George: Now, when you meet this guy, you got to shake his hand.
Sheldon: What if I offer a stately bow? That's how they do it in Asia.
George: You're shaking his hand.
Sheldon: Then it's a good thing I brought Old Righty. [holds up a mitten-covered hand]
George: You're not wearing that in a restaurant.
Sheldon: Why?
George: 'Cause you don't make a good impression by being afraid to shake hands.
Sheldon: Howard Hughes was a germophobe, and he did quite well for himself.
George: Didn't he go crazy and save his pee in jars?
Sheldon: Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
George: You're shaking his hand!
Sheldon: Okay!

President Hagemeyer: George Cooper, meet Gary O'Brien, the antistatic furniture king.
Gary: Hello.
George: Shocking to meet you.
President Hagemeyer: Don't do that.

President Hagemeyer: And this, of course, is our physics prodigy, Sheldon Cooper.
Justin: A great pleasure. [offers hand]
Adult Sheldon: I had an obligation to fulfill. So I closed my eyes and thought of science. [Sheldon shakes Justin's hand] Just like on my honeymoon.

Mary: How's pizza sound for dinner?
Georgie: You think I'm eating dinner with my mom on a Saturday night? You're adorable.
Mary: Guess I'm eating alone.
Georgie: What about Missy?
Mary: She's not talking to me.
Georgie: She'd talk to you if you just let her go.
Mary: You know I can't do that.
Georgie: Come on. I went to school dances and I turned out fine.
Mary: I didn't let you go to any dances.
Georgie: I did all kinds of stuff behind your back.
Mary: Like what?
Georgie: I'm dumb, but I'm not that dumb.
Mary: So I'm supposed to just let her do whatever she wants? Yeah, I don't think so.
Georgie: I'm just saying she's a good kid. Be glad she's still asking.

Gary: I believe we have to look to gravity and its magnitude...
Adult Sheldon: I was really doing my best to hold it together.
Gary: ...could be a repulsive force if you just add negative mass.
Adult Sheldon: I smiled and nodded like my meemaw's Houston Oilers bobblehead.
Gary: And I also discovered a way that we could predict the masses of all the known particles using the Egyptian pyramids.
Adult Sheldon: In physics, there's a phenomenon known as supercritical assembly. If you bring enough material together in one place...
Gary: The trick is numerology.
Adult Sheldon: ...in the right configuration, eventually, it will explode.
Gary: This is fun. Not a lot of people I can talk to scientist-to-scientist.
Sheldon: We're not talking scientist-to-scientist. You're not a scientist. You're just a rich man that no one will be honest to because everyone wants your money.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, don't listen to him. I mean, he's just a kid. Why don't you tell me a little more about your pyramid thingy? Huh?

Adult Sheldon: It turned out Gary did appreciate my honesty. The school got a generous donation.
President Hagemeyer: My, my, my. That is a lot of zeroes.
Adult Sheldon: My father got Oilers tickets from President Hagemeyer.
George: 50-yard line and free parking? Hoo-mama.
Adult Sheldon: And I got a brand-new, state-of-the-art antistatic lab chair.
Sheldon: It works.

Georgie: Can I put on the game?
Missy: I don't care.
Georgie: Sweet! What's your problem?
Missy: Did you ever go to a school dance?
Georgie: One or two.
Missy: How'd you get Mom to let you?
Georgie: Easy. Didn't ask her. By the way, that works for all kinds of stuff.
Missy: Well, it's too late. I already asked.
Georgie: Rookie mistake.
Missy: Why can't we have a fun religion?
Georgie: I don't think there is one.

Dale: Okay, so what is it you do, Langston?
Justin: Justin. Actually, I'm about to open a frozen yogurt shop.
Dale: Frozen yogurt. Right. Isn't that, like, crappy ice cream?
Justin: We consider it a healthy alternative.
Dale: Right. Crappy ice cream.
June: It's actually getting really popular. I'm gonna invest.
Dale: Invest money?
Meemaw: What else would she invest with?
Dale: I don't know. You got fake ice cream. How 'bout fake money?

June: What's your problem?
Meemaw: Yeah, what is your problem?
Dale: Who said I had a problem?
Meemaw: We did.
June: You're being rude.
Dale: Okay, you want to spend all your money on some boy toy, it's none of my business.
Meemaw: Why do you care what she does with her own money?
June: Yeah, why?
Dale: Well, you got some young guy running around, asking for money. You don't think I know what that's all about?
June: Okay, he didn't ask... I offered. And I can do what I want. I'm a grown woman.
Dale: Oh, hell, you were a grown woman when he was born.

George: I was hoping in college you wouldn't get called to the principal's office anymore.
Sheldon: She's not the principal. She's the president.
George: So if you're in trouble, you're in big trouble.
Sheldon: That's a fun way to look at it.

President Hagemeyer: Well, I'll just get right to the point. Uh, I would like you and your son to meet with a very important benefactor of the college.
George: Why us?
President Hagemeyer: Well, I mean, Sheldon is... is an impressive addition to the physics program, and- and we like our donors to feel really good about where their money's going.
George: I get it. You want the star quarterback to shake some hands with the boosters.
President Hagemeyer: Exactly.
Sheldon: I'm not doing that. I didn't shake her hand, and she's the president.
President Hagemeyer: No, you don't have to shake anybody's hand.
Sheldon: Then why did you say it?
President Hagemeyer: I didn't say it. He said it.
Sheldon: But you agreed with it.

Missy: So, there's this thing at school I really want to go to, and before you say no, I just want you to think about it.
Mary: What is it?
Missy: Like a school function.
Mary: Why would I say no to a school function?
Missy: So I can go? You're the best.
Mary: Hold on. What kind of function are we talking about?
Missy: You know, just the normal kind. With some kids. And some music.
Mary: You know you can't go to a dance.
Missy: Why not?
Mary: You know that, too. Because we're Baptist.
Missy: But all my friends are going.
Mary: That doesn't change anything.
Missy: What if I promise not to dance?
Mary: So you expect me to believe that you are going to go to a dance with your friends, they'll all be dancing while you just stand there?
Missy: I go to church and don't pray. How is this any different?

Dale: Speaking of this weekend, hey, my son needs a final head count.
Meemaw: Oh. It's a small wedding. It'll be weird if I'm there.
Dale: Aw, come on, I'm gonna be wearing a suit. I'm very sexy in a suit.

June: [answers phone] Hello.
Meemaw: Hey, June. It's Connie Tucker.
June: Hey, Connie. How are you?
Meemaw: I'm good.
June: Am I seeing you Saturday night?
Meemaw: Well, that's what I've called about. Are you sure you want me there? I mean, it is your son's wedding.
June: Oh, it's his second wedding. Those barely count. Besides, I'm bringing a date, too. Come on, it'll be fun.
Meemaw: Okay. I'm in.
June: Fantastic!
Meemaw: So, how dressed up we getting?
June: Oh, it's a small ceremony, nothing fancy.
Meemaw: You just saying that 'cause you want to look better than me?
June: Of course not. But I do believe you'd be stunning in overalls.
Meemaw: [chuckles] All right. See you then.
June: Bye. [hangs up]
Meemaw: Overalls, my ass.

Missy: "David danced before the Lord with all his might, leaping and dancing before the Lord." Leaping and dancing.
Mary: I'm impressed.
Missy: Thank you.
Mary: Too bad it's from Footloose.
Missy: [giggles] What's a footloose?
Mary: It is the movie that Pastor Jeff warned us about in his talk on the Sins of Cinema.
Missy: Just let me go to the dance.
Mary: I'm sorry. I can't.
Missy: I'm never talking to you again!