jr.: Oh, yeah. Here.
Meemaw: Thank you. How did I beat you here?
Missy: We kept hitting garbage cans.
Meemaw: Oh God.

President Hagemeyer: George Cooper, meet Gary O'Brien, the antistatic furniture king.
Gary: Hello.
George Sr.: Shocking to meet you.
President Hagemeyer: Don't do that.

Mandy: Oh, God, is that my yearbook?
George Jr.: Dang, y'all had some big hair.
Mandy: You're gonna talk to me about big hair?
George Jr.: You think it's big now, wait till it gets humid.

Sheldon: I need to wash my hands. There are germs here that can kill you.

George Sr.: I thought you ended things with her.
Dale: Yeah, not my fault she's okay with it.
George Sr.: You know what's better than going on and on about it?
Dale: What's that?
[cut to Dale grunting as he punches a boxing bag in the store:]
George Sr.: Come on, you can do better than that. Punch her new car. [Dale grunts] Don't forget it's yellow.
Dale: I mean, since when are cars yellow? It's not a taxi.
George Sr.: Less talking, more punching.
Dale: Can I at least have some gloves? My hands hurt.
George Sr.: Well, aren't you a tender buttercup.

Paige: You didn't stay for the Q and A.
Sheldon: I had no Q's, and therefore, needed no A's.

Paige: So, did you guys get, like, assigned to look after Sheldon or something?
Darren: No, he ended up in the room next door.
Oscar: So we took him in, like a dog.
Paige: Him being so young isn't, like, weird?
Sheldon: I'm basically 50.
Darren: And we're basically 12, so it all works out.

Sheldon: Thank you, Georgie. You've been a wonderful teacher, and I'm very appreciative that you took the ti- Ah! My hands are black! Why are my hands black?
George Jr.: Relax. It's just the ink from the papers.
Sheldon: Why wasn't I warned of this?! [running his hands under a tap] Out, damned spot! That's from Shakespeare!