Brenda Sparks: You friends with this girl?
Missy: [scoffs] I wish. She is so popular. One time she said she liked my outfit... I wore it for a week.
Brenda Sparks: [scoffs] What am I gonna do? [both sigh]
Missy: You could tell Billy he's too young to date.
Brenda Sparks: [chuckles softly] That's good. You might be the coolest person in this house.
Missy: Low bar, but thanks.

Sheldon: I need telescope time to search for exoplanets, and Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis have denied my request.
President Hagemeyer: Why?
Sheldon: They said that kind of research would expose both me and the university to criticism.
President Hagemeyer: [stifled laugh] Well, that's outrageous.
Sheldon: So, you'll give me access?
President Hagemeyer: Gosh, no. I want to, but... I'm just the president. [chuckles] Use of the telescope has to be approved by a... science advisor.
Sheldon: Is that true?
President Hagemeyer: Does it sound true?
Sheldon: I suppose it does.
President Hagemeyer: Then I suppose it is.
Sheldon: Why did I even come to you?
President Hagemeyer: [gasps] Remember that next time.

Sheldon: President Hagemeyer, we have a problem.
President Hagemeyer: What now, Sheldon? The Yoo-hoos in the vending machine aren't cold enough?
Sheldon: Actually, they aren't, but we'll table that for later.

Sheldon: How can you just dismiss a line of inquiry out of hand?
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, sometimes I say no just for kicks. This time it's for your own good. Scientists who pursue little green men get laughed at.
Sheldon: Well, I care about science, not my reputation. And if you're not willing to help me, I know someone who is.
[cut to:]
Dr. John Sturgis: We'll be mocked by physicists, engineers, even mathematicians. And they don't just say you're an idiot... they prove it.
Sheldon: And if I had fruit on my head, I'd be Carmen Miranda.
Dr. John Sturgis: What?
Sheldon: I didn't understand it either.

Sheldon: Now, about the telescope room, I was watching Star Trek and it got me thinking...
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, searching for life on other planets isn't serious science. Leave that to the tinfoil hat brigade.
Sheldon: But statistically, given the number of stars and planets, it's likely we could find one capable of supporting life. And if we did, it would be the greatest scientific discovery of all time.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, and if I had fruit on my head, I'd be Carmen Miranda.
Sheldon: I'm not familiar with that reference.
Dr. Linkletter: She sang and danced with fruit on her head.
Sheldon: Why would she have fruit on her head?
Dr. Linkletter: I don't know, in case she got hungry. It's not gonna happen, Sheldon!

Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, I need to talk to you.
Dr. Linkletter: Great.
Sheldon: Do you think you could get me access to the telescope room? I want to search for exoplanets that could support life.
Dr. Linkletter: Are you feeling homesick?
Sheldon: Are you implying that I'm from another planet?
Dr. Linkletter: Yes.
Sheldon: Compliment accepted.

Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, I need to talk to you.
Dr. Linkletter: Are we in my office?
Sheldon: No.
Dr. Linkletter: Then these are not my office hours.
Sheldon: Are you using my love of schedules against me?
Dr. Linkletter: [chuckles] Oh, yes.
Sheldon: Well done.

Mary: Let me ask you something.
Sheldon: Answers are my thing. Go for it.
Mary: Do you really believe in all this space alien stuff?
Sheldon: Well, it's simple probability theory. There are over a hundred billion stars in our galaxy. So it's likely that a few of them could support life, or even technological civilization.
Mary: And did Jesus die for their sins as well?
Sheldon: You have your stories, I have mine.

Missy: Mom, can I get your opinion on something?
Mary: Of course, sweetie. I'm not just your mother, I'm also your friend.
[Missy gives her mother a questioning look and then walks away]

George Jr.: The good news is she ain't gonna remember any of this.
Mandy: And we don't have to tell a soul.
George Jr.: Pinky swear?
Mandy: Done. And while we're swearing, let's promise not to fight in front of her anymore.
George Jr.: Promise.
Mandy: And, uh, the next time you're gonna propose, give me a little warning.
George Jr.: You got it.
Mandy: Okay. [CeeCee coos]
George Jr.: Mandy McAllister...
Mandy: Oh, not now!

