Sheldon: [on the phone] Mom, can I please be picked up later?
Mary: No. Your meemaw's already on her way.
Sheldon: But the people next door want me to try an egg roll.
Mary: What people? Don't take food from strangers.
Sheldon: They're not strangers. They're Oscar and Darren.
Mary: Well, they're strangers to me.
Sheldon: Well, maybe when Meemaw gets here, she can wait in the car for a few hours.
Mary: That is not happening, and you know it.
Sheldon: Can we at least have Chinese food for dinner?
Mary: I'm making Rice-A-Roni. Does that count?
Sheldon: Nothing Chinese ends in "a-roni."
Mary: Well, their loss.

Coach Wilkins: Oh, I know that face. Heartburn? Gas? What are we working with?
George: Not in the mood, Wayne.
Coach Wilkins: Are you in the mood for Tums? I could hook you up.

Missy: [sniffles]
Meemaw: What's the matter?
Missy: [voice cracking] Everything.
Meemaw: Did somebody die?
Missy: [shakes head] No.
Meemaw: Then we can fix it. Come on. Come on.

Darren: Any chance you play Dungeons and Dragons?
Sheldon: And how. I once created a campaign set in 1940s London where Alan Turing was a character, and I had the mathematicians be magic users with theorems instead of spells. The intelligence officers were clerics...
Darren: "Yes" works. We're playing tonight and we're down a magic user. You in?
Sheldon: When are you playing?
Darren: We start at 7:00. We'll go till whenever.
Sheldon: My mom didn't let me stay past 6:00 yesterday. She'll never let me stay till "whenever."
Darren: Bummer.
Sheldon: Mm. You could play at my house.
Darren: No.
Sheldon: Bummer. I've never said that before. Did it sound cool?
Darren: No.
Sheldon: Bummer.

Sheldon: I don't know. I don't think I should.
Oscar: It's just root beer.
Sheldon: This late in the evening, my mother wouldn't approve.
Oscar: Okay.
Sheldon: Then again, I didn't think they'd let me stay, and they did, so maybe it's fine.
Oscar: I know, why don't you roll for it?
Sheldon: Ooh, good idea. Seventeen. Guess I'll have it.
Darren: We playing?
Sheldon: Hold on. Do you have a coaster?
Darren: Yeah, it's in the china cabinet.
Sheldon: And where would that be?

Missy: I don't want to go back to school tomorrow.
Meemaw: You have to! You can't let them win. But wear pants. This is hard to look at.
Missy: I heard women in Europe don't shave. Maybe I should move there.
Meemaw: They also drink warm beer. They don't know what they're doing.
Missy: Will you show me how to do it the right way?
Meemaw: Shave? Yeah. Drink? Your dad's the expert.
Missy: Boys have it so easy. They can be as hairy as they want.
Meemaw: Yeah, but they gotta walk around being dumb and smelly all the time. Who wants that?
Missy: So I have to shave forever, then marry someone who's dumb and smelly?
Meemaw: Not necessarily, but... there's a good chance.
Missy: That's depressing.
Meemaw: That's where the drinking comes in.

Mary: What is your problem?
George: Doesn't matter.
Mary: Hey. [sighs] If something is going on, tell me.
George: [sighs] They're coming after me at work.
Mary: Who?
George: The boosters. They want a new coach.
Mary: Are you getting fired?
George: I don't know. Maybe. Don't you have to go?
Mary: [hugs George] I'm sorry.
George: [sniffles] Thank you.

Missy: I was wearing the new skirt, and I felt really good.
[flashback:]
Heather B.: Cute skirt.
Missy: Thanks.
Heather M.: Your legs are so hairy.
Heather B.: Ew.
Heather M.: Gross.
[present:]
Meemaw: Those bitches.
Missy: [sobbing] Thank you.

Oscar: Uh, who are you?
Sheldon: I'm in the room next door.
Oscar: Oh, you're that smart kid.
Darren: Who is it?
Oscar: That smart kid.
Darren: Tell him to come in.
Oscar: Want to come in?
Sheldon: No, I'm here to complain.
Oscar: He's here to complain.
Darren: Then don't let him in.
Oscar: You can't come in.

Sheldon: I'm trying to study, and your loud music is very distracting.
Oscar: You mean the game?
Sheldon: "The game"? I'm not up on today's one-named pop stars.
Oscar: No. It's a video game.
Sheldon: You have video games?
Oscar: A bunch. You play?
Sheldon: My meemaw and I beat Quest of Adeera.
Oscar: Dude, this kid beat Adeera.
Darren: Well, tell him to come in.

Missy: All my friends dress like this.
Mary: Arms by your sides. I want to measure. [Missy sighs] See? It's shorter than your fingertips.
Meemaw: What the hell is happening?
Missy: She wants to ruin my life.
Mary: The school dress code says that all bottoms must extend past the fingertips.
Missy: It's close enough, and they don't even check.
Mary: Well, I am not wasting good money on something that you can't wear to school.
Missy: Then I'll wear it on weekends.
Mary: Go try on something else.

Oscar: Watch out for the CyberToad.
Sheldon: What's a CyberToad?
Darren: The evil little robot frogs. Although they're only known as CyberToads in the west. In Japan they're known as...
Oscar: MechaGamas.
Darren: Can I finish my own thoughts, please?
Oscar: He's very sensitive.
Sheldon: I'm protective of my fun facts, too.

George: [sighs heavily] Apparently, the football boosters think I'm not doing my job. Just 'cause they give a little money to the team...
Coach Wilkins: A lot of money.
George: They give some amount of money to the team.
Coach Wilkins: And the new scoreboard.
George: Okay. But I-I give my time, my talent, my sweat. You see any boosters out there doing two-a-day summer practice?
Coach Wilkins: I do not.
George: Damn right. If they really want to help, you know what they could do? Give birth to stronger, faster kids, 'cause theirs ain't cutting it.
Coach Wilkins: You know you're gonna have to talk to them, right?
George: [exhales] Yes.
Coach Wilkins: And you know you can't say that stuff about their kids, right?
George: Well, what if it comes up organically?
Coach Wilkins: Maybe I should come.
George: [scoffs] I'm not gonna insult their children.
Coach Wilkins: You sure?
George: Okay, come.

Mary: Well, don't you look nice.
Missy: Nice and boring, thanks to you.
Mary: Is everyone gonna be crabby today?
Georgie: I've been a delight.

George: You never get any glory without a little pain. I know we've had our share lately, but we've got the pieces in place for next year. With your support, we're gonna make it happen.
Coach Wilkins: I think we can agree that our boys are in good hands here. So thanks for coming out. [claps] Go, Wolves.
Roy: I got a question.
George: Go ahead, Roy.
Roy: That game against Tyler. What in the hell were you thinking punting with a minute twenty-four on the clock?
Coach Wilkins: That's a fair question.
George: Sure is. That was a tough one. But our offense was giving up 30 pounds to everyone across the line. And we had a quarterback who had an uneasy relationship with... with holding onto the ball.
Floyd: So you're blaming our kids?
George: Well...
Coach Wilkins: No.
George: No?
Coach Wilkins: No.
George: No.