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409 - Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey

Aired Thursday, February 25, 2021
Crappy Frozen Ice Cream and an Organ Grinder's Monkey

George Sr. convinces a reluctant Sheldon to have dinner with President Hagemeyer (Wendie Malick) and a university donor. Missy is disappointed when Mary won't let her attend a school dance. Meanwhile, Dale and June (Reba McEntire) talk Meemaw into attending their son's wedding.

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Episode Notes

  • Title Reference: "Crappy Frozen Ice Cream" refers to Dale's description of frozen yogurt, and "an Organ Grinder's Monkey" refers to Sheldon's characterisation of collecting money for the university.
  • Opening Credits Sequence: Sheldon is dressed in his normal clothes as a cow approaches the family.
  • As Sheldon reluctantly shakes Gary's hand, Adult Sheldon jokes, "I closed my eyes and thought of science. Just like on my honeymoon." It was established on The Big Bang Theory that Sheldon and Amy slept together [had "coitus"] before they got married, so Sheldon's honeymoon night would not have been a new experience. [911, 1011, 1201]
  • Sheldon would refuse to meet a university benefactor in a Season 4 episode of The Big Bang Theory, "The Benefactor Factor".

Quotes

George Sr.: Come on, Sheldon, think of it as a free dinner.
Sheldon: I'm a kid. All my dinners are free.

George Jr.: Can I put on the game?
Missy: I don't care.
George Jr.: Sweet! What's your problem?
Missy: Did you ever go to a school dance?
George Jr.: One or two.
Missy: How'd you get Mom to let you?
George Jr.: Easy. Didn't ask her. By the way, that works for all kinds of stuff.
Missy: Well, it's too late. I already asked.
George Jr.: Rookie mistake.
Missy: Why can't we have a fun religion?
George Jr.: I don't think there is one.

George Jr.: See? They ain't allowed to dance, either.
Missy: It's like I'm watching my life.
George Jr.: That's how I feel when I'm watching Top Gun.

Adult Sheldon: College is a time for new experiences, being exposed to exciting ways of thinking, meeting people from different backgrounds, and the unexpected visit from your dad in gym shorts.
George Sr.: Hey.
Sheldon: What are you doing here?
George Sr.: I got a phone call. Apparently, the head of the college wants to talk to us.
Sheldon: Oh, good.
George Sr.: You sure it's good?
Sheldon: Well, it's better than what I thought when I saw you, which was, "Uh-oh, Meemaw died."

President Hagemeyer: All I'm asking you to do is to go to dinner, talk about science with a very nice and, more importantly, a very rich person.
Sheldon: Understood. No, thank you.
George Sr.: Buddy...
President Hagemeyer: All right, uh, Sheldon, I was brought to this school to help raise its profile, and one of the ways to do that is through grants and donations. You- You can understand that, right?
Sheldon: I understand that you would like to put the novelty of my age and advanced intellect on display to raise some cash.
President Hagemeyer: No. Sort of. [to George] Can I speak to you alone?
George Sr.: Will you give us a minute?
Sheldon: Very well. But if you're looking to see if my father will be a potential donor, you are barking up the wrong tree.

View more quotes from this episode

Featured Music

  • Footlose
    Kenny Loggins

    Footlose Plays over the montage of President Hagemeyer receiving a big check, George receiving Oilers tickets, and Sheldon getting an anti-static lab chair.

Episode Trivia

  • What film did Georgie say was like watching his life?
    • Top Gun
    • Days of Thunder
    • Cocktail
    • The Color of Money
  • Billy said he had a night-light shaped like which superhero?
    • The Hulk
    • Superman
    • Batman
    • Spider-Man

Episode Recap

When Sheldon leaves the lecture hall, George is sitting on a bench waiting for him. After Sheldon asks what he’s doing there, George explains he got a call from the head of the college who wants to talk to them. “Oh, good”, Sheldon says. When George asks if he’s sure it’s good, Sheldon says it’s better than what he thought when he first saw his dad: that Meemaw had died.

