Dr. John Sturgis: Excuse me. I'm looking for Ira.
Ira Rosenbloom: At your service. What can I do for you?
Dr. John Sturgis: You, sir, have overstepped your bounds.
Ira Rosenbloom: I'm sorry, what?
Dr. John Sturgis: Miss Constance Tucker made it clear your courtship was no longer welcome, and you responded with six chairs, a table, and an expansion leaf.
Ira Rosenbloom: Who are you?
Dr. John Sturgis: John Sturgis, the man she chose and your romantic rival.
Ira Rosenbloom: I-I'm sorry, wait, what-what is it you want from me?
Dr. John Sturgis: I want you to give up your pursuit of Connie.
Ira Rosenbloom: All right, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave my store.
Dr. John Sturgis: Very well. The line in the sand has been drawn. Cross it at your own peril.
Ira Rosenbloom: Weirdo.
Dr. John Sturgis: What was that?
Ira Rosenbloom: You heard me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sir, I am a man with feelings. And you have hurt them.

Meemaw: Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that word "hello" wasn't used as a greeting - until the invention of the telephone?
Meemaw: Hi, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: To end a phone call, it was suggested to say, "That is all."
Meemaw: Is that all, John?
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I wanted to invite you to dinner tomorrow night.
Meemaw: Great. Where we going?
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that. It's a surprise.
Meemaw: You want to give me a clue so I'll know how to dress?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, dress as if you were going to a Mexican restaurant.
Meemaw: Oh, we're going to Puerta Roja.
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that, it would ruin the surprise.
Meemaw: John, you do realize that I'll be the one driving us there.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine, we're going to Puerta Roja, but everything else is a surprise. That is all!

Dr. John Sturgis: See, this is why we're great together. You teach me about social etiquette, and I teach you about beaver anuses.
Meemaw: [CHUCKLES] It is magical.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know "ani" is also acceptable as the plural of "anus"?
Meemaw: And the magic continues.

Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that there's a type of vanilla flavoring derived from the anal glands of the North American beaver?
Meemaw: That seems like a fact you could have shared before we started eating.
Dr. John Sturgis: It isn't used very often. I understand it's difficult to, uh, milk the little sacs.
Meemaw: Cool. Okay, new topic.

Adult Sheldon: In that moment, I had an epiphany. I could draw up a contract for any social relationship. It was a helpful way to remove ambiguity in a world that was often hard to understand. Article three Sheldon will not spy on Meemaw's house with binoculars.

Adult Sheldon: I would go on to draw up such contracts throughout my life. With roommates. With my wife. Even with my own children.

Mary: And is that really necessary?
Meemaw: The Italians call it "corretto". It means correcting the drink.
Mary: So, a drink without alcohol in it is wrong?
Meemaw: Yep. Italian people, they know what's up.