Adult Sheldon: Emboldened by my faux hernia, I started taking books out of the library without getting the cards stamped.

Tam: You didn't check out those books.
Sheldon: I know.
Adult Sheldon: Before you judge me too harshly, I always brought them back on time. I was a rule-breaker, not a lunatic.

Mary: I didn't write this.
George: You sure? Looks like your handwriting. It's got that little swoopy thing going on.
Mary: I didn't write it. And I think I'd know if my son had a hernia.
George: So what, Sheldon forged a letter to get out of P.E.?
Mary: Looks like it.
George: How about that.
Mary: Don't be proud of him.
George: Can't help it. First time he ever seemed like my kid.

Adult Sheldon: And finally, I had to apologize to my meemaw, who was an unfortunate victim of my sister's treasure hunt.

Mary: Sheldon. Would you like to explain this note?
George: Well?
Sheldon: I was trying to be more like Georgie.
Mary: That's a dumb idea. We don't want Georgie to be like Georgie.

Adult Sheldon: Seeing my brother struggle was difficult for me. As his tutor, I took his failure personally, almost as if I had failed. Which was odd, because I knew how dumb he was.

Sheldon: Hello.
Missy: What's that for?
Sheldon: Oh, this? I was just digging for money in Meemaw's backyard.
Missy: There's money there?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. I already found 75 cents.
Missy: Who do you think left it?
Sheldon: If I were to guess, I'd say pirates with holes in their pockets.
Missy: Can I use your shovel?
Sheldon: Be my guest.
Missy: Oh, baby, I'm gonna be rich.

Meemaw: I gravitate a little more towards Kirk.
Sheldon: Why?
Meemaw: [imitating William Shatner] Be-cause everything he says he makes sound so im-portant.
Sheldon: I should hope so, he's the captain.

George: Can you help me out here?
Sheldon: [Meemaw whispers to him] I'll do it if you take me to the train store.
George: You got it.
Sheldon: [Meemaw whispers again] And buy me whatever I want.
George: Connie, what are you doing?
Meemaw: [imitating William Shatner] Just providing my grand-son with financial guid-ance.
Sheldon: Don't mock the captain.

Sheldon: Oh, dear.
Georgie: What's your problem?
Sheldon: No problem. I'll just tidy while we talk.

Sheldon: $20 isn't gonna do it.

Sheldon: So you collect all the terms linear in X. See? Simple.
Georgie: Maybe for you.
Sheldon: No, it's simple for everybody. Now you collect all the terms linear in Y.
Georgie: I don't get it.
Sheldon: Try this. Close your eyes.
Georgie: 'Kay.
Sheldon: Can you see the slope of the line given by the coefficients of X and Y?
Georgie: No.

Georgie: Maybe the problem is you're not a good teacher.
Sheldon: Unlikely.

Georgie: What do you see when you close your eyes?
Sheldon: I see quadrant one as red, quadrant two is soft and plush, quadrant three smells like lavender, and quadrant four is overlaid with a Fibonacci spiral.
Georgie: That's really weird.
Sheldon: No. What's really weird is doing simple algebra and thinking about a girl in a bikini.
Georgie: I disagree.

Adult Sheldon: It was at that moment I decided I was not cut out for teaching. I consoled myself with the knowledge that I was wonderful at everything else.