Assistant Coach Wilkins: I never had any doubt, Coach. Never had any doubt.

Assistant Coach Wilkins: Ooh, that's rough. Hmm. How'd it happen?
Sheldon: It's hard to say, but some risk factors include: heavy lifting, a chronic cough and repetitive straining during bowel movements.
Assistant Coach Wilkins: I've been there. Hmm. All right. Guess I'll see you in six to eight weeks.

Assistant Coach Wilkins: Happened to me while I was in the Army. I was in a bar in Georgia, tried to lift up this big gal. Swear I could hear something pop down there.

George Jr.: Fourth down.
George Sr.: Gotta punt.
Missy: Gotta.
Sheldon: Statistically, always punting on fourth down makes no sense.
George Jr.: Statistically, you're a dumbass.

Tam: Hey, I've been looking all over for you. Do you know how popular we are?
Sheldon: We?
Tam: Yeah. I put the word out I was helping you with the football stats. And since I'm Asian, they bought it.

Adult Sheldon: In Texas, the Holy Trinity is God, football and barbeque, not necessarily in that order.