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405 - A Musty Crypt and a Stick to Pee On

Aired Thursday, December 17, 2020
A Musty Crypt and a Stick to Pee On

As Mary and George take a trip with Coach Wilkins and his wife, Dale tries to show another side of himself as he joins Meemaw in looking after Sheldon and Missy for the weekend. Meanwhile, Georgie panics when Jana thinks she's pregnant.

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Episode Notes

  • Title Reference: "A Musty Crypt" refers to the game of Dungeons and Dragons and "a Stick to Pee On" refers to Georgie and Jana's pregnancy scare.
  • Opening Credits Sequence: Sheldon is dressed like Albert Einstein as a cow approaches the family.
  • When Missy is playing Dungeons and Dragons with Sheldon, Meemaw and Dale, she says she wants her character to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Later, as she fantasises about her character being a ninja turtle, the theme song to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles plays. Chuck Lorre, the creator of The Big Bang Theory and Young Sheldon, co-wrote that song.


Mary: So you've stayed at this hotel before?
George Sr.: Oh, yeah. It's nice. They got an indoor pool and a killer breakfast buffet. There's even a real nice gym we'll walk right past on the way to the breakfast buffet.

George Jr.: Just out of curiosity, when exactly are you and Mom leaving, and when exactly are y'all coming back?
George Sr.: You're not bringing your girlfriend here.
George Jr.: Excuse me for taking an interest in your life.
George Sr.: Besides, your grandma'll be here the whole time.
George Jr.: Never mind. Wait. So her house'll be empty?
George Sr.: Look, I used to be your age, but can you try thinking with your brain for once?
George Jr.: If you used to be my age, I think you know the answer to that.

George Sr.: This is ridiculous.
Coach Wilkins: Just do it, you baby.
George Sr.: Fine. Mary, I appreciate you.
Coach Wilkins: That's the best you can do? Baby, you have any single friends for this poor woman?
George Sr.: Mary, I appreciate how much you take care of the house and... all of us. I know it's not easy.
Mary: Thank you. That means a lot.
Coach Wilkins: I love it. Mary, you're up.
Mary: [chuckles] Well, George... I appreciate how hard you work. I know you make a lot of sacrifices for us, and you don't get enough credit for that.
George Sr.: Thank you.

Dale: I figured we'd order pizza.
Missy: Okay.
Dale: What do you want on it?
Missy: Everything except onions, green peppers, mushrooms, spinach...
Dale: No vegetables. Got it.
Meemaw: How about a little salad, too?
Missy: If you like wasting money.
Meemaw: Spoken like a true Texan.

Darlene: Ooh, this camper is so cool.
Mary: We borrowed it from my mom's boyfriend.
George Sr.: Yeah, you might not want to poke around too much. You find my mother-in-law's bra, I'm driving into a brick wall.

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Featured Music

Episode Trivia

  • In which city is George and Coach Wilkins' conference being held?
    • Lubbock
    • Fort Worth
    • San Antonio
    • Austin
  • In Georgie's fantasy, which band phones and asks him to be their guitarist?
    • Aerosmith
    • Nirvana
    • Guns 'n Roses
    • Bon Jovi
  • Missy learned communication was important from which show?
    • The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
    • Full House
    • ALF
    • The Simpsons

Episode Recap

When Mary asks Sheldon what he’s working on, he explains he’s creating a new Dungeons and Dragons campaign to play with Tam and Billy. After Mary reminds him how she feels about the game, Sheldon says the most wicked thing in it is his sense of humor. Mary is at least happy Sheldon is playing with other kids, so she’ll take it as a win. Adult Sheldon says he enjoyed not just playing with others, but controlling every aspect of their destiny. He might not believe in God, but he enjoys acting like one.

When Mary answers the door to Coach Wilkins, she explains George has just gone to grab some beers. Wayne says his wife Darlene was wondering if Mary was going to pack anything nice for the coaches conference that weekend Mary is confused and she wasn’t going and is surprised to hear Darlene is. Wayne points out it’s a free weekend in San Antonio in a hotel on the river, of course Darlene’s going. Wayne is surprised George didn’t invite her. When George returns with a pack of beers, Mary and Wayne glare at him.

As Mary and George argue in their bedroom, Mary says she can’t believe he didn’t even think to invite her. George asks if that’s not better than thinking about it and then deciding not to. Mary says both would make him a jerk. George asks since when is she interested in coaches conferences? After Mary says she’s interested in a hotel by the river, George concedes the hotel is pretty nice. Meanwhile, Missy finds Coach Wilkins on the couch and asks what’s up. Coach Wilkins explains he’s watching a football game with her dad, only he’s currently getting yelled at by Mary.

