Sheldon: This is a difficult decision.
Mary: Which is why we're all here to help you make it.
Fresh Prince: [theme song plays on TV] ♪ Now, this is a story ♪ ♪ All about how my life got... ♪
Missy: Are we not done? It-it felt done.

Missy: What school's winning?
Sheldon: I've narrowed it down to Caltech and MIT. Geographically equidistant, so the travel time home would be about the same. Caltech has Stephen Hawking, which is exciting, but he hasn't won a Nobel Prize, unlike Henry Kendall at MIT, who recently did.
Missy: What's this little guy?
Sheldon: Both schools' mascot is a beaver. Not pertinent to my needs, but amusing nonetheless.

Missy: Well, if you want my opinion, I say pick the one that's near the beach and Hollywood.
Sheldon: I hate those. Advantage MIT.
Missy: Where's that?
Sheldon: Boston.
Missy: So, what's your gut say?
Sheldon: It doesn't say anything. It's not a thinking organ.
Missy: Fine, what's your... Spidey-sense tell you?
Sheldon: Spidey-sense warns Peter Parker of imminent danger. It doesn't help him pick schools.

President Hagemeyer: And I guess that's why I'm here. You know, everybody's rolling out the red carpet for Sheldon, as they should. But, I mean, who's looking after your needs?
Mary: Our needs? I don't understand.
President Hagemeyer: Wouldn't you like all your children to be college graduates?
George: [laughs] Wait, are you serious?
President Hagemeyer: I am in a position to offer a full scholarship to Sheldon's twin sister, his older brother, and I understand there's a grandchild in the mix. Just imagine how expensive tuition will be 18 years from now.
Mary: Wow, that is very generous.
President Hagemeyer: No, no, no, I don't... I don't think so. No, I think it's just giving you good, hardworking folk what you deserve.
Mary: I don't know what to say.
George: Yeah, we... we'll have to talk it over a little.
Mary: At the end of the day, it's still Sheldon's decision.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, of course, but-but it's also a family decision, and that is what East Texas Tech is all about. Family. Or, as I like to say, kin.

Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Which is better? One [holds out MIT cap] or two [Caltech cap]? One, two? Hat I'll never wear one, hat I'll never wear two.
Dr. John Sturgis: Are you okay?
Sheldon: No, I didn't sleep at all last night. For the life of me, I can't decide between Caltech and MIT. No matter how I analyze it, how I break it down, they're basically equal.
Dr. Linkletter: Great, then just pick the one you want.
Sheldon: What I want is to not have to make this decision.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, you could always stay here.
Sheldon: Maybe you're right. Maybe deciding not to decide is the best decision I can decide.
Dr. John Sturgis: Possibly.
Sheldon: After all, an object at rest stays at rest. That's just physics.
Dr. Linkletter: The kind of physics we understand.

Mary: Shelly, tell your meemaw about your fancy article.
Sheldon: Gladly. As an alternative to the Calabi-Yau manifold, we've come up with a new shape to compactify the extra dimensions in string theory.
Meemaw: Well... hot dog.
Sheldon: Hot dog?
Mary: Maybe explain it a little more simply.
Missy: She means dumb it down.
Meemaw: Hey. But, yeah.

President Hagemeyer: Well, I hope you two are happy. Sheldon is being recruited by Princeton, by Stanford, MIT, Caltech. We are losing him, and you two have done nothing.
Dr. Linkletter: What can we do? Those are some of the best schools in the world.
President Hagemeyer: We have a wonderful graduate program for physics.
Dr. Linkletter: Actually...
President Hagemeyer: You're the chair of the department.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, and the program is far from wonderful.
Dr. John Sturgis: That said, our animal husbandry department is first-rate.

Sheldon: Very well, I'll stay here, I'll work with you two, and everything will be...
Dr. John Sturgis: Stop. [to Linkletter] I can't do this.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm glad you said that. I'm also having qualms.
Sheldon: What are you talking about?
Dr. Linkletter: You.
Dr. John Sturgis: We have to do the right thing for him.
Dr. Linkletter: And for science.
Dr. John Sturgis: So, we're in agreement?
Dr. Linkletter: Consequences be damned.
Sheldon: Will someone please tell me what's going on?

Missy: Well, the important thing is, no matter where you go, I'm gonna turn this room into a dance studio.

Sheldon: There's also East Texas Tech.
Mary: Is that a school that you're considering?
Sheldon: I have friends there, and it's close to all of you.
Missy: Why would you want to be close to us?
George: Missy.

Mary: Hey, how was school?
Missy: Good. I got an "A."
Mary: That's amazing!
Sheldon: She gets an "amazing"? All-all she did was color inside the lines.
George: She tell you?
Mary: Yes, so great.
Sheldon: Dad, I got published in International Physics Review.
George: Nice, buddy. [pats Sheldon's back] Ooh, new boat catalog.

George: And for your information, I've lost a little weight.

President Hagemeyer: Okay, maybe I can sell this by saying that this is so advanced that even other brilliant scientists don't understand it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sexy.
Dr. Linkletter: [growls]
President Hagemeyer: Don't do that.

Mary: [answers phone] Hello? This is she. Oh, really?
George: Who is it? [Mary waves George off] If it's a guy about a boat, hang up.
Mary: One moment, please. [covers phone] It's Princeton. They want to talk about Sheldon going to grad school.
George: Ooh, what are they offering?
Mary: I don't know.
George: Full-ride?
Mary: I said I don't know.
George: Well, ask 'em.
Mary: I will if you'll shut up.
George: Okay, but I wouldn't use that tone. [knock at door] I'll get it. Remember, cash is king.

Phil Lambert: Well, howdy. Is this the Cooper residence?
George: It is.
Phil Lambert: Phil Lambert, Stanford University. I was just passing through Medford and I would love to talk to you about your son's future.
George: Come on in, Phil. Hey, Mare, tell Princeton, Stanford's passing through.