Missy: I'll go to the movies with you.
Billy Sparks: You don't have to do that.
Missy: I want to. It'll be fun.
Billy Sparks: But aren't you going to her party?
Missy: I wasn't invited. Which is fine, 'cause she's a bitch.
Billy Sparks: Wow. You are troubled.

Sheldon: Dr. Prakash, I'm on the hunt for a mentor who's not afraid to challenge entrenched scientific paradigms.
Dr. Prakash: Well, mainstream science has always been threatened by new ideas.
Sheldon: True. Like Galileo being imprisoned for his heliocentric model of the universe.
Dr. Prakash: And did you know Semmelweis was put in an asylum for suggesting that doctors wash their hands?
Sheldon: I did. Did you know that Michael Servetus discovered pulmonary circulation and was burned at the stake?
Dr. Prakash: Or Henry Oldenburg was arrested...
Sheldon: Arrested as a spy for corresponding with scientists from other countries!
Dr. Prakash: This isn't a competition.
Sheldon: Oh, I thought we were bonding.
Dr. Prakash: Fair enough. We're bonding.

Sheldon: How would you feel about joining me in the groundbreaking search for exoplanets that could support life?
Dr. Prakash: I'd love it. How would you feel about joining me in finding subatomic particles that move backwards in time?
Sheldon: You mean tachyons?
Dr. Prakash: Yes.
Sheldon: That's nonsense. Let's get started on my thing.

Sheldon: [clears throat] You should know, I'm replacing you with a more courageous mentor.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm sorry to hear that, Sheldon.
[cut to Dr. Linkletter's office:]
Sheldon: One who's not afraid of new ideas.
Dr. Linkletter: Great.
Sheldon: Don't think of it as me walking away, think of it as you being left behind.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm okay with that.
[back to Dr. Sturgis's office:]
Sheldon: Thank you for helping me on my journey. But you're like a rocket booster that must be discarded for me to reach escape velocity.
Dr. John Sturgis: I understand.
[back to Linkletter:]
Sheldon: I'm walking away now.
Dr. Linkletter: Goodbye.
Sheldon: I'm walking backwards, so it seems like you're fading into obscurity.
Dr. Linkletter: Neat.
Sheldon: Take care. Farewell. Ciao.
[back to Sturgis:]
Sheldon: Bon voyage.
Dr. John Sturgis: Arrivederci.
[split-screen:]
Dr. John Sturgis: What a charming young man.
Dr. Linkletter: Kook.

Mandy: You're a pediatrician, he's being a child.
George Jr.: How does wanting us to be a family make me a child?
Mandy: You really want to have this fight in front of a stranger?
George Jr.: Married people fight all the time, right?
Dr. Bell: Uh...
Mandy: You don't have to answer that. And no, they don't.
Dr. Bell: Actually...
Mandy: I said don't answer.

Mandy: Hey. Wasn't sure you were coming.
George Jr.: Well, I'm here.
Dr. Bell: You must be Mr. McAllister.
George Jr.: She's McAllister. I'm Cooper.
Mandy: Can you not?
George Jr.: Well, I just don't want her to think we're married. I know how embarrassing that'd be for you.
Mandy: That is not what I said.
George Jr.: We're not married.
Dr. Bell: Really not my business.

Mandy: Why would you tell the doctor I got pregnant when you were 17?
George Jr.: She asked what our history was.
Mandy: Medical history!
George Jr.: That was unclear.

Sheldon: So, where exactly is the telescope?
Dr. Prakash: Hawaii. We just access its data.
Sheldon: Ah. And what are we looking for?
Dr. Prakash: Well, you're looking for these numbers here to change... that would indicate that the star is dimming, possibly because an orbiting planet is passing in front of it.
Sheldon: Mm-hmm. [chuckles softly] ... ... Star Trek made this seem a lot more fun.