When Mary goes over to Meemaw’s house, she asks her mother if she would watch the kids this weekend. After Meemaw says yes, Mary admits she was worried she might have had plans with Dale. Mary wonders what’s wrong when Meemaw doesn’t sound so enthused about the relationship. Meemaw explains Dale is trying to be a better person and… it’s weird. It just doesn’t seem natural. After Meemaw asks Mary where she’s going, Mary explains they’re attending a coaches conference in San Antonio. Meemaw congratulates her daughter on weaseling her way into that.

When George goes to grab some luggage from the garage, Georgie is working out. Georgie asks his dad when, exactly, he will be leaving and when, exactly, he will be coming back. George tells him he’s not having his girlfriend over. Besides, his grandmother will be there the whole time. Georgie almost gives up and then realizes Meemaw's house will be empty all weekend. George says he used to be Georgie’s age once, and asks if he could just try thinking with his brain for once. Georgie says if he was once his age, he’d know the answer to that.

As Sheldon works on his D&D campaign, Mary tells him that she’s leaving in a few minutes, and will be back on Sunday but his Meemaw will be here. When a distracted Sheldon doesn’t respond, Mary calls his name again. After Mary says she’s going now, Sheldon peppers her with questions: where’s she going, when’s she coming back, who’ll be looking after him. Mary finally fills Sheldon in and asks for a hug.

At the sporting goods store, Georgie tells Jana he’s just finishing up when she comes to see him. When Georgie asks her what she wants to do tonight, Jana says she was thinking they should do a test. Georgie wonders what kind of test. Jana tells him the… pregnancy kind. A stunned Georgie tells a customer who just walked in that they’re closed.

As Georgie closes up the store, he tells Jana this can’t be happening. When he asks how sure she is, Jana admits she’s not sure at all, that’s why she wants the test. Georgie says she doesn’t look pregnant, but Jana points out that’s not how it works. Jana says they should just go to the drug store. When she remarks that she feels sick, Georgie tells her not to say that.

As George drives with Mary in Dale’s campervan to go pick up Coach Wilkins and Darlene, Mary asks if he’s stayed at this hotel before. George says there’s a heated pool and a gym he walks right past on the way to the breakfast buffet. Mary wishes he’d told her about the pool as she’d have packed her bathing suite. George says hotels have pools, he didn’t think he’d have to mention it. After Mary says she guesses they’re not going to the pool then, George tells her to speak for herself as he remembered to bring his suite. Mary wonders if George is going to act like this the whole way there, calling him a “monkey butt”. As he pulls the campervan over, George laughs and says there’s got to be a better insult, but Mary wants to stop arguing now that Coach Wilkins and Darlene are about to get in.

Back at the Cooper house, Dale tells Meemaw and Missy he figured they’d order pizza. Missy is okay with that. When he asks what she wants on it, Missy says "everything except onions, green peppers, mushrooms, spinach…” When Dale asks what Sheldon’s like, Missy says a pain in the ass. After Meemaw says Dale meant what would Sheldon like on his pizza, Missy shouts to ask him. When a glum Sheldon walks in the room, he says he doesn’t want anything, he’s not hungry. After Meemaw asks what’s the matter, Sheldon explains he was supposed to play D&D with his friends but they canceled. When Dale proposes they play it with him, Meemaw says that’s nice but she doesn’t think he’ll enjoy it. Dale wonders if Meemaw’s scared he’d beat her. Sheldon points out there’s no one winner, explaining it’s a cooperative game played according to a series of pre-planned scenarios and the rolling of some polyhedral dice.

When Georgie returns to the truck with a pregnancy test, Jana asks if anyone saw him. Georgie says no, and although he didn’t recognise the guy behind the counter, he used an Italian accent just to be safe. After Georgie hands her the test and tells her to do it, Jana says she can’t do it there as she needs to pee on it. Georgie points out they’ve done weirder stuff in the truck.

As George drives Mary and the Wilkinses to the conference, George says he made a reservation at a great steakhouse by the river. Wayne is excited to hear that, but remembers he forgot to pack his dress shoes. Mary chides George, saying it would help if he’d mention these things ahead of time. When Darlene says Wayne is always doing stuff like this, Mary is relieved to hear it’s not just them. After Darlene goes on to say she packed Wayne’s shoes last night, Wayne tells her she’s the best and she counters that he’s the best. Mary starts to think it is just them.

As Dale, Meemaw and Missy sit at the table with Sheldon, Dale asks how they play Dungeons & Dragons. Sheldon explains they need to pick their characters. Missy wants to be a “Ninja Turtle Princess of Power”, but Sheldon says they have to be one of the defined characters: “thief, druid, paladin, wizard…”. Missy calls wizard, saying she’ll use her powers to make herself a ninja turtle. After Dale asks what  a paladin is, Sheldon explains it’s a “holy knight who crusades in the name of good”, Dale likes the sound of that, saying he’s been trying to do more crusading in the name of good. Meemaw goes the opposite way and asks to be a thief, saying it sounds like fun.

