Sheldon: So what's the plan? How will I be entertained all day?
Mary: I thought you could be my little helper.
Sheldon: I prefer executive assistant. Carries more weight.

Sheldon: Mom.
Mary: What?
Sheldon: "Mom" is also a palindrome. M-O-M.

Sheldon: How was your anniversary date with Dr. Sturgis?
Meemaw: You knew about that?
Sheldon: Yes.
Meemaw: So you knew he was gonna propose?
Sheldon: Propose? No, that's wonderful. Although, it's a little disconcerting he didn't tell me. I thought we were closer than that.

Sheldon: [knock knock knock] Veronica. [knock knock knock] Veronica.
Veronica: Come in. Hey, Sheldon, what's up?
Sheldon: I printed out my bathroom schedule. I can't speak for anyone else in this family, but you can count on it being occupied during these times.
Veronica: Thank you. This is very helpful.
Sheldon: I know.

Veronica: Is there anything else?
Sheldon: There is, but I'm not allowed to ask about it.
Veronica: Oh, it's okay. You can ask me anything.
Sheldon: Oh, good. I don't like cats, but I share their curious nature.

Veronica: What do you want to know?
Sheldon: Your mom has a boyfriend.
Veronica: Yeah.
Sheldon: Where is your father?
Veronica: I don't know.
Sheldon: Why do you not know?
Veronica: Well, he left when I was really young and I never heard from him again.
Sheldon: And why are you staying here?
Veronica: My mom's boyfriend isn't very nice.
Sheldon: I understand. My sister isn't very nice.
Veronica: [CHUCKLES] So you get it?
Sheldon: I do, thank you.
Veronica: Okay, well, talk to you later.
Sheldon: But not between 7:00 and 7:12.
Veronica: Yup, I see it right here.

Sheldon: Mom?
Mary: Yes, honey?
Sheldon: Do I have to sit downwind of Georgie's cologne?

George Sr.: So, Veronica, I understand that you're a junior?
Veronica: Mm. Yes, sir.
Mary: Do you have any plans for after high school?
Veronica: I'm hoping for a scholarship to Baylor so I can get a teaching degree.
Mary: Mm.
Veronica: I like kids. [CHUCKLES]
Sheldon: Really? Kids? Ugh.

Sheldon: See? This is the kind of nonsense you have to deal with when you're around kids.
George Sr.: He does have a point.

George Jr.: I also hung a cross over the bed for you. It's just Popsicle sticks and glitter. I glued it together in Sunday school when I was a kid. [Veronica starts crying] Is-is it too much? I can take it down.
Veronica: [SNIFFLES] No, it's it's really sweet.
Sheldon: Why are you crying? Did Georgie bring up your unfortunate home life?
Veronica: Uh, no.
Sheldon: Good. My mom said not to, so that you would be comfortable.
Veronica: Thank you.
Sheldon: [staring] Are you comfortable?

Sheldon: Are you wearing cologne?
George Jr.: No.
Sheldon: Georgie, I have the olfactory senses of a polar bear. They can smell a seal through three feet of ice.

Sheldon: Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance. I pledge allegiance to the Flag Of the United States of America And to the Republic for which it stands One Nation Here's a fun fact about the next two words: "Under God" wasn't added to the Pledge of Allegiance until 1954. My first act as your president is to remove the words "under God" from the Pledge in order to honor the separation of church and state in this public high school.
Principal Petersen: Okay, that's enough.
Sheldon: You can't take my microphone. I'm the president.

Sheldon: Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper. Can I please speak with Pastor Jeff?
Pastor Jeff: Hey, Sheldon, what can I do for you?
Sheldon: I need to give a speech at school, but I have a fear of public speaking. Since you give a sermon every Sunday, I was hoping you'd have some words of advice.
Pastor Jeff: As a matter of fact, I do. When I look down on my congregation and I feel nervous, I just ask the Lord to speak through me.
Sheldon: Like a ventriloquist?
Pastor Jeff: Not exactly. I think of it more as a-
Sheldon: Like one of the Muppets?
Pastor Jeff: No, not that either.
Sheldon: 'Cause you do look a little like Kermit.
Pastor Jeff: Uh, okay, good luck to you, Sheldon.

Sheldon: Georgie, I hate to have to ask this, but are you going to vote for me?
George Jr.: No. Go away.
Sheldon: Are you sure? If I win, I can make you a hall monitor. Imagine the respect you'll get then.
George Jr.: Get lost.

Sheldon: Anything you can do to help me win a decisive victory come Election Day would be much appreciated.
Mr. Givens: Oh, well, I'm sorry, Sheldon, the faculty doesn't get involved in student elections.
Sheldon: Oh, I understand. You have to remain neutral. Wink, wink.
Mr. Givens: I'm sorry, wink, wink?
Sheldon: You want new science equipment and I want that for you. One hand washes the other. Wink, wink.
Mr. Givens: Oh, sure, wink, wink.
Sheldon: Now you're getting it. Wink, wink.
Mr. Givens: Wink, wink.
Sheldon: Wink, wink.
Mr. Givens: That kid creeps me out.

Sheldon: Greetings, fellow students. I'm running for class president. Here's a button. Have a grown-up put them on you. They're sharp.

Sheldon: Hello. I'm Sheldon Cooper, and I'm running for class president.
Abby: Yeah?
Sheldon: I understand you had a baby last year. If you bring it in, I'll try to kiss it.

Sheldon: Vote Sheldon for class president. Don't worry It's a number two. You can use it on standardized tests.
Nell Cavanaugh: Okay.
Sheldon: And, of course, homework. I love homework.
Nell Cavanaugh: Well, it's so nice to finally meet you. I'm Nell Cavanaugh.
Sheldon: My opponent. I would shake your hand, but my mom is washing my mittens.
Nell Cavanaugh: Okay.

Sheldon: This was a great idea. Children like cupcakes, and, by giving them cupcakes, they'll transfer that affinity to me.
Mary: That's another way of looking at it.
Sheldon: By that reasoning, a rich person could simply buy people's votes.
Mary: It's been known to happen.
Sheldon: Until my ship comes in, I guess it's cupcakes.

Sheldon: Nell Cavanaugh, it appears we're taking the mittens off.