George Sr.: Tell me what you want.
Sheldon: What are we doing next weekend?
George Sr.: This ain't sounding like an emergency.
Sheldon: It is. Stephen Hawking is giving a lecture, and I really need to go.
George Sr.: Can we talk about this when I'm out of the shower?
Sheldon: Pick up the pace. According to the schedule that you don't read, I'm due in there in six minutes.

Sheldon: So can we go?
George Sr.: I don't know. Go take a shower.
Sheldon: I still have two minutes and 15 seconds. Let's nail this down.
George Sr.: Where's the lecture? And if the answer's Dallas, we're not going.
Sheldon: Good news: it's not Dallas.
George Sr.: Where?
Sheldon: Pasadena, California.
George Sr.: California? That's a lot further than Dallas.
Sheldon: 1,232 miles further as the crow flies. But kudos to you for being up on your geography.

George Sr.: There's no way we're going to California.
Sheldon: If Stephen Hawking can make it there in a wheelchair, I'm sure we can manage.
George Sr.: Sheldon, airplane tickets are expensive. Hotels are expensive. We can't afford it.
Sheldon: But his health is fragile. This might be my only chance to ever see him in person.
George Sr.: I'm sorry, buddy.
Sheldon: I would like to discuss this further, but I only have 22 seconds to be in the shower, and buttons slow me down.

George Sr.: This is the moment we lost that game. But one bad play doesn't mean you give up. We had plenty of time to turn it around, but y'all decided it was over. I don't want to ever see that happen again. Next time something seems out of your reach, you do not quit. You just dig deeper.
Sheldon: [appears out of nowhere] Does that mean if I find an affordable flight to California, we can go?

Fran: Hi. Can I help you?
Sheldon: I'm trying to find the cheapest flight to California for me and my father.
Fran: Okay. Well, have a seat. You lookin' to go to Disneyland?
Sheldon: The only ride I'm interested in is the intellectual roller coaster of Stephen Hawking's mind.
Fran: And where is that located?
Sheldon: Well... Stephen Hawking's head. But that will be at Caltech in Pasadena.

Sheldon: Are there any discounts available?
Fran: Are you a member of any frequent-flier programs?
Sheldon: No, I've never flown before.
Fran: Well, ways to keep the cost down are: flying on weekdays, multiple layovers... Or, this probably doesn't apply, but airlines offer special fares if there's been a death in the family.
Sheldon: Interesting. May I use your phone?
[elsewhere:]
Meemaw: [answering phone] Hello?
[back:]
Sheldon: What else you got?

Sheldon: Dad, good news. Airline tickets to California are more affordable than you think.
George Sr.: Sheldon, we're not going.
Mary: What's all this about?
Sheldon: Stephen Hawking is giving a lecture at Caltech. If we leave on Wednesday and are willing to make four layovers, in Boise, Denver, Albuquerque and Fargo, we can get there for only $95 each.

Sheldon: How do you recommend I "suck it up"?
Missy: I don't know, when you don't get your way, shut up and move on.
Sheldon: Is that what you do?
Missy: Yeah.
Sheldon: And that's why you don't have a computer.

George Sr.: I have a job. I can't just leave in the middle of the week.
Sheldon: Well, then what about Mom?
Mary: Sorry, Shelly, we're not in a position to do this.
Sheldon: But Stephen Hawking's my hero. Imagine if you got a chance to see Jesus or Dad got to meet the man who invented beer.

Sheldon: Imagine all the stimulating conversations that must go on at these tables.
George Sr.: I bet.
Sheldon: I can see myself going here one day.
George Sr.: I think you'd fit right in.

George Sr.: You okay, Mr. Spock?
Sheldon: Doing my best, sir. The captain and Mr. Spock don't hold hands.
George Sr.: Sorry.
Sheldon: Okay, maybe just this once.

George Sr.: If you want to see Stephen Hawking, we have to sit down right now.
Sheldon: It's too dangerous. I can't!
George Sr.: It's okay to be scared. Th- That's when you got to dig deep and be brave. So, what do you say?
Sheldon: No, I'm your terrified little boy!

Captain: [v.o.] Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We're expecting a smooth flight to Los Angeles. Before we take off, please direct your attention to the flight attendants as they review some important safety procedures.
Sheldon: "Safety procedures"? Oh, baby.

George Sr.: All right, 34A and B this is us. All right, you want the aisle or the window?
Sheldon: Which one is assigned to me?
George Sr.: It doesn't matter, just pick one.
Sheldon: Well, if I sit by the window, I can watch the takeoff and landing, but if I sit on the aisle, I'm closer to the bathroom.
George Sr.: Here we go.
Sheldon: Although if I'm by the window, you'll have to get up when I use the bathroom. But if I'm not, I'll have to get up when you use the bathroom. Just pick one.
Sheldon: It's a tricky decision. My bladder's smaller than yours-
Meredith: Everything okay here?
George Sr.: About to be. [picks up Sheldon and puts him in a seat] Here! Aisle it is! We're good.

Mary: Let me get a picture of my boys before their big trip.
Sheldon: It's smart to document this. Next time you see me, I'll have been in the presence of Stephen Hawking.
Mary: Smile.
Sheldon: I'd prefer to look serious. This may appear in a textbook someday.
Mary: Say, "Stephen Hawking."
Both: Stephen Hawking.
Sheldon: Aw, you made me smile.

Meredith: Take a minute to locate the exit closest to you. The nearest exit could be behind you. Should the cabin experience sudden pressure loss, oxygen masks will drop down from above your seat...
Sheldon: Why would the cabin lose pressure?
George Sr.: It won't.
Meredith: Place the mask over your mouth and nose, like this, pull the strap to tighten it. If you are traveling with children, make sure that your own mask is on first before helping your child.
Sheldon: I don't like this at all.
George Sr.: It's just a precaution. You know perfectly safe.
Meredith: In the unlikely event of a water landing and evacuation. [echoes] Water landing, water landing, water landing.
Sheldon: I can't do this.

Sheldon: Hello, Sam, Keith, big bag of dirty underpants.

Mary: How about you all come work at our house?
Sam: I guess if that's our only option.
Mary: It'll be fun. I'll make food. You can even bring your laundry.
Keith: That actually would be great.
Sheldon: Now this man's soiled underpants will be in my kitchen. Thank you.

Sam: Can I at least switch groups?
Dr. John Sturgis: Sorry. I assigned this project because it's important for scientists to learn how to collaborate.
Sheldon: If we must work together, here's my proposal. I do everything by myself and put their names on it.
Dr. John Sturgis: No.

Sheldon: Can't we just do this individually?
Keith: Why are you complaining? I'm the one stuck working with a kid.
Sheldon: Hey. When it comes to physics, I'm practically a coot. Which is an old person word for someone who's old. Tell him.
Dr. John Sturgis: It is.
Sam: Let's just go to a coffee shop and get this over with.
Sheldon: I can't go now. I have to get home for my bath and bedtime. Which is also something an old person does.
Dr. John Sturgis: That we do.