Meemaw: It's just a tantrum. It's what kids do.
Mary: You used to punish me all the time.
Meemaw: That was different. You were a pain in the ass.

George Sr.: I say no Radio Shack for at least a month.
Mary: Sounds fair.
George Sr.: I'll go tell him.
Meemaw: I'd wait and tell him tomorrow. He's a little loopy right now.

Meemaw: So I saw a lawyer today.
Mary: Why?
Meemaw: I'm putting together my last will and testament.
George Sr.: We're gonna miss ya.
Mary: George.
Meemaw: Don't worry. I ain't leaving him squat.

Mary: Shelly, you haven't touched your dinner. You feel okay?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. I was just thinking.
Mary: About what, baby?
Sheldon: The optimal height-to-width ratio for a reusable rocket.
Meemaw: I was just thinking the exact same thing.
Sheldon: Really?
Meemaw: Oh, Moonpie, I love you so much.

Sheldon: Meemaw?
Meemaw: Mr. Moonpie, how might I help you?
Sheldon: How much money are you planning to leave me when you die?
Meemaw: Nice talkin' to you.

Sheldon: Meemaw?
Meemaw: Want to try that again?
Sheldon: I need to buy a computer so I can solve the Navier-Stokes equation.
Meemaw: Uh-huh. How much is a computer?
Sheldon: Apple has a nice one for $2,000, but the kind I need costs three million.
Meemaw: Let me see what I got in the vault. Nine bucks and, uh, oh, look at that a peso.
Sheldon: It's warm.

Vincent: How you doin' there, Connie?
Meemaw: Hey, Vincent. What brings you to Louisiana? Wait, don't tell me. You're here to see Tony Orlando.
Vincent: 'Fraid not.
Meemaw: Oh, well, you ought to check him out. He'll, uh, knock your socks off.
Vincent: I like my socks on.

Vincent: Connie, you're putting me in a very awkward position.
Meemaw: I won a toaster oven playing keno. You want it?
Vincent: I got one. I want my money.
Meemaw: All right. Hang on. That's a very nice jacket. You're looking dapper. Ah. Hey, they comp my room here. They do that for you?
Vincent: Actually, they frown upon my presence here.
Meemaw: Oh. I also get a coupon for the breakfast buffet. You should look into that.

Vincent: Constance!
Meemaw: Patience, Vincenzo. [slot machine pays out] Yes! Oh! All right, now we're talking. Will you take a down payment in quarters?
Vincent: Do I have a choice?
Meemaw: Start scoopin'. I got to go see Tony Orlando.

Meemaw: Hey.
Sheldon: Hello.
Meemaw: So Oilers are a four-point favorite for this Sunday's game, but it's a home game, so I'm thinking I give the points. What do you think?
Sheldon: I think I have to tell on you again.
Meemaw: Go ahead. What's your mama gonna do, ground me?
Sheldon: Take the Oilers, give the points.
Meemaw: I love you, Moonpie.

Meemaw: I think your anger might be a little misdirected.
Mary: Don't you start with me either.
Meemaw: Now, see, you're still shootin' wide.

Meemaw: Good Lord, that mouth of yours is a machine gun tonight.

Meemaw: Can I ask you a favor?
Sheldon: Sure. What?
Meemaw: You know those statistics that you were talking about with your dad? Could could that be applied to, say, who might win the Cowboys-Packers game next week? And, more specifically, by how much?
Sheldon: I suppose with enough data I could make a reasonable guess.
Meemaw: I don't want a guess, I want to know.

Missy: Mom said you're not supposed to gamble.
Meemaw: Sleep, child!

Meemaw: I don't care if you win, just cover the damn spread.
Mary: Mom, are you betting again?
Meemaw: No.

Meemaw: Okay, you can tell me, who's his real daddy?

Meemaw: Is it your dentist? The little guy with the glasses? You can tell me.

Meemaw: It doesn't matter. Tonight is not about Sheldon.
George Jr.: Yeah, right. Everything's always about Sheldon.
Missy: Yeah. Most of the time, it's like we don't even exist.
Meemaw: I guess Sheldon does get most of the attention. Maybe that's a good thing.
Missy: How?
Meemaw: Well, if it weren't for him, your parents would be on your ass all the time.

George Jr.: I guess I never thought about it that way before.
Meemaw: You kidding me? Right now, they would be nagging you about cleaning your room and doing your homework. Instead, you're sitting in a parking lot, eating a Blizzard for dinner.
Missy: With cookie dough in it.
Meemaw: Exactly. While Sheldon is stuck sitting in some boring shrink's office.
George Jr.: Mom told me they were taking him for a haircut.
Meemaw: Oh, yeah, right. Well, when he gets home, say his hair looks good.

Meemaw: Y'all want to go get some ice cream?
George Jr.: What about dinner?
Meemaw: What about it? Come on.
Missy: Is ALF dead?
Meemaw: No, but it's just a matter of time.