When George and Sheldon go to President Hagemeyer’s office, she asks them to have a seat. President Hagemeyer explains she would like George and Sheldon to meet with a college benefactor. George understands, she wants the star quarterback shaking hands with the boosters. Sheldon doesn’t like the idea of shaking anyone’s hand. President Hagemeyer goes on to say she would like Sheldon to talk science with a nice - and more importantly rich - person. Sheldon understands and says no, thank you. After Sheldon says she just wants to put the novelty of his age and advanced intellect on display to raise some cash, President Hagemeyer asks to speak to George alone.

As George meets alone with President Hagemeyer, she asks how they get Sheldon to cooperate. George admits he’s been asking himself that since day one. President Hagemeyer says she doesn’t want to put pressure on George, but since there’s a lot of pressure on her, she’s going to put it on him. George wonders if there isn't anyone else the donor could meet with. President Hagemeyer says she’s got a unicorn in the zoo and he wants her to trot out a goat to a donor. She explains the university relies on donations for everything: upkeep, salaries, scholarships - like the one Sheldon is on. George says he’ll talk to Sheldon.

As Mary drives Missy home from school, she tells her mother there’s a thing at school she’d really like to go to. When Mary asks what kind of thing, Missy says it's just a school function. Mary wonders what kind of school function she’d say no to. After Mary presses her, Missy explains it would be a function with other students and music. Mary says she knows she can’t go to a dance because they’re Baptists. What if Missy promises not to dance? Mary struggles to believe she would go to a dance, be surrounded by her dancing friends, and not dance. Missy points out she goes to church and doesn’t pray.

As Dale drives Meemaw out, she asks where they’re going to eat tonight. Dale says that depends on the Tums situation. After counting the number of Tums and splitting them between themselves, they settle on barbecue food. When Dale wonders what young people talk about on their dates, Meemaw says she doesn’t know but her knee’s telling her it’s going to rain this weekend. When Dale says his son needs a final head count for the wedding this weekend, Meemaw thinks it’ll be weird if she’s there as it’s just a small event. Dale entices her, saying he’ll be wearing a suit and he’s sexy in a suit.

As George drives Sheldon home from college, he encourages Sheldon to think about President Hagemeyer’s invitation. When George says to think of it as a free meal, Sheldon points out that as a kid all his meals are free. George wonders if what the university’s asking is really that bad. Sheldon argues he went to school to study science, not collect money like an organ grinder’s monkey. George points out he has to raise money for the high school football team; he doesn’t like it, but he does it. After George explains to Sheldon that donations are important to the university - paying for all the science equipment and his scholarship, Sheldon admits hadn’t thought of it that way. When Sheldon says he’ll think about it, George wonders what there is to think about; it’s a night of him showing off how smart he is. Sheldon concedes people do enjoy that.

Missy is slumped down on the couch as Georgie comes to ask if he can put on the game. When Georgie asks his sister what’s wrong, Missy questions if he ever went to a school dance. One or two, Georgie answers. Missy wonders how he got their mom to let him go. Easy, Georgie says, he didn’t ask her. That works for a lot of things. Missy says it’s too late, she already asked. When Missy wonders why they can’t have a fun religion, Georgie says he doesn’t think there is one. After Georgie asks his sister to come with him, he leads her to his closet where he pulls out a videotape of Footloose, saying it’s the answer to her problems.

As Sheldon works on his computer, George goes to tell him he just got off the phone with President Hagemeyer. The guy they’re meeting sounds pretty cool. He made his money selling antistatic furniture to labs. Sheldon is disappointed the donor isn’t a scientist, wondering what he’s going to talk about. George says talk about whatever you want, just don’t be insulting. When Sheldon asks what if the guy says something he thinks is ridiculous, George says keep it to yourself. George says they need to work on his conversational skills, like not calling people out for saying stupid things. Sheldon wonders how he’s going to practice that. Later, they answer the door to Billy Sparks.