Dr. Bell: Just a warning, she's gonna get some shots today.
Mandy: Okay, kid. You don't cry, I don't cry. Actually, I'm gonna cry either way, but you don't cry.

Missy: Are you okay?
Billy Sparks: No. Britney Perkins asked me to go to the movies, but my mom says I'm not allowed to date because I'm too young.
Missy: I'm sure she's just looking out for you.
Billy Sparks: Maybe I could sneak out and still go with her.
Missy: Don't do that.
Billy Sparks: You sneak out of your house.
Missy: Because I'm a troubled kid. You're not.

Dr. John Sturgis: I heard Sheldon is working with Prakash.
Dr. Linkletter: Yeah, poor Prakash.
Dr. John Sturgis: [chuckles] Sheldon can be a bit much sometimes, but you have to admit he has a remarkable mind.
Dr. Linkletter: As he will be the first to tell you.
Dr. John Sturgis: [chuckling] I actually miss him.
Dr. Linkletter: I suppose things are a bit more lively when he's around.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wouldn't it be something if he really did find life on other planets?
Dr. Linkletter: He would immediately become the most famous scientist in the history of mankind. [John chuckles and walks off] Where are you going?
Dr. John Sturgis: Just to see if he needs any help.
Dr. Linkletter: Wait, I'll come with you.

Meemaw: You're up early.
Mandy: Georgie usually comes over and feeds her in the morning. But I think he's mad at me.
Meemaw: Yeah, you reject a guy's marriage proposal, they tend to take it personal.
Mandy: You speaking from experience?
Meemaw: I've broken a couple of hearts in my day.

Mary: Everything okay?
George Jr.: I don't want to talk about it.
Mary: You and Amber have a fight?
George Jr.: We broke up.
Mary: Oh, no. I'm sorry. Well... Maybe it's a good thing because you and Mandy and CeeCee make such a cute little family.
George Jr.: Mm-hmm.
Mary: You know, I see the way she's been looking at you.
George Jr.: Stop.
Mary: I mean it. I think she's ready to give you another chance.
George Jr.: Yeah, maybe I should just ask her to marry me.
Mary: Well... [chuckles] you don't want to scare her off. [clears throat]

Mary: Whew. Sounds like Georgie's home. George, wake up. Watch Star Trek with your son.
George Sr.: [exhales] What's happening?
Sheldon: Well, the Enterprise is traveling to Eminiar VII to resolve their war with the neighboring Vendikar. However, Kirk suspects that instead of fighting a real war, the Eminiaries and the Vendikaries are fighting a computer-simulated conflict. Uh-uh. Stay awake.
George Sr.: I'm awake.

Mary: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Dad and I are watching Star Trek. [George snores] I guess I'm watching Star Trek.
Mary: Want me to watch with you?
Sheldon: Sure. Let me catch you up. The Enterprise is traveling to Eminiar VII to resolve their war with the neighboring Vendikar.
Mary: Uh-huh.
Sheldon: But Kirk suspects that instead of having a real war, the Eminiaries and the Vendikaries are having a computer-simulated conflict.
Mary: Uh-huh.
Sheldon: In Kirk's opinion, by keeping the horrors of war at arm's length, they're simply prolonging it.

George Jr.: Will you marry...
Mandy: Yeah, I heard the question. Why are you asking it?
George Jr.: Well, 'cause I love you.
Mandy: [scoffs] Do ya?
George Jr.: I think so.
Mandy: You were just on a date with another girl.
George Jr.: Yeah, and I could be at her place right now, but instead, I'm here with you.
Mandy: Oh, well, thank you for your sacrifice.
George Jr.: I'm 18 years old... believe me, that's a sacrifice. [Constance cries]
Mandy: Oh, great. Are you happy?
George Jr.: Maybe she's crying because her mom don't want to marry her dad.
Mandy: Or maybe she's crying 'cause her mom wants to strangle her dad.

