Sheldon: She did it because Pharaoh ordered all the male babies to be killed.
Missy: That's really in the Bible?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: And Mom won't let me read Judy Blume.
Billy Sparks: Sheila the Great changed my life.

Pastor Jeff: Back to Moses. He was found by Pharaoh's daughter and went on to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, because even when you feel lost, God has a plan for us all.
Missy: [raises hand] What was his plan for the male babies who didn't get rescued?
Pastor Jeff: It's tough to say.
Sheldon: There was a decree to throw them in the river.
Missy: Innocent babies?
Billy Sparks: That is not cool.
Pastor Jeff: That was Pharaoh, that was not God.
Sheldon: But according to you, it's all part of God's plan. How do you sleep at night?

Mary: You both liked it that day I taught Sunday school, right?
Missy: Ugh, with the snake?
Sheldon: I didn't like it, either. But I'm critical of most things.

Mary: We're hiring a youth pastor.
Sheldon: Why?
Mary: To help get young kids excited about God.
Missy: The same God who lets babies get thrown in rivers?
Mary: What?
Sheldon: We covered Moses in Sunday school.
Mary: Oh. Well, that was Old Testament God. He gets more fun later.

George Sr.: What's up?
Meemaw: My smoke detector's beeping again. Have you got one of those little batteries?
George Sr.: I think so. Come on in.
Meemaw: Thank you. See, I'm three beeps away from breaking out my shotgun.
George Sr.: [chuckles] I don't even put batteries in ours anymore. Do not tell Sheldon.

Meemaw: I saw Brenda at the grocery today.
George Sr.: Oh, yeah? How's she doing?
Meemaw: I don't know. Something going on with her?
George Sr.: What do you mean?
Meemaw: I was just talking about what happened to y'all at the bar, and she kind of got weird.
George Sr.: Weird how? What'd she say?
Meemaw: Well, it's not so much what she said. Just kind of a vibe I got.
George Sr.: Well, maybe you made her uncomfortable. You do have that effect on people.

George Sr.: [on the phone] So, we got to get our stories straight. Now, wh-what did you tell her?
Brenda Sparks: I told her we weren't together. I was there, and you were there, and other people were there, too.
George Sr.: That's good. That's good.
Brenda Sparks: So, what did you tell her?
George Sr.: I was a little rude and rushed her out of the house.
Brenda Sparks: Don't you do that all the time?
George Sr.: Oh, yeah. Oh, I guess we're okay.

George Sr.: Do you have any women friends?
Coach Wilkins: Uh-oh. Mary finally wise up and kick you to the curb?
George Sr.: I'm being serious.
Coach Wilkins: I have plenty of women friends. Matter of fact, my best friend's a woman.
George Sr.: Are you gonna say your wife?
Coach Wilkins: You know I am. She got in the shower with me this morning.
George Sr.: I don't need to hear that.
Coach Wilkins: How could something be so clean and so dirty at the same time?
George Sr.: I'm sorry I asked.
Coach Wilkins: Are you upset 'cause I said she was my best friend and not you?
George Sr.: No.
Coach Wilkins: You're in the top three.
George Sr.: Stop talking to me.
Coach Wilkins: Definitely my best white friend.

Missy: Got a minute?
Sheldon: I'm kind of busy. I'm inventing a system of heraldry for two warring tribes of orcs in my D&D campaign.
Missy: Oh. I was hoping we could talk about atheism.
Sheldon: Much like an orc, I'm all ears.

Mary: All right, you two, get ready for bed. Church in the morning.
Missy: I'm not going.
Mary: What do you mean, you're not going?
Missy: I don't think I believe in God anymore.
Mary: What did you do to her?
Sheldon: Hey, she came to me. I mean, I took the ball and ran with it.
Missy: Look at you with a sports analogy.
Sheldon: We're both evolving. Ooh, evolution. Another thing I'll teach you about.

Adult Sheldon: In physics, potential energy is a fascinating topic. Objects like springs store energy when they're coiled, waiting to unleash their full potential and soar to the heavens. Would you look at me go! Even in toy form, I'm shooting for the stars. While the potential energy of an object can be measured in absolutes, human potential remains more elusive. Sometimes, people seem to have all the potential in the world, but for some reason stay stuck to the ground.

Coach Wilkins: Darlene and I love to go line dancing.
George Sr.: Next.
Coach Wilkins: Let's see. There's the Roundabout.
George Sr.: What's that?
Coach Wilkins: It's a roller rink. They have cool lights and a DJ. It's like a disco.
George Sr.: So, when I said no to line dancing, you thought, "Let's put George on wheels."
Coach Wilkins: Ooh. Take her bowling.
[George pictures Brenda Sparks working at the bowling alley]
George Sr.: I don't want to take her bowling.

Coach Wilkins: Fine. But it doesn't matter where you go. She's just gonna be happy you're trying.
George Sr.: I hope so.
Coach Wilkins: It's nice to see I'm finally rubbing off on you.
George Sr.: I am capable of being a decent husband.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, of course you are.
George Sr.: Don't patronize me.
Coach Wilkins: I could stop, but then what will we have left?

Dale: [on the phone] Well, we don't carry hockey skates. Uh, heck, I know of a place up north where you can find them. It's called Canada. [hangs up]

Dr. Linkletter: What do you want?
Sheldon: I need you to talk to Dr. Sturgis. He's wasting his time working in a grocery store.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, then the rumor is true?
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. Linkletter: Good, I spread it heavily at the faculty mixer.
Sheldon: Well, please. He won't listen to me. I'm hoping you can talk some sense into him.
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, he's a grown man. Perhaps in a little apron with a nametag... Is how I'm picturing it.
Sheldon: That's exactly right.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent.

Sheldon: So, will you talk to him?
Dr. Linkletter: Look, if he doesn't want to come back, I certainly can't force him.
Sheldon: But he's wasting his potential.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm just curious, if he were to come back, would you spend more time with him, and therefore less time with me?
Sheldon: I suppose so. Why?
Dr. Linkletter: No reason. Get out.

Principal Petersen: [scoffs] Well, you saying you're gonna drop out?
George Jr.: I guess I am.
Principal Petersen: Does your father know about this?
George Jr.: No.
Principal Petersen: Don't you think you should tell him?
George Jr.: I don't really want to.
Principal Petersen: Well, if you don't tell him, I'm going to.
George Jr.: That'd be great. You're the best.
[Georgie gets up and starts to walk away, before returning for the teenage pregnancy pamphlet]
George Jr.: You never know.

Meemaw: The kid's a natural salesman. I mean, school's not gonna help with that.
Mary: So, you are fine with your grandson throwing his life away so that he can sell fishing rods and baseball bats?
Dale: Excuse me, those fishing rods provided a nice life for me and my family.
Mary: What family? You're divorced, and your kids don't talk to you.
Dale: [to Meemaw] Help me out here.
Meemaw: A diploma would not have made his life better.
Dale: Thank you. What she said.

Sheldon: Ooh. Perhaps this is a good time for a physics joke.
Missy: It isn't.
Sheldon: That's the cool thing about physics, time is relative. Okay, here we go. Why was the pirate worried that his shoes were less than "H"? [silence ] Because he had to walk the Planck. [silence] Get it? Because Max Planck is a famous physicist who discovered a constant which is represented by "H." And then he...

Missy: So can anyone drop out or do you need to be a certain age?
Mary: You are not dropping out of school.
Sheldon: Until you're 16... then they legally can't stop you.
Missy: Good to know.
Mary: This is exactly what I was afraid of.
George Sr.: What do you want me to do about it?
Sheldon: I would encourage you to love and nurture the one child you have who's destined for success.