Adult Sheldon: My mother would say money is the root of all evil. But she also said that about The Simpsons. I say money is just a medium of exchange, a way of transforming something into something else. My meemaw bought a sports car and transformed a relationship in the process. My sister transformed her money into a thriving business that was eventually shut down due to an infestation.
Missy: Ew.
Adult Sheldon: And for a brief moment, I became part of my dream company. Fun fact: later that year, RadioShack did open a megastore called Incredible Universe. Turned out the only thing incredible about it was how quickly it closed down. Oopsie.

Dr. John Sturgis: I was calling because there's a new student in my class who's Sheldon's age.
Mary: No kidding.
Dr. John Sturgis: Her mother wondered if I could put you two in contact since you have so much in common.
Mary: Oh, of course.
Dr. John Sturgis: Excellent. I'll give you the number when you're ready.
Mary: Um, I am ready.
Dr. John Sturgis: 409-356-6049.
Mary: John?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yes?
Mary: That's my number.
Dr. John Sturgis: [LAUGHS] So it is!

Sheldon: We really need to get one of these.
Mary: What on earth do we need a computer for?
Missy: Yeah, we got you and your big head.

Adult Sheldon: The thought of spending an afternoon with Paige seemed excruciating, but I wanted to make my mother happy. I was torn.
Dr. McCoy: The release of emotions, Mr. Spock, is what keeps us healthy Emotionally healthy, that is.
Adult Sheldon: Luckily, the wise words of Gene Roddenberry flatly delivered by Leonard Nimoy resolved my dilemma.
Mr. Spock: That may be, Doctor. However, I have noted that the healthy release of emotion is frequently very unhealthy.
Adult Sheldon: I realized if Mr. Spock could rise above his emotions while the fate of the Enterprise hung in the balance, certainly I could tolerate Paige for a few hours.

Mary: Baby, what's wrong?
Sheldon: I tried to pet Fish! Ah, he was so slimy!
Mary: Well, yeah, he's a fish.

Sheldon: But we can get so much accomplished. I could use a spreadsheet program to keep track of your expenses.
Mary: I do that in the back of my checkbook.
Sheldon: Yes, but does your checkbook go "beep" when you open it? I don't think so. Plus, the computer can organize your recipes.
Mary: But my recipes are organized.
Sheldon: On index cards. Like a cave person.

Meemaw: Let's talk about Sheldon.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wonderful. What about him?
Meemaw: He's having kind of a hard time with the new girl in your class.
Dr. John Sturgis: Really? Why?
Meemaw: He's jealous of the attention you're paying her.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, she's remarkable.
Meemaw: You see that? Less of that.
Dr. John Sturgis: But I think he's remarkable, too.
Meemaw: Perfect. More of that, less of the other one.
Dr. John Sturgis: Understood.

Mary: Okay, look. You're right. I don't have many friends, so I was hoping to get to know Paige's mom. But if it makes you uncomfortable, then I will call her and cancel.
Sheldon: I'll think about it.
Mary: Thank you, baby.
Adult Sheldon: Guilt and jealousy in the same day. I slept hard that night.

Mary: So Paige didn't make a good first impression, but that can change. What's that new Star Trek show?
Sheldon: Next Generation?
Mary: When that first came on, you said a new Star Trek without Dr. Spock could never be good, but I've seen you watching it.
Sheldon: Well, first of all, it's Mr. Spock. Dr. Spock writes books about babies.
Mary: My apologies.
Sheldon: And second of all, Paige isn't a TV show. She's a person, and we all know how I feel about people. [BLOWS RASPBERRY]

George Jr.: Can I drive in with you?
George Sr.: Sure.
Missy: Everybody's gonna know he's your brother. It's gonna be awful for you.
George Jr.: Tell her to shut up.
George Sr.: She's not wrong.

Dr. Linkletter: How rude of me, Connie. Can I offer you a beverage? Soda, water, Snapple?
Meemaw: I'm fine.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'd take a Snapple.
Dr. Linkletter: You know where the fridge is.

Sheldon: It's not fair. You bought Missy a Ring Pop.
Mary: For ten cents.
Missy: And I'm worth every penny.

Mary: This is so exciting. Don't you understand what this means?
George Sr.: Rather than me feel dumb, how about you just tell me?
Mary: These are parents we can actually relate to.
George Sr.: Yeah, sure.
Mary: All the times we wonder if we're doing right by Sheldon or how to handle him, we finally have someone to compare notes with.
George Sr.: There's notes? [CHUCKLES] I just been winging it.

Meemaw: Okay. I'll see you later.
Sheldon: Are you sure you don't want to stay with me?
Meemaw: I don't think so. I don't really understand this stuff.
Sheldon: That's how I felt when we watched Dirty Dancing, and I stayed.
Meemaw: When Patrick Swayze takes his shirt off in here, I'll be back.

Tam: What's in the mug?
Sheldon: It's a coffee mug, Tam. What do you think is in it?
Tam: Could be soup.
Sheldon: It's coffee.
Tam: Where'd you get it?
Sheldon: The teachers' lounge. And before you ask, no, I'm not the world's greatest grandpa.

Sheldon: [on the phone] What do you mean, he hasn't read my fax? Is he aware I'm a shareholder? Well, where's the next shareholders' meeting? Fort Worth? I could barely get my mom to drive me to church.

Mary: There are expenses we could cut back on so we could afford a computer.
George Sr.: You mean like the money you give to church?
Mary: No, I mean like the money you give to the Lone Star Beer company.
George Jr.: Good one, Mom.
Mary: Shut up.
Meemaw: Shut up.
George Sr.: Shut up.

Sheldon: All right, I would like to call the first meeting of the Isaac Asimov book club to order. I'm assuming everyone's read Nightfall?
[Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis both hold up their copies of the book]
Meemaw: I read it. [chuckles] I may have dozed off a few times, but I read it.

Missy: So, I said 70 cents for one or two for a dollar, and everyone bought two.
George Jr.: People love a deal.
Missy: I know. I sold out.
George Jr.: Then you got to start charging more.
Missy: How much more?
George Jr.: Just raise the price a little at a time until you see your profits top out.
Missy: I'm learning, but it's fun. This is weird.

Meemaw: You're the one who told me to go out and have fun with my money.
Dale: I meant something fun for us.
Meemaw: Why us? It's my money.
Dale: You made that perfectly clear.
Meemaw: It's just a car.
Dale: It's not just a car. I think you got scared.
Meemaw: Scared of what?
Dale: I was talking about our future, and you panicked.
Meemaw: I think I've got a successful business and my own money and you can't handle it.
Dale: Oh, really?
Meemaw: Yeah. Really.
Waitress: What can I get started for you?
Dale: Actually, I think we're leaving.
Meemaw: I'm not going anywhere.
Dale: I'll have the enchiladas.