George: What are you doing?
Missy: Watching Sheldon struggle with homework. It's so great.

Sheldon: And then, at exactly nine o'clock, he locked the doors and wouldn't let any latecomers in.
Mary: That seems a little harsh.
Sheldon: He's so intolerant. It's fantastic. He also wears a bow tie, and instead of using my name, he gave me a number.
Mary: I don't think I like that, either.
Sheldon: No, it's great. It's like we're robots. And guess what my number is.
Georgie: Number two? [Missy snickers]
Sheldon: No, number one, like Riker on Star Trek. But number two is also good. Like the pencil.

Professor Boucher: This course is about practical applications. This isn't about fancy theories or what works in a classroom. If a tunnel collapses, the only math that's gonna matter is the body count. [Sheldon raises his hand] You.
Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper.
Professor Boucher: Son, I'll learn your name if you make it to midterms. Right now, you're just a number to me.
Sheldon: Ooh, can I be number one? That's what Captain Picard calls Commander Riker on Star Trek: Next Generation.
Professor Boucher: You need to listen more and talk less. Is that clear, number one?
Sheldon: Aye, Captain.

Dale: [answers phone] Ballard's.
Meemaw: Hello.
Dale: Hey, what's up?
Meemaw: Oh, nothing. I just called to say hello.
Dale: Oh. Gee, I don't think I've done that in my entire life.
Meemaw: You want me to hang up?
Dale: No. Uh-uh. W... But what happens next?

Meemaw: [on the phone] Hi, June. What's going on?
June: I know you have a hair appointment this afternoon, but I'm gonna have to cancel.
Meemaw: Everything okay?
June: No, I busted my knee up pretty good.
Meemaw: Oh. Does Dale know? I-I'm on the other line with him.
June: No, not yet. Yeah, you can tell him.
Meemaw: Okay, hang on. [changes line] Hello?
Dale: I'm so sorry, who's this? It's been so long.
Meemaw: I'm on the phone with June. She hurt her knee.
Dale: How?
Meemaw: Well, hold on. [changes line] How'd you hurt it?
June: Oh, it's so embarrassing. I slipped on a glob of hair gel at the salon.
Meemaw: Wait a minute. [changes line] She slipped on a glob of hair gel at the salon.
Dale: [laughs] Oh, nice. Well, that was worth the wait.

Meemaw: So, how's it going? Do you have anybody to help you out?
June: Oh, yeah. [picks up pill bottle] These little guys. Elvis was onto something.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Till he keeled over on the toilet.
June: He was the king. That was his throne.
Meemaw: [laughs] Seriously, now, though, if you need anything at all, we are here for you.
Dale: That's right. 100%. [Meemaw slaps Dale]
Meemaw: Would you stop?
Dale: I was being sincere.
Meemaw: Well, that's for the next dumb thing you say.
Dale: Well, just quit hitting me, would you?
Meemaw: Well, quit being stupid.

Sheldon: I finished my design assignment early.
Professor Boucher: I admire that initiative.
Sheldon: Thank you, I stayed up late to finish it. My normal bedtime is 2100 hours, but I was so excited to do it that I took a power nap in my Meemaw's back seat on the drive home. [slides document towards Boucher]
Professor Boucher: Uh, you'll need to do this again. It's wrong. [slides it back to Sheldon]
Sheldon: No, it's not. [slides it back to Boucher]
Professor Boucher: Son, I'm giving you another chance before it's due.
Sheldon: Well, what's wrong with it?
Professor Boucher: That's your job to figure out.
Sheldon: I would argue that it's your job to teach me. [slides it back to Boucher]
Professor Boucher: Let's see. [clears throat] To start, this bridge is in pieces.
Sheldon: What do you mean? [Boucher rips the document in two] Well, two can play at this game.
[Sheldon rips the document in two] [Boucher places the pieces in the trash can] Well, now they can't.

Sheldon: And then he ripped up my paper right in front of me.
Mary: What is this man's problem?
Sheldon: I don't know. He didn't even use a ruler. He just ripped it up, willy-nilly.
Mary: Do you want me to call the school?
Sheldon: No, he was in the Army. I want him to think I'm tough.
Mary: Sure. Well, I'm sorry you had a bad day. How about a little trip to RadioShack?
Sheldon: RadioShack's not gonna make this better. It's also not gonna make it worse, so okay.
Mary: You got it.
Sheldon: Maybe he was just intimidated by my intelligence.
Mary: Or maybe he's an insecure bully taking out his frustrations on a little boy.
Sheldon: I like my version better where I'm intimidating and not a helpless child.
Mary: Okay, he's taking out his frustrations on a powerful and intimidating young man.
Sheldon: That works.