Dr. John Sturgis: Wait, is that something?
Dr. Prakash: No.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. [groans]
...
Dr. Linkletter: What about that?
Dr. Prakash: No, that's within the standard deviation.
Dr. Linkletter: Aha.
[Sheldon drinks from his can of Yoo-Hoo]

Missy: Billy, can I ask you something?
Billy Sparks: Yeah.
Missy: If Britney invited you to her party, would you want go to that instead of the movies with me?
Billy Sparks: No.
Missy: [sighs] Right.
Billy Sparks: Wait... did I get invited?
Missy: No.
Billy Sparks: Oh. She invited you.
Missy: Yeah.
Billy Sparks: You should go.
Missy: No, we have plans.
Billy Sparks: That's okay. We'll go to the movies another time.
Adult Sheldon: If you're hoping my sister made the noble decision, you and Billy are about to be sorely disappointed...
Missy: Thanks, Billy. You're the best.

Missy: And I never would've agreed to the first friend if I knew the second friend was gonna call.
Meemaw: I think you know what you have to do.
Missy: What if it's one of those times where I actually have to make the mistake to learn from it?
[Missy exhales after Meemaw shoots her a unimpressed look]

Missy: [sighs] Can I get some advice?
George Sr.: Mm. What's up?
Missy: I made plans with a friend, but then I got the chance to do something way cooler with another friend.
George Sr.: So, you want to ditch the first friend for someone else?
Missy: Not ditch so much as reschedule.
George Sr.: [sighs] I think you know the answer.
Missy: You're right. Thanks, Dad.

George Jr.: We got to stay calm. Don't let her see us panic.
Mandy: Right. Happy faces.
George Jr.: [smiling; cutesy voice] Hey, baby, this is normal. We're all okay.
Mandy: [smiling; cutesy voice] We're gonna get you out.
George Jr.: How're we gonna get her out?
Mandy: I don't know.
George Jr.: Wait, I got a bunch of hangers from the laundromat in my car. I can pick the lock.
Mandy: Go get them! [to CeeCee] Who has the dumbest mommy in the world? You do. Yes, you do.

Mandy: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
George Jr.: It's gonna be fine.
Mandy: How is it fine?
George Jr.: It's okay, I'll break the window.
Mandy: Glass'll go everywhere.
George Jr.: Right! See, you are a good mom.

Mandy: Oh, no. This is bad. I locked the keys in the car.
George Jr.: But the baby's in there.
Mandy: And now you know why it's bad!

Missy: [answers phone] Hello? Oh, hi, Britney. What's up? Saturday? Well, actually... I'm totally free, thanks. You're the best. [hangs up] Maybe I'm the bitch.

Adult Sheldon: Eight noes, three belly laughs, and one professor who pretended not to speak English later, I found my man.
Sheldon: Excuse me, Dr. Prakash? I'm Sheldon Cooper.
Dr. Prakash: Of course. I've heard a lot about you.
Sheldon: And I've heard nothing about you.

Adult Sheldon: While it was nice to have President Hagemeyer on my side, I still needed to find an advisor to approve my research. Some intrepid soul who was unafraid of tarnishing their reputation by taking a chance on a brilliant mind and a bold, untested idea.

Missy: That's her right there.
Brenda Sparks: [exhales softly] She's cute.
Missy: And this was before her boobs came in.
Brenda Sparks: So, she's just messing with Billy?
Missy: She might've asked him out. [off Brenda's look] Okay, she's messing with him.

Brenda Sparks: Who was that?
Billy Sparks: Britney Perkins.
Brenda Sparks: She that, uh, chunky one with the headgear?
Billy Sparks: No, she's a cheerleader and her teeth are beautiful.
Brenda Sparks: Oh. And... and she asked you out.
[cut to Brenda knocking on the Coopers' front door, which Missy opens:]
Brenda Sparks: What do you know about Britney Perkins?

Meemaw: Hey there, birthday boy. What're you doing home so early?
George Jr.: Apparently, wasting my time.
Mandy: You cannot just show up here and spring a proposal on me.
Meemaw: You proposed?
George Jr.: Don't worry. It won't happen again. [exits]
Meemaw: [to Mandy] So, when's the wedding?