Meemaw: I'm sorry she ruined your picture, but, you know, she's having a bad day.
Sheldon: Oh, please, she can find another boyfriend.
Meemaw: I know you're mad at her.
Sheldon: I hate her.
Meemaw: Hey, don't say that about family.
Sheldon: You say mean stuff about my dad.
Meemaw: That's different. He deserves it.

Sheldon: Why are you taking that down?
Missy: It's time to grow up.
Sheldon: Leave it there.
Missy: You don't even like Cyndi Lauper.
Sheldon: No, but it's part of my daily routine. Every morning I wake up, look over there and wonder, "Why is she standing like this?"
Missy: Too bad. It's my room.
Sheldon: It's my room, too.
Missy: Yeah, and I don't get a say in any of your stupid posters.
Sheldon: These are the smartest men who ever lived, so if anyone's stupid, it's you for saying that.
Missy: Shut up!
Sheldon: You're very irritable. This might be why you're having boy problems.

Missy: Did you not see the sign?
Sheldon: I did. It's not legally binding. I asked Dad. What are you doing?
Missy: Getting rid of my stupid toys.
Sheldon: Hmm. Even your Cabbage Patch doll?
Missy: I don't need a doll.
Sheldon: Good. She was starting to smell like actual cabbage.

Sheldon: I have a problem.
George Sr.: What now?
Sheldon: Missy put a "Do not enter" sign on our bedroom door, and I'm all for obeying posted signage, but it is my room, and I feel that gives me right of entry. Thoughts?
George Sr.: You don't want to go in there.
Sheldon: But I do. Is Missy even authorized to put up a sign? And if so, does that mean I can put up a sign?
George Sr.: I don't know.
Sheldon: Because if I put up a "Do enter" sign, which sign would have precedence? Do we have a lawyer? I should talk to a lawyer.
George Sr.: She's having boy problems. Just give her space.
Sheldon: Emotionally or legally?
George Sr.: Emotionally.
Sheldon: Excellent. Ignoring emotions is where I shine.
George Sr.: Clearly.

Adult Sheldon: Classical physics can predict a lot about the world. For example, it can tell us what happens when one pool ball knocks into another. But when multiple balls careen in different directions, we've entered the wild and woolly world of nonlinear dynamics. And you don't need me to tell you that it's impossible to predict what will happen next. Actually, based on the state of our educational system, you probably do. Now imagine those are people. Even a brilliant young ball who graduated high school at 11 can be caught in the maelstrom. Aah! Our first collision was set in motion when Pastor Jeff and Robin had their baby.

Meemaw: Thanks for inviting John to dinner tonight.
Mary: Oh, my pleasure.
Meemaw: I've been a little bit worried about him. You know, with what happened last time.
Mary: At least he didn't seem unstable when I talked to him.
Meemaw: The man has a doctorate in science, and he's filling people's grocery bags.
Mary: He actually did a really nice job. He put the heavy things on the bottom. He kept the cold things together.
Meemaw: Mary.
Mary: Well, they don't always do that.

Meemaw: I can't believe we have to drink so much of that garbage.
Dale: [sighs] Well, the important thing is, we get to do it together, dear.
Meemaw: You are so full of crap.
Dale: Well, not for much longer. Excuse me, the festivities have begun.
Meemaw: You're taking that whole thing with you?
Dale: I'm gonna be a while.

Meemaw: Hang on there a minute, moon pie. I want to teach you somethin'. Look at your cards, and then look in the mirror.
Sheldon: Hey, I'm smiling.
Meemaw: Uh-huh. And what does that tell me about your cards?
Sheldon: That I like them?
Meemaw: Attaboy. Now look at my face. Tell me what you see.
Sheldon: That you're old.
Meemaw: It's a good thing I love you.

Adult Sheldon: My father took pride in saying that he ran our house like a tight ship. The ship got a lot looser when my meemaw came over to babysit.

Meemaw: So how's everything going with your supercollider?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, up until Wednesday at 6:43, wonderful.
Meemaw: What happened at 6:43?
Dr. John Sturgis: That's when they fired me.
Meemaw: What? Why did they fire you?
Dr. John Sturgis: Eh, probably because of what happened at 6:14.
[flashback:]
Reporter: So, Dr. Sturgis, what would you say to local residents who are concerned about the supercollider's safety? Is there a chance that Waxahachie could be the next Chernobyl?
Dr. John Sturgis: Absolutely not. The supercollider is very different from a nuclear power plant. This can't melt down. The worst it could do would be to create a microscopic black hole.
Reporter: And what would that do?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, it's unlikely, but, uh, it could grow until it swallowed up the entire Earth. And possibly the Moon. Next question.

