Sheldon: It's funny. This morning, I couldn't get out of bed, and now I stand before a whole new exciting field of study.
Meemaw: Well, maybe instead of making this big switch, you could study both. You could be physics-philosophy guy.
Sheldon: You sound like a logical positivist. That's a branch of philosophy that maintains the best way to philosophize is through science.
Meemaw: Well, there you go. Do that.
Sheldon: It may be too early to specialize. I've only been a philosopher for 15 minutes.
Meemaw: Did you notice Dr. Linkletter didn't look too thrilled about you leaving science?
Sheldon: He never looks thrilled about anything. I think that's just his face. [Meemaw turns to look at Sheldon] That's the face.

Adult Sheldon: Traditionalism is the philosophy that the best way of life is a return to the past.
Georgie: What are you doing?
Sheldon: [shaking a jar] Making my own butter, like in olden times.
Georgie: That's stupid.
Adult Sheldon: My arms are still sore.

Adult Sheldon: Altruism is the belief that we should live only by bringing happiness to others.
[Sheldon lays down a plate of crackers in front of Missy]
Sheldon: These are for you.
Missy: Thanks.
[Sheldon takes the plate and walks away]
Missy: What the hell?!
Adult Sheldon: Egoism is the belief that we should live only by bringing happiness to ourselves.
Sheldon: [eats] Mmm. These are pretty good.

George: And then Georgie accuses me of hating my job. Is this where I thought I'd end up? No. Is this where you thought you'd end up?
Coach Wilkins: I thought I'd be working at my father's funeral home sewing people's eyes shut. My life turned out great.
George: Well, good for you. [laughs] The worst part is, I think Georgie's right.
Principal Petersen: You're not happy at work?
Coach Wilkins: I can see if my dad's hiring. How are your sewing skills?
George: It's not work. [sighs] Honestly, I don't know if I'm happy anywhere.
Principal Petersen: Ugh. When I asked y'all to hang for a drink, I didn't know you were gonna be such a bummer. [laughs] Geez Louise.

[Sheldon sits on the top of the couch with his feet on the cushion]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm practicing the philosophy of cynicism... The ancient Greek view that the rules of society should be ignored.
Missy: If you're gonna break rules, you can do better than that.
Sheldon: How?
[Missy pushes Sheldon off the couch]

George: I talked to him. Where is your mother?
Missy: She had to leave for work.
George: I have to work, too.
Missy: You also get to take me to school.
George: What am I supposed to do about your brother?
Missy: Call me old-fashioned, but I say spank him.
George: Your mom won't let me.

George: Sheldon's not here anymore. Thought it'd be a while before I got called back into the principal's office.
Principal Petersen: [exhales] How's he doing? I miss that kid.
George: He took a philosophy class and won't get out of bed 'cause he doesn't know what's real anymore.
Principal Petersen: Anyway, uh... We need to talk about Georgie.
George: Should've seen that coming. What's wrong?
Principal Petersen: Well, he's been cutting classes.
George: Already? Semester's barely started.
Principal Petersen: He's a go-getter.
George: Mm. I'll talk to him.
Principal Petersen: Thanks. How's the team looking this year, George?
George: [grunts] We just had one difficult conversation, Tom. Let's not have another.
Principal Petersen: Smart.

Georgie: Is this gonna take long? I need to get to class.
George: From what I hear, you don't care about that. Now, sit. [Georgie sits] What the hell you doin'?
Georgie: I cut a class. Who cares?
George: It was more than one, and I care. You start flunking out, you're gonna get kicked off the team.
Georgie: Fine.
George: Now you don't care about football?
Georgie: Not really.
George: I don't know what's going on with you, but you better get your head out of your ass.
Georgie: Football's a waste of time. I have a job I could be at.
George: You made a commitment to the team and you're gonna honor it.
Georgie: [exhales] We done?
George: Just get back to class. And I better see you at practice.
Georgie: Well, I don't know if I can find it with my head up my ass.

Dr. Linkletter: Although tasty, a brick of cheese is not a number. Why are we still talking about this?
Sheldon: Maybe we're not talking at all.
Dr. Linkletter: Okay, that's enough for today.
Sheldon: Not your best lecture.

Professor Ericson: It's fairly normal for first-time philosophy students to have their worldviews shaken.
Meemaw: Do they snap out of it?
Professor Ericson: Well, you hope.
Dr. Linkletter: [enters] Professor Ericson, I insist... Hello, Connie. What a pleasant surprise.
Meemaw: Hey.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm sorry you're about to see me speak harshly to my colleague.
Meemaw: Have at it.

Dr. Linkletter: Professor Ericson, I insist that you speak to this young man and explain to him that reality is real, and it's possible to know things as fact.
Professor Ericson: The class is called "Introduction to Philosophy." That's what I did.
Meemaw: Well, un-introduce him.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, he's at this school 'cause of his brilliant scientific mind, and he spent my last class talking about processed cheese.
Meemaw: Sheldon, is that true?
Sheldon: Nothing's true.
Dr. Linkletter: You see what you've done? You broke him.

George: Why the hell weren't you at practice?
Georgie: Can't talk right now. I'm working.
George: Well, you're gonna talk about it.
Georgie: What do you want from me? I don't want to play football. I want to work.
George: You have your whole life to hold down a job.
Georgie: Hey, I like my job. It's not my problem you hate yours.
George: ... Do whatever you want. [walks out]

Adult Sheldon: Renaissance humanism is finding meaning in the human form through art.
Billy Sparks: Can I move?
Sheldon: No.
Billy Sparks: But my butt itches.
Sheldon: Scratch it on your own time.

Adult Sheldon: Transcendentalists were philosophers who believed that our deepest connection is with nature.
Sheldon: Eh.

George: I don't know what's gotten into that kid.
Coach Wilkins: He's allowed to not want to play football.
George: Can you for once in your life take my side, Wayne?
Coach Wilkins: Not my fault you're never right.