Paige: Just leave me alone.
Sheldon: But what are you doing here?
Paige: I'm trying to have fun, and I don't want them to know how old I am.
Sheldon: Why?
Paige: Because I want them to think that I'm cool.
Sheldon: But you're smart. What's cooler than that?

Dale: Well, how do they not see that's Dustin Hoffman?
Meemaw: I buy it.
Dale: So if I put on a wig and lipstick, you'd think I was a chick?
Meemaw: [chuckles] Only one way to find out.
Dale: Nice try.
Meemaw: You do have some pretty nice legs, though.
Dale: Well, if you want, we could pause the movie, and I'll let you touch 'em.
Meemaw: Lucky me.

Meemaw: [o.s.] You're gonna leave your socks on?
Dale: [o.s.] My feet get cold.
Meemaw: Take 'em off.
Dale: What do you care?
Meemaw: It feels like a lack of commitment.
Dale: Aw, fine.
Meemaw: When was the last time you cut your toenails?
Dale: I don't know.
Meemaw: Seriously, you look like something that could swoop down and pick up a squirrel.

Sheldon: What are we doing here?
Paige: It's a party, Sheldon.
Sheldon: But we weren't invited. I didn't bring a gift.
Paige: Then go home.
Sheldon: Wait, this is dangerous.
Adult Sheldon: There I stood, the classic hero outside the dragon's cave. Should I risk life and limb to save the maiden? My every instinct said no. But I drank a lot of root beer and really had to go pee-pee.

Sheldon: Excuse me. I'm looking for my friend. Blonde girl, about a meter and a half.

Meemaw: How's your sex cramp, old man?
Dale: Athletes get cramps all the time. It comes from dehydration, overexertion.
Meemaw: I'll give you the dehydration, but I didn't see any overexertion, though.
Dale: Why, Connie?
Meemaw: 'Cause it's fun.

Georgie: I'll go with you.
Mary: Will you both just stop for a minute? There's nothing to do but wait.
George: Fine. [George and Georgie sit down] Nope. [both stand up] Georgie, let's go.
Georgie: Let's check out that creek in the woods where they found the headless body.
George: Will you shut up.

Missy: [sighs] Now what do we do?
Sheldon: We can't just leave. Paige is still in there.
Mary: Maybe we should call Mom.
Sheldon: I do have four quarters for that exact reason.

Georgie: I'll tell you what. My daughter's never gonna put me through this.
George: Oh, really? How you figure?
Georgie: I'm gonna run a tight ship. Set some rules, some boundaries. If she breaks them, then she faces the... Oh, what do you call it? Repercussions. [George snickers] Why you smiling?
George: I just can't wait till you're a dad.
Georgie: Thank you.
George: "Repercussions."
Georgie: It's a word. Look it up.

Missy: Hurry!
Sheldon: This is as fast as I can go in sensible shoes.

Missy: You okay?
Paige: No.
Sheldon: Oh, dear.
Missy: [rolls eyes] What?
Sheldon: I'm going to have the mother of all blisters.
Missy: [sighs] [to Paige] I'm worried about you.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Paige: I'm having fun.
Missy: You're drunk and you were about to get in the car with some stranger.
Paige: So? He was cute.
Missy: What's wrong with you? You're smarter than Sheldon. Why don't you act like it?
Sheldon: Um...
Paige: I am.
Sheldon: If that was true, then how come my pizza's still in my stomach and yours is in the fountain?

Paige: [groans] What good is being smart if you're all alone?
Missy: Let's go to Sheldon's so I can get you cleaned up.
Paige: [groans softly] Thanks.
Missy: Just so you know, you're not alone. You've got me.
Sheldon: I thought we were trying to make her feel better.

Missy: But first, we have to get our story straight about where I was tonight.
Sheldon: There's only one story, and it's straight: you were here.
Missy: No, I wasn't. I was at Heather's, and you didn't see me. Got it?
Sheldon: First I have to sleep on the floor and now I have to lie for you?
Missy: How 'bout this? Work with me, and I will officially owe you one.
Sheldon: One what?
Missy: I don't know. One anything.
Sheldon: "Anything" is awfully vague. What say we draw up a contract or...

George: So we're on the same page, when she does show up, I'm gonna kill her.
Mary: You're gonna have to beat me to it.
George: Not saying I love her the most, but if anything happened to Missy...
Mary: She is your little girl.
George: Not so little anymore.
Mary: Hmm.
George: And I hate it.