When Dale’s ex-wife, June, answers a call from Meemaw, June asks if she’ll be seeing her Saturday night. Meemaw admits that’s why she’s phoning, wondering if June really wants her at her son’s wedding. June says it’s her son’s second wedding, plus she’s taking a date anyway, so it’ll be fun. After Meemaw agrees to attend, she asks how fancy they’re supposed to be dressing. June insists it’s a small ceremony, nothing fancy, but Meemaw wonders if June just wants to look better than her. June insists not, although she says Meemaw would look great in overalls. Meemaw laughs and agrees to see her then.

As they watch Footloose, Georgie points out to Missy that the townspeople can’t dance either. When Missy says it’s like she’s watching her life, Georgie admits he feels the same way when he watches Top Gun. Meanwhile, George sits down at the table with Sheldon and Billy. George tells Sheldon to try to have a conversation with Billy about science. After Sheldon mentions quantum mechanics, Billy says his dad is a mechanic. He has a calendar with a bikini lady up in his shop. George tells Sheldon that instead of losing patience, he should act interested and ask a follow-up question. Sheldon says “You’re father’s a mechanic. Interesting.” and goes right back to discussing quantum mechanics.

As Sheldon discusses his recent work on a theory about the wave-particle duality of light, Billy says he’s got a night-light that looks like Spider-Man, but he doesn’t turn it on. When Sheldon looks askance at his father, George prods him to go on. After Sheldon asks why Billy doesn’t turn the night light on, Billy admits he’s afraid of spiders. George says this seems like a good place to stop.

Back in the den, Missy is still watching Footloose. When Kevin Bacon’s character argues that dancing is mentioned in the bible, Missy gets an idea. In the kitchen, she quotes the same bible passage, about David dancing before the Lord, to her mother. Mary says she’s impressed; too bad it’s from Footloose. While Missy pretends not to know what that is, Mary explains it’s a film Pastor Jeff warned her about in his talk on the “Sins of Cinema”. When Missy asks her mother to let her go to the dance, Mary says she is sorry, she can’t do that. Missy vows never to talk to her again. After Mary goes to ask Georgie if he showed his sister Footloose, he asks if it worked. After Mary says it did not, Georgie says “then no”.

As George drives Sheldon to the restaurant, he tells him to shake the donor’s hand when they meet. Sheldon asks if he can bow like they do in Asia, but George says no. Good thing Sheldon brought “old-righty”, holding up his mitten-enclosed hand. George says he’s not wearing that in a restaurant, arguing that refusing to shake hands doesn’t make a good impression. When Sheldon mentions that Howard Hughes was a germaphobe, George points out he also went crazy and saved his pee in jars.

At the wedding, Meemaw admits she’s not been to many weddings lately, mostly funerals. Dale says they don’t usually have open bars, then realizes he’s the one paying for this one. When June arrives with a younger man, Dale confuses him for a friend of his son’s. After June explains the young man is her date, Meemaw admits this is a lot more fun than a funeral.

After they arrive at the restaurant, President Hagemeyer introduces Sheldon and George to Gary O’Brien, the antistatic furniture king. George jokes that it’s “shocking” to meet him. When Gary offers his hand to Sheldon, Adult Sheldon explains he had an obligation to fulfill, so he closed his eyes and thought of science. Just like on his honeymoon.

When Mary goes to see Georgie in the garage as he lifts weights, Mary asks how pizza sounds for dinner. Georgie thinks she’s adorable for thinking he’s eating dinner with his mom on a Saturday night. When Mary says she guesses she’ll be eating alone, Georgie asks her what about Missy? Mary admits she’s still not talking to her. Georgie says she would if Mary would just let her go to the dance. After Mary says she can’t do that, Georgie says he went to school dances and he turned out fine. Mary points out she never gave him permission to go to any dances. When Georgie says he did lots of stuff behind her back, Mary wonders like what. Georgie says he’s dumb but not dumb enough to tell her. Mary asks if she’s just supposed to let Missy do whatever she wants? Georgie argues Missy’s a good kid and Mary should be glad she’s still asking for permission.