Dale: [answers phone] Ballard's.
June: It's me. Any chance you could swing by?
Dale: What do you need?
June: Well, the recliner won't go down, and I'm stuck in this chair like a damn fool.
Dale: Well, that is a situation. How long you been stuck?
June: Are you gonna help me out or not?
Dale: Oh, just give me a moment to enjoy it.
June: Get your ass over here and you can laugh at me in person.
Dale: Eh, I'm on my way.
June: [exhales] Thank you.
Dale: Got to grab my camera.

Professor Boucher: You wanted to see me, ma'am?
President Hagemeyer: Hello, Professor Boucher. Please, come in, have a seat.
Professor Boucher: I'd prefer to stand.
President Hagemeyer: Oh. All right, uh, then, I will also stand. [chuckles] You know what, um, these are really not standing shoes, so I'm just gonna sit. I was hoping that we could have a little chat about Sheldon Cooper. [Boucher is silent] I'll start. Sheldon is a very important asset to this university. And we like to keep that little fella happy. But it seems that your teaching methods are making him unhappy. You understand?
Professor Boucher: Yes, ma'am, I do.
President Hagemeyer: Great.
Professor Boucher: You'd like me to turn his frown upside down.
President Hagemeyer: You know, when you say it, it sounds more chilling than fun. I'm just saying that he's a sensitive kid, and you are... Well, whatever this vibe is.
Professor Boucher: I understand.
President Hagemeyer: Excellent, so you'll take it easy on him?
Professor Boucher: No. I'm sorry, ma'am, I can't do that.
President Hagemeyer: You see, uh... all these "ma'ams," they sound polite, but then I don't seem to be getting anywhere.
Professor Boucher: Well, that's because you're not.
President Hagemeyer: You do realize that I'm your boss?
Professor Boucher: Yes, ma'am, I do. And do you realize that I have tenure?
President Hagemeyer: Ugh, tenure. What fun is it being president if I can't threaten people's jobs?
Professor Boucher: May I get back to class now?
President Hagemeyer: Oh, fine. And fall off, or whatever it is.
Professor Boucher: It's "dismissed," ma'am.
President Hagemeyer: Just go. [Boucher laughs softly] I heard that giggle.

George: What's going on?
Sheldon: I can't figure out this engineering project. And every time I turn it in, my professor just rips it up.
George: Well, ain't this the fella you liked?
Sheldon: I did, when I thought he was pushing me to be all I could be, but it turns out all he can be is mean.

Sheldon: Could you talk to him?
George: You're in college now. Don't you think you should fight your own battles?
Sheldon: Does telling on him to the president of the university count?
George: Did it work?
Sheldon: No.
George: Then no.

Sheldon: Will you please talk to him?
George: [sighs] Ooh, what if your mom does it?
Sheldon: But you were both in the Army. And you're both crabby and impatient. There's a lot of common ground.
George: You really got under this guy's skin, huh?
Sheldon: It would seem so.
George: Lot of common ground.

June: [answers phone] Hello.
Meemaw: Hey, June. Connie. Just wanted to see if you need anything.
June: Nah, I'm good, but thank you, though.
Meemaw: You sure? Groceries? Dishes? Help in the shower?
June: Damn it, Dale.

Professor Boucher: You wanted to see me, ma'am?
President Hagemeyer: Professor. I understand you locked Sheldon out of class.
Professor Boucher: Well, he was late. That's my policy.
President Hagemeyer: I need you to do me a favor.
Professor Boucher: Yes?
President Hagemeyer: Tell me exactly what his face looked like when it happened.
Professor Boucher: Wh... Seriously?
President Hagemeyer: Oh... Paint me a picture. I want to feel like I was the one who closed that door.
Professor Boucher: Oh, I'm gonna sit for this. Okay, so he approached the door with that smug look he has.
President Hagemeyer: Ugh. I know it well.
Professor Boucher: Then, when he realized it was locked, his face fell into shock and disbelief.
President Hagemeyer: [laughs] Nice. Uh, show me. Do the face. [chuckles] [laughs] Oh, sir, you have turned my frown upside down.
Professor Boucher: You are welcome, ma'am. [laughs]