Meemaw: Do you really think your supercollider could make a black hole?
Dr. John Sturgis: There is about a one-in-a-trillion chance it could.
Meemaw: Friendly advice... next time somebody asks you if your work could destroy the world, just say no.

Dr. John Sturgis: I've been doing science all my life. [stammers] It's time for something else.
Meemaw: Like what?
Dr. John Sturgis: Maybe scrimshaw? That's, uh, carving art into whale bone.
Meemaw: You really want to spend your day carving a whale bone?
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know what else I'd do with it.
Meemaw: Oh, come on, you're a scientist. This is just silly.
Dr. John Sturgis: Connie... I'm 72 and just lost my dream job. [chuckles] Right now, uh... I think I need to, uh... take a step back.
Meemaw: The Texan in me wants to say get back on the horse. But I won't.

Sheldon: It's so exciting he's back. How did he look?
Meemaw: The same.
Sheldon: Good, I was afraid he might've shrunk more. [Meemaw chuckles] Although maybe you both shrunk and you couldn't tell.
Meemaw: Hey! I'm still taller than you, so watch it.

Sheldon: It'll be great to have him back at the university.
Meemaw: Actually... doesn't sound like he's going back.
Sheldon: Why not?
Meemaw: He's a little upset about getting fired, and... says he's ready for a change.
Sheldon: An old person trying something new? That's funny.
Meemaw: You'll be old one day, too, pal.
Sheldon: I already don't like new things. Bring it on.

Sheldon: I can't believe they would fire you just for mentioning a theory about black holes.
Dr. John Sturgis: It's just as well. It was time this old horse was put out to pasture.
Mary: Don't say that. You're not old.
Missy: He's not?
Mary: No.
Missy: But look at his bald head.
Mary: Eat your peas.

Meemaw: Wait, what's an "event horizon"?
Sheldon: It just means the edge.
Meemaw: Why not say "the edge"?
George Jr.: The guitar player for U is called the Edge.
George Sr.: What does that have to do with anything?
George Jr.: I'm participating in the conversation. You're just sitting there like a lump.
Meemaw: [snorts] "Lump."
Sheldon: Anyway, ordinarily, the particles would collide and destroy each other.
Dr. John Sturgis: But in this instance, they could exist simultaneously.
George Sr.: And what is the significance of that? [to Georgie] I can participate, smart-ass.
George Jr.: Good job, lump.

[fantasy:]
Meemaw: John, I'm sorry, I don't mean to push, but I just, I worry about you.
Dr. John Sturgis: You do?
Meemaw: Of course. You know I care about you.
Dr. John Sturgis: That means a lot. The truth is, if I could live in an alternate universe, I'd live in one where we never broke up. I hope it's okay to say that.
Meemaw: It is. Because I wish it, too.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, Connie.
Meemaw: Oh, John.
[reality:]
Meemaw: John? John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Huh?
Meemaw: If you could live in an alternate universe, what would it be?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, I haven't really given it any thought.

[fantasy:]
Dr. John Sturgis: [Southern accent] To us, it'd be as normal as boots on a cowboy.
George Jr.: That is wild.
Missy: Dr. Sturgis is correct. If indeed we grew up in another universe, our sense of normality would be formed by that universe.
George Sr.: That's enough. There are no other universes. The Bible tells us God created the Earth, not the Earths.
Mary: Ugh, why did I have to marry a preacher?
George Sr.: Because it was God's will to bless us with union.
Mary: I hope it's his plan that I hit the clubs tonight, 'cause that's gonna happen. [laughs]
Sheldon: Why am I the only normal one in this family?
Missy: If you're the only normal one, statistically speaking, you're abnormal.
George Jr.: [chuckles] Freak.

Sheldon: I can't understand why you wouldn't want to come back to the university.
Dr. John Sturgis: Science is a young man's game.
Sheldon: But we could work on something together. If you average out our ages, we're a lean, mean forty-one and a half.

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, it's so wonderful to see you all. Thank you for having me.
Sheldon: It's great to see you, too.
Dr. John Sturgis: And, Mary, I believe I recognize these tater tots from when I packed them in your bag.
Missy: [to Mary] You're killing me.