Popular Quotes
Quote from the episode The Grand Chancellor and a Den of Sin
Sheldon: Excuse me, if I had an exposé that's going to rip the lid off this university's leadership and shine a light on its rotten core, who would I turn that in to?
Clark: You can give it to me.
Sheldon: I'd feel more comfortable giving it to someone who's less likely to roll it up and smoke it.
Clark: Well, I'm the editor, so it's me or nothing.
Sheldon: Very well. I'm handing you the scoop of a lifetime.
Clark: Okay.
Sheldon: As your people say, I think you'll dig it.
Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System
Mr. Givens: Everybody told me, "Hubert, don't date someone from work." But did I listen? No. Let me tell you something. She likes to say I stole her innocence? Well, what about my innocence? I was never the same after we broke up.
Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System
Mr. Givens: I had the brains, I had the charm, and I don't like to brag, but I was pretty easy on the eyes back then. That woman got herself one heck of a package. But some people don't want to be satisfied.
Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage
Dr. Goetsch: Welcome. You must be the Cooper family.
Mary: We are.
Dr. Goetsch: Right on, right on. This must be Sheldon. Put 'er there.
Sheldon: No, thank you.
Dr. Goetsch: Right on, right on.
Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage
Mary: Sheldon?
George Sr.: Where the hell did he go?
Mary: Sheldon?
Dr. Goetsch: Couldn't have gone far.
Mary: Why not?
Dr. Goetsch: Right on, right on.
Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage
Adult Sheldon: I tried to explain to my parents that a mutant named Cyclops, who shoots laser beams out of his eyes, helped me eat a licorice stick. Went right over their heads.
Quote from the episode A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac
Mr. Givens: All right, uh, let's give a warm welcome to my good buddy, Dr. Ronald Hodges.
Dr. Hodges: Hey, kids. Hey. Glad to be here. And, uh, Hubert, the answer to your question is, one of those roomies was busy studying while the other was out chasing high school girls.
Mr. Givens: Yeah. To be clear, they were all over 18.
Dr. Hodges: Eh.
Quote from the episode A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac
Dr. Eberland: Okay. Well, keep him off spicy foods for the time being, and I'll write you a prescription for Zantac. Does he smoke?
Mary: 'Course not. He's nine.
Dr. Eberland: [chuckles] I started at his age. Uh, but only when I drank.
Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek
Ms. MacElroy: Where do you think you're going?
Sheldon: Away from you.
Ms. MacElroy: Why's that?
Sheldon: I want to live.
Ms. MacElroy: I'm not sick. Get back in your seat.
Sheldon: No, thank you.
Ms. MacElroy: You know the rules. You can't leave without a hall pass.
Sheldon: May I have a hall pass?
Ms. MacElroy: No, you may not. Now get back in your seat.
Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza
Sheldon: Mom, Mom, Mom.
Mary: What's wrong?
George Sr.: What's going on?
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis and Meemaw had their first sleepover. It's a big step in their relationship. I'm going to go congratulate them.
George Sr.: Hey, put on a jacket, it's chilly out.
Sheldon: Will do!
Mary: Or try saying he can't go.
George Sr.: Oh, never mind, you can't go!
Sheldon: The last thing I heard was jacket!
Quote from the episode A Stunted Childhood and a Can of Fancy Mixed Nuts
Sheldon: What are you doing?
Paige: We're tying Georgie's ankles together.
Missy: So when he gets out of bed he falls down.
Sheldon: But he could get hurt.
Missy: If we're lucky.
Sheldon: Well, I will not be a party to this.
Missy: Old man.
Quote from the episode A Stunted Childhood and a Can of Fancy Mixed Nuts
Paige: Sheldon, it's just a fun scary story.
Sheldon: It's nonsense is what it is.
Missy: Old man.
Sheldon: I'm not an old man, I'm ten.
Missy: More like 110.
Quote from the episode A Stunted Childhood and a Can of Fancy Mixed Nuts
Missy: Hey, Georgie, breakfast. Mom made Eggos.
George Jr.: Eggos, sweet. [BODY THUDS] Ow! Dang it!
[PAIGE AND MISSY LAUGH]
Quote from the episode A Math Emergency and Perky Palms
Mary: If you're not in the mood for conversation, maybe there's something else I could do for you.
Mr. Gilford: Haven't had a sponge bath in a while.
Mary: Does Pastor Jeff give you a sponge bath?
Mr. Gilford: Sure does.
Mary: Mr. Gilford.
Mr. Gilford: No.
Quote from the episode A Math Emergency and Perky Palms
Mary: Mind if I make some room to sit?
Mr. Gilford: You're staying?
Mary: Yes, I'm staying. I'm here to keep you company.
Mr. Gilford: Why? So you'll look like some kind of Good Samaritan?
Mary: Because God calls on us to serve our fellow man. Romans 12:13, "Share with the Lord's people who are"-
Mr. Gilford: What are you doing?
Mary: Quoting scripture.
Mr. Gilford: Well, I don't want to hear that.
Mary: You don't want to hear the Bible?
Mr. Gilford: Not from some woman.
Mary: Excuse me?
Mr. Gilford: Where have you been? Women don't preach in our church.
Mary: Well, I'm not in our church, I'm in your living room, which is, by the way, disgusting.
Quote from the episode A Broken Heart and a Crock Monster
Missy: Weird. You say "Piggly Wiggly" and suddenly I'm hungry.
Quote from the episode Teenager Soup and a Little Ball of Fib
Missy: [to Sheldon] Welcome to the dark side.
Quote from the episode Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit
Paige: Hi, Missy. Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: What did you do to your hair? Is this because your parents got divorced?
Mary: [sighs]
Missy: Dingus.
Quote from the episode Mitch's Son and the Unconditional Approval of a Government Agency
Bruce Willis: [on TV] Yippee-Ki-Yay, Mr. Falcon.
Missy: Wait, who is Mr. Falcon?
George Jr.: No one.
Missy: Then why'd he say it?
George Jr.: Well, in the real version, he said a bad word, but they had to change it for TV.
Missy: TV is so lame. What did he really say? [Georgie whispers in Missy's ear] That's so much better.
George Jr.: This movie works on a lot of levels.
Quote from the episode A Second Prodigy and the Hottest Tips for Pouty Lips
Mary: Okay, have a great day. Love you.
Missy: [covers mouth] Love you, too.
Mary: What are you doing?
Missy: I learned it in baseball. When you don't want the other team to see what you're saying.
Mary: It's okay to love your mom.
Missy: At home. Here, you get the hand.