As Jana stands in front of the restroom at the sporting goods store, she tells Georgie the pregnancy test will take ten minutes. After Jana goes into the bathroom, Georgie starts to imagine his future. Fantasy: Georgie carries a pregnant Jana into his bedroom in her wedding dress. Georgie says it’s time to do what people do on their wedding night, but Jana says they’re gonna be parents so they don’t do that anymore. Besides, her water just broke on his bed. Fantasy: Georgie is reading a magazine on his bed when Jana walks in cradling two babies, demanding he help her take care of them. Georgie says he’s got ten minutes between his day job and his night job. Jana points out that’s ten minutes he could be helping with the babies, instructing him to now change one of the babies’ diapers. Fantasy: Mary goes to Georgie’s run to say Guns ‘n Roses are on the phone, they want him to fill in for their guitarist. Georgie says to tell them he can’t - he’s a dad now. In reality, Georgie says this is a long ten minutes.

After Coach Wilkins compliments the campervan, Mary explains they borrowed it from her mother’s boyfriend. George warns them not to poke around as if they find his mother-in-law’s bra, he’ll drive into a brick wall. As Wayne and Darlene happily talk about what they’d do with an RV of their own, George asks them not to do that. He points out they’re married, they shouldn’t be so happy. After Wayne asks Mary how she puts up with him, Mary says that’s a good question and asks how they do iit. Coach Wilkins and Darlene both say “communication” at the same time. George rolls his eyes and exclaims, “Oh, God.”

Back at the store, Georgie is pacing around as he waits for Jana to emerge from the restroom. When Jana comes out holding the stick, Georgie says, “Well?” Jana says she’s not pregnant. A relieved Georgie hugs her, before saying they better stop hugging or she’ll need another stick to pee on.

Meanwhile, at the Coopers’, Sheldon is talking them through the D&D game. As Sheldon asks them if they want to open a crypt they found, Missy says yes. Meemaw warns her to slow down. Fantasy: Missy, Meemaw and Dale are in front of a crypt. Meemaw explains it’s suspicious to just find a crypt and it could be booby-trapped. Sheldon explains thieves have the ability to check for booby-traps. As Dale says he doesn’t think they should open a crypt that doesn’t belong to them; it doesn’t seem very paladin-y. Meemaw complains he didn’t want to steal the key, he didn’t want to fight the goblins, and he didn’t even kill the spider - he just put it in a cup and took it outside. Reality: Dale complains that wasn’t in the game. After Dale asks Meemaw what her problem is, Meemaw says she’s fed up with Dale being a goody two-shoes.

Back in the RV, Coach Wilkins explains how he and Darlene remember to say how much they appreciate each other at least once a day. George insists it’s fine, that he and Mary know how much they care for each other. When Wayne asks Mary if it’s fine, she says she wouldn’t mind hearing it once in a while. After Wayne and Darlene encourage George to say it, he offers a perfunctory “Mary, I appreciate you”. With some more pushing, George goes on to say that he appreciates how Mary takes care of the house and all of them. After Mary thanks George, it’s her turn. Mary tells George she knows he works hard and makes a lot of sacrifices for the family and he doesn’t always get enough credit for that.

As Georgie and Jana walk down the street eating blue raspberry ice cream, Georgie asks what Jana wants to do. She says something with their clothes on. Georgie says no kidding, and admits it was scary when they thought she was pregnant. Jana is offended when Georgie says he was afraid he was going to have to marry her. What would be so bad about marrying her, Jana wonders. Georgie tries to dig himself out of the hole by arguing you can be afraid of things that are great… like rollercoasters. Jana thinks he’s an idiot.

Back at the D&D game, Meemaw asks Dale what happened to him, saying he used to be fun. Dale points out he’s playing this “stupid” game with her grandkids. Meemaw asks him to cut the crap, and says this isn’t him. Dale thinks he can’t win with her, and brings up the proposal that she turned down without a thought. Meemaw points out he was drunk at the time, but Dale claims that’s when he’s most honest. Meemaw says it doesn’t change the fact she’s not interested in getting married again, and she doesn’t need to explain why. She likes her life the way it is and if he doesn’t like that, tough knuckles. Dale says this is good to hear as he doesn’t have to pretend to be mister water-drinking nice guy. After Meemaw says that’s what she’s been trying to tell him, Dale goes to the kitchen to grab a beer.

Fantasy: Missy, Meemaw and Dale are standing in front of the crypt. Meemaw says she’s a thief and is going to open the chest. Dale encourages her to have at it, seeing as he’s now a paladin with a buzz on. Reality: Sheldon says the chest opens revealing a scroll with ancient writing in a strange language. What do they do? Missy says this is boring. Fantasy: Missy transforms herself into a Ninja Turtle Princess of Power.

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