Mary: What on Earth did you say to Missy?
Meemaw: Why? What'd she do now?
Mary: Nothing, she was an angel. I dropped her off at school, and she hugged me in front of her friends.
Meemaw: Really?
Mary: And not just any friends. Heather M. was there, and that is a big deal.
Meemaw: I just gave her a little life advice.
Mary: Like what?
Meemaw: Nothing, just grandma stuff.
Mary: There you go again, being the good guy.
Meemaw: Mary, you need to know you're doing a fantastic job with those kids.
Mary: You really mean that?
Meemaw: I really do.
Mary: Thanks. I can't remember the last time someone said I was a good mom.
Meemaw: It's not a job that gets a lot of compliments.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Tam: Look at this, my mother left me a note. "You can do better. Mom." Not "Love, Mom," not "XO, Mom," just "Mom."

Sheldon: Good news, I just spoke to Tommy Clarkson.
George Jr.: What? Are you crazy?
Sheldon: Nope, Mom had me tested.

Sheldon: Excuse me, sir. When you're done urinating, I'd like to ask you some questions about social dynamics, intimidation, threats, et cetera. Finish up, no hurry.