Sheldon: [answering phone] Cooper residence.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis. I'd love to talk to you, but I'm right in the middle of Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a good one. Geordi goes missing, but Wesley Crusher has a plan to use neutrinos to locate him, since they'd be visible to Geordi's visor.
Dr. John Sturgis: I was actually calling to speak to your father. But I'm glad you're having fun with your friends.
Sheldon: Hang on. I'll go get him. Dad! Phone call!
Adult Sheldon: Even though Dr. Sturgis was confused, one day, Wesley Crusher really would be my friend. Neat, huh?

Mary: Well, if it's everywhere, how can we fight it?
Pastor Jeff: We may not be able to control the world, but we can control our homes. It's up to us to create an environment where the sin of greed can find no purchase.
Mary: Is that what you've done in your home?
Pastor Jeff: Well, I do make my toast vertically, two slices at a time. Take that, Satan.

Dr. John Sturgis: Here we go.
Adult Sheldon: For many kids, Christmas morning was the most exciting day of the year. That's only because most kids don't know the joy of getting their college midterms back. It also didn't hurt that Dr. Sturgis looked like an elf.
Dr. John Sturgis: Nice work, Sheldon. Now, you'll notice that your grades are lower than expected. That's because Sheldon did so well, he broke the curve, turning your A's and B's into B's and C's.
Sheldon: They don't seem happy about it. Maybe you can give them candy.

Sheldon: I have a problem with this permission slip. You didn't cut them in half evenly. Mine has two holes, and Derek here just has one.
Ms. MacElroy: Then trade.
Sheldon: Then Derek will have two holes, and mine will have one.
Ms. MacElroy: You're not going to the water park anyway!

Principal Petersen: I've asked you all here because we got a situation. George Cooper's considering a job at a college and taking Sheldon with him.
Mr. Givens: Yes!
Ms. MacElroy: Is it far away? I hope it's far away.
Mr. Givens: Maybe it's overseas.
Ms. Ingram: Ooh, like Fiji.

Mary: Well, um, I'm concerned George and Georgie might be succumbing to the sin of greed.
Pastor Jeff: Ooh, that's a biggie.
Mary: Ever since Georgie started making money, he's been very disrespectful. Meanwhile, my husband's so busy trying to land a better job, he doesn't even care how it might affect Sheldon.
Pastor Jeff: I'm sorry to hear that. In Luke 12:15, Jesus says, "Watch out. Be on your guard against all kinds of greed. Life does not consist in an abundance of possessions."
Mary: I know, but it seems like the whole world is sending the opposite message.
Pastor Jeff: Don't I know it. Just the other day, I was at the mall and a toaster oven caught my eye. Next thing you know, I was in line to buy it, and I realized I have a toaster and I have an oven. What am I doing? Turns out Satan doesn't just hide out in honky-tonks and casinos. Sometimes he's in the appliance section of Sears.

Sheldon: Are we going to watch an educational film?
Mr. Givens: We're gonna watch Star Trek.
Sheldon: Star Trek in school? Wowie Zowie.

Sheldon: You wanted to see me?
Principal Petersen: When don't I want to see you, Sheldon? Come in. I have something I'd like to give you. This is a key to the faculty restroom. No students allowed. One person at a time. And unlike the other restrooms, this one gets cleaned every night.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Principal Petersen: No, Sheldon. Thank you.
Sheldon: You're welcome.

Mary: There are more important things than money.
George: That's cute. You should knit that on a pillow.
Mary: [to herself] Maybe I'll push that pillow over your face.

George: You want to explain yourself?
Mary: I am taking our house back from the forces of evil.
Georgie: What's evil about Black Sabbath?
Missy: You're not helping.

Dale: Okay. This is where I spend all my time, yet somehow my ex-wife owns half of it.
Meemaw: Mm, not bitter at all. Good for you.
Dale: We got baseball over here and got football right there and then hunting and fishing in the back. Oh, yeah. And this hockey puck has been here since Jimmy Carter was president.
Meemaw: You'd think a sport with a bunch of white boys beating each other up would be more popular in Texas.

Meemaw: Oh, my grandson's been wanting some weights.
Dale: Sheldon? Hell, can't he just lift a soup can or something?
Meemaw: The other grandson. The pretty one with the hair.

Dr. John Sturgis: So, uh, the university has taken notice of Sheldon's talents, and they would very much like him to enroll full-time.
George: Yeah, we've been down this road, John. Sheldon's only ten. Mary and I both have jobs. We just can't make it work.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that's why they asked me to speak to you. They're looking to sweeten the pot. That's a gambling metaphor. A lesser-known version is "sweeten the kitty." I assume the difference is regional, but I'm no etymologist. This beer is yummy. Mmm!

Georgie: What's for dinner?
Mary: Meatloaf.
Georgie: Oh. I think I'm gonna go out to eat.
Mary: No, you are not. We're having dinner as a family.
Georgie: Yeah, but I got money now and I can do what I want. And what I want is a chimichanga at Chi-Chi's.
Missy: I want a chimichanga from Chi-Chi's.
Meemaw: They do have a good margarita.
Mary: [to Georgie] You are eating here. [Missy] So are you. [Meemaw] I don't care what you do.

Georgie: Later.
Mary: Georgie Cooper. Do not walk out of that door. Georgie!
Meemaw: That's a kerfuffle.