Back at the wedding, Meemaw, Dale, June and Justin are sitting together at a table. When Meemaw asks how June and Justin met, June explains she’s been cutting his mom’s hair for years. Dale jokes that Justin gets a lollipop at the end of his haircut. After Justin says he’s about to open a frozen yogurt shop, Dale describes it as a crappy ice cream. After June explains she’s going to invest in the store, Dale suggests they could use fake money to match the fake ice cream. After June asks Justin to go get her another drink, she asks Dale what his problem is. Dale says it’s none of his business if she wants to spend all her money on her boy toy. After June says she’s a grown woman and can do what she wants with her money, Dale says she was a grown woman when Justin was born.

Back at the restaurant, President Hagemeyer asks Sheldon to tell Gary some of his goals at the university. Sheldon says he’s pushing for stricter dress codes as there are a lot of belly buttons on display. When George says science goals, Sheldon tells them his ultimate goal is to devise the grand unified theory. Gary tucks into his food as he says, “You’re one of those then?” Gary argues that “Kurt Godel’s incompleteness theorems eliminate the possibility of a unified theory”. As Sheldon questions if Gary honestly believes that, George prompts him to stay calm. “That’s… interesting. Tell me more about how Einstein’s life goal was nothing but folly.”, Sheldon says.

As Dale and Meemaw sit alone at the table, Dale wonders what June is thinking. Meemaw says she’s probably thinking “Why did I come here with this guy?” No wait, that’s what she’s thinking. When Dale claims June brought Justin here on purpose to upset him, Meemaw says not everything’s about him. After Meemaw tells Dale she owes June an apology, he says like hell he does. As Meemaw says she’s going to do it for him and gets up from the table, Dale asks her to bring him back a beer.

As Missy climbs half way out her bedroom window, Mary goes to her bedroom door and calls her name. Missy tells her mother to go away, she’s not talking to her. Mary says she’s been doing some thinking and she trusts Missy enough to know she will behave herself, so just this once she can go. As Missy climbs back into her room, Missy says thanks and tells Mary that she loves her. As Mary rattles the door handle and wonders why the barricaded-door won’t open, Missy says sometimes it sticks.

Back at the wedding, Meemaw apologizes to June and Justin, saying she knows on the surface Dale seems like a bully, but underneath… June says still a bully. As Justin takes Dale a peace offering, Meemaw mentions that Dale thinks the only reason June brought Justin was to upset him. After June admits that’s exactly the reason she brought him, Meemaw wonders what’s the matter with her. Why would she go out of her way to upset her ex-husband at her own son’s wedding? June says she doesn’t know, he’s her ex-husband. When Meemaw points out Dale’s now her boyfriend, June says that’s her problem. After Meemaw says June is starting to be her problem, June asks who’s the bully now. As she walks away, Meemaw grumbles that she knew shouldn’t have come to this wedding. After Meemaw returns to Dale and tells him his ex-wife is a bitch, Dale says he is so filled with love for her right now.

Back at the restaurant, Sheldon does his best to hold it together as Gary rambles through a series of crackpot scientific theories. Adult Sheldon explains there’s a theory in physics called supercritical assembly, where if you bring enough material together in one place, in the right configuration, it will eventually explode. When Gary says he’s thrilled to be talking scientist-to-scientist, Sheldon finally cracks and tells Gary he’s not a scientist, just a rich man that no one will be honest to because everyone wants your money. Hagameyer says to ignore him, he’s just a kid, and says she would like to hear more of Gary’s pyramid theory.

Later, Adult Sheldon explains Gary appreciated his honesty. Hagameyer got a big check, so she sent George Oilers tickets, and Sheldon got an anti-static lab chair.

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