Mary: Well, pretty soon, you're gonna have a granddaughter. Start all over again. [chuckles]
George: You know, I had an idea. I'm gonna put a tracker on her, like they do with dolphins.
Mary: You're making that up.
George: No, it's true. Yeah, wherever she goes... Timbuktu, doesn't matter... We're there.

Missy: I'm home! [enters] Hey.
Mary: Hey to you. How was Heather's?
Missy: Uh, fun. Pizza, movies... The usual. You look tired.
George: I didn't sleep too well.
Missy: Oh. Sorry. Well, I'm gonna go to my room. [exits]
Mary: What happened to killing her?
George: I'll get to it. [door closes] Just so relieved she's okay. [drinks coffee] Okay, I'm good. Missy!
Mary: Wait for me!

Missy: Sheldon, you went to a frat party; now there's a drunk girl in your bed. That's the coolest college story you'll ever get to tell.
Sheldon: So I can tell Mom.
Missy: No. Someday.
Sheldon: When?
Missy: Someday when we're old and we can laugh about it. I got to go. [Sheldon sighs]
Adult Sheldon: [v.o.] 30 years later, still not laughing.

Meemaw: I've been thinking. We don't have to spend every night together.
Dale: Wow. You're preaching to the choir there, Connie. I've been lying awake here for an hour, wishing I were back home in my own bed.
Meemaw: Really?
Dale: Everything's the way I like it there. Got a TV in the bedroom and leave the seat up on the toilet. And thermostat's not set to storing meat.
Meemaw: I did turn the toilet paper around so it comes over the top like you like it.
Dale: Like the world likes it.
Meemaw: Don't start on this again.

Sheldon: You know she's not old enough to drink beer.
Bobby: I'm not old enough to drink beer. [chuckles]
Paige: Yeah, one second. [closes door] Come here.
Sheldon: Did I convince you that drinking is wrong? Good for me.

Meemaw: So, you want to go home?
Dale: Well, I don't know. I stayed here last night.
Meemaw: So?
Dale: So, two nights in a row. At what point are we living together?
Meemaw: Fine. Go home.
Dale: Oh, I'm okay with staying. You're the independent one.
Meemaw: If you want to stay, stay. If you want to go, go.
Dale: Fine. I'll stay if you're gonna beg.

George: Need a break from Connie?
Mandy: I'm just trying to give her and Dale some privacy.
George: Gross.
Mary: Oh.
Georgie: What? [off Mandy's look] Oh, nasty. Wait, sex, right?
Mandy: Yeah.

Mary: Missy's at a sleepover if you want to use her room.
Mandy: I might take you up on that.
Georgie: You'll be safe here. They never do anything.

Sheldon: Hell does exist. [to a passing guy] Excuse me. Where's the bathroom? [a guy points upstairs]
Paul: Hey, look, Pee-wee Herman's at our party!
All: [chant] Pee-wee! Pee-wee! Pee-wee! Pee-wee! Pee-wee!
Sheldon: The hell continues.

Meemaw: [Dale cries out] What?! What?!
Dale: Charley horse. Charley horse.
Meemaw: What- What do I do?
Dale: I don't know. [stammers] Here, rub it, rub it, rub it.
Meemaw: That's kind of how this whole thing got started.
Dale: That's not funny.
Meemaw: Mm-hmm. You'll laugh later.

[Mandy arrives back at Meemaw's house and starts to head up the stairs]
Dale: [o.s.] Rub harder. Harder.
Meemaw: [o.s.] I'm rubbing as hard as I can.
Dale: Well, use your elbow.
Meemaw: All right. [Dale groaning]
Mandy: [to herself] I don't need my toothbrush.
Meemaw: You like that?
Dale: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Adult Sheldon: This night of depravity had reduced me to urinating on a tree like a forest animal. How much worse could it get?
Paul: Hey, Pee-wee's back!
All: [chant] Pee-wee! Pee-wee! Pee-wee! Pee-wee!

Sheldon: Excuse me. I'm looking for... Missy?
Missy: Sheldon?
Sheldon: What are you doing here?
Missy: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: Do Mom and Dad know you're here?
Missy: Do Mom and Dad know you're here?
Sheldon: Okay, stop. You go first.
Missy: Heather's sister goes to school here. She invited us. Now you.
Sheldon: I'm looking after Paige.
Missy: Where is she?
Sheldon: Well, I didn't say I was doing a great job.

Georgie: Where's your toothbrush?
Mandy: I don't want to talk about it.

George: [phone rings] Who the hell calls at this hour? [answers phone] Hello. Oh, hi. Everything okay?
Mary: Who is it?
George: Heather's mom.
Mary: Oh. Is everything okay?
George: You just heard me ask. [on the phone] Wh- What's up? No, Heather's not here. They're at your house. Huh.
Mary: What?
George: Heather told her mom she was staying here.
Mandy: [chuckles] Classic.