Sheldon: Well?
Randall: Do you even have a resume?
Sheldon: No, but I have a report card that'll knock your socks off.

Dr. John Sturgis: I just need to borrow your phone to call a cab.
Meemaw: Why?
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't drive.
Meemaw: Well, how did you get here?
Dr. John Sturgis: I rode my bicycle.
Meemaw: You rode your bicycle?
Dr. John Sturgis: I have a Schwinn Speedster. It's got three gears. I only use one.

Adult Sheldon: In that moment, I had an epiphany. I could draw up a contract for any social relationship. It was a helpful way to remove ambiguity in a world that was often hard to understand. Article three Sheldon will not spy on Meemaw's house with binoculars.

Adult Sheldon: Not since sharing a uterus with my twin sister have I been so unhappy sitting next to someone.

Meemaw: Maybe you got a little crush on her.
Sheldon: Do you want me to kick your seat?
Meemaw: I don't know, Moonpie. I'm still thinking it might be jealousy.
Sheldon: Give me one reason why I would be jealous.
Meemaw: Well, Dr. Sturgis means a lot to you, and now he's paying attention to somebody else. You're used to being the only smart kid around, and now there's another. Oh, and there's the possibility-
Sheldon: I said one reason, thank you.

Sheldon: And she's such a know-it-all.
Meemaw: Yeah, you mentioned that.
Sheldon: I'm surprised her arm wasn't sore from raising her hand so much.
Meemaw: Yep, sure.
Sheldon: And who goes to college with stickers on their notepad?
Meemaw: I don't know.
Sheldon: Unicorn stickers!

Mary: I pray that you protect Sheldon in all that he does.
Sheldon: What are you doing?
Mary: I'm praying for you.
Sheldon: She needs it more than I do.
Mary: You think I didn't start with her?

Mary: It's awful. It makes sin seem like a good thing.
George: Well, that's the problem, isn't it? I mean, if sin didn't seem like a good thing, nobody would do it.
Mary: George, please, I'm in no mood.
George: Hey. Wrath. That's one of the seven sins, right?
Mary: Pastor Jeff gave me this project because he knew I'd be best at it. Now Gene Lundy is taking over.
George: Oh, look, pride. And envy. Don't stop. Four sins to go. I'm guessing lust ain't happening tonight.

Sheldon: Now we need to put in a name before we start.
Meemaw: What are you thinking?
Sheldon: We should combine the letters in our two names, Sheldon and Meemaw.
Meemaw: Like, uh, ShelMaw?
Sheldon: No, using all the letters, like Emelda Showmen.
Meemaw: Did you just do that in your head?
Sheldon: Yes, why?
Meemaw: Never mind, just put it down.

Adult Sheldon: Since that night, I've battled orcs, zombies, Nazis, Nazi-zombies, a dinosaur in a go-kart, and played Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" on a stringless, plastic guitar. But nothing would ever compare to that first quest with my meemaw. Although Leonard pulling a groin muscle doing Dance Dance Revolution was a close second.

Paige: You know, I read that adults who had a stunted childhood often become social misfits and weirdos.
Sheldon: You didn't read that, you're making it up like your goat story.
Paige: Psychology Magazine, February issue, 1988.
Sheldon: Well, um, that doesn't make it true.
Paige: Guess you'll find out when you're an adult.
Sheldon: I guess I will.
Adult Sheldon: Well, we know how this story ends. I grew up to become a well-adjusted and charming fellow. But at that moment in time, she had me worried.

George: So, John, how was your first driving lesson?
Dr. John Sturgis: Intense. At one point, I was approaching an intersection. The light was green, but at the last moment, it turned yellow. I didn't know what to do. Should I keep going? Should I stop? There were other cars nearby. Connie was yelling. A glare from the sun was in my eyes.
Sheldon: So, what happened?
Dr. John Sturgis: Somehow, I managed to make it through, turned on my directional, and slowly pulled to the side of the road.
Sheldon: That's how you tell a scary story.

Nora: So, we've got a tummyache?
Sheldon: Yes. I'm afraid it might be cholera.
Nora: Again?
Sheldon: I have one of the symptoms.
Nora: Okay, on a scale of one to ten, what's your pain level?
Sheldon: Three point four seven.
Nora: That's pretty serious. But since you're at a 3.47, I'm gonna give you the strongest medication I'm allowed to give you.
Sheldon: You're an angel of mercy, Nurse Nora. Ooh, cherry.

Sheldon: What's going on?
Nurse Robinson: This is Ricky, your new roommate.
Mary: Nice to meet you.
Nurse Robinson: [to Ricky] I am so sorry.

Sheldon: One second. Excuse me, Nurse Robinson?
Nurse Robinson: Yes?
Sheldon: Will you give this Iron Man comic to Ricky?
Nurse Robinson: I'll see that he gets it.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Nurse Robinson: Mm-hmm.
Sheldon: And thank you for taking care of me.
Nurse Robinson: You're welcome. You stay healthy.
Sheldon: I will.
Nurse Robinson: When did he become nice?