George: [sighs heavily] Apparently, the football boosters think I'm not doing my job. Just 'cause they give a little money to the team...
Coach Wilkins: A lot of money.
George: They give some amount of money to the team.
Coach Wilkins: And the new scoreboard.
George: Okay. But I-I give my time, my talent, my sweat. You see any boosters out there doing two-a-day summer practice?
Coach Wilkins: I do not.
George: Damn right. If they really want to help, you know what they could do? Give birth to stronger, faster kids, 'cause theirs ain't cutting it.
Coach Wilkins: You know you're gonna have to talk to them, right?
George: [exhales] Yes.
Coach Wilkins: And you know you can't say that stuff about their kids, right?
George: Well, what if it comes up organically?
Coach Wilkins: Maybe I should come.
George: [scoffs] I'm not gonna insult their children.
Coach Wilkins: You sure?
George: Okay, come.

Mary: So he's really good to graduate?
Principal Petersen: He sure is. I got to tell ya, usually when kids leave school after two years, it's not for college. It's for prison or pregnancy.
George: Well, between Georgie and Missy, we may hit the trifecta.
Mary: George!
George: Well, I'm not rooting for it. It's just a thing that could happen.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

George: Where are the damn filters?
Mary: They're in the cabinet, where they always are.
Georgie: These two, fighting like the Serbs and Croatians in Bosnia.

Mary: What is going on? Sheldon, are you okay?
Sheldon: My stomach hurts.
Darren: He's gonna throw up.
Mary: Did you give him beer? Did they give you beer?!
[Mary follows Sheldon, Darren and Oscar into the dorm room]
Sheldon: Just root beer.
Mary: It's gonna be okay, baby. [Sheldon throws up] Oh. Why is it so colorful?
Sheldon: Too many... [gags] Skittles. [retches]

George: Where's the coffee?
Georgie: I finished it.
George: When you finish a pot, you're supposed to make more.
Mary: Oh, is that the rule?
George: It is for him. Why are you reading my paper?
Georgie: Well, pardon me for keeping up on events of the day.
George: Tomorrow's headline: Father Strangles Son.
Georgie: Good luck. My horoscope says "things are looking up."