Adult Sheldon: In the world of collecting, I'm what's known as a completist. For example, I own every gauge of model train from the mighty "G," to the tiny "T." Look at how cute it is, I just want to eat it up. However, the downside of being a completist is when something's missing, it's like an itch you can't scratch, even if you own a complete set of Justice League back scratchers... which I do. In this case that itch was the comic book issue Doom Patrol and Suicide Squad Special #1.

Sheldon: What do you mean, you sold it?
Missy: Somebody gave me money, and I gave them the comic book. That's kind of how things work here.

Sheldon: So, as you can see on the chart on page 34, the amount of time spent searching for grants would be cut by 80%. Do you see what this could do for the scientific community?
President Hagemeyer: Yes. [gasps] We could charge an access fee to every university on the planet, and I can retire on a yacht in the Bahamas.
Sheldon: You're missing the point.
President Hagemeyer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, good for science. I love it.

George Jr.: Were you mad at Mom for getting pregnant?
Meemaw: Oh, yeah.
George Jr.: Did you stop talking to her?
Meemaw: Hell no, I wanted her to hear how pissed off I was. But all that being mad at her just was a waste of time.
George Jr.: What made you come around?
Meemaw: I guess you showing up.
George Jr.: I do have a natural charm, don't I?
Meemaw: You did, and then you learned to talk.

Sheldon: Why would New Mutants be next to New Teen Titans?
Missy: Because they both start with "New"?
Sheldon: But one's Marvel and the other's DC. Would you put Aquaman and Sub-Mariner next to each other?
Missy: I don't know, they could talk about fish.

Sheldon: Too bad there's not a comic book database so I could search through it and find what I'm looking for.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, CERN has something similar. You can search a database of scientific papers.
Sheldon: But there's no database for comic books.
Dr. Linkletter: You should make one. Somewhere else.
Sheldon: Mmm, sounds like a lot of work.
Dr. Linkletter: Or does it sound like a lot of fun? Go find out.
Sheldon: Do you want to do it with me?
Dr. Linkletter: Only if you share credit, and my name comes first.
Sheldon: Never mind. [exits]
Dr. Linkletter: I knew that would work.

[As George works on his team sheets at the kitchen table, Georgie walks in and grabs a beer from the fridge]
George Sr.: What are you doing?
George Jr.: Oh, you know, just one of them days.
George Sr.: Put that back.
George Jr.: I'll split it with you.
George Sr.: No.
George Jr.: Fine.

President Hagemeyer: So, our next step is we get legal involved and start drawing up the contracts.
Sheldon: Shouldn't we build a working prototype first to prove it's viable?
President Hagemeyer: Well, do you think it's viable?
Sheldon: I do.
President Hagemeyer: Well, that's good enough for me. I'll call legal.
Sheldon: Wait, what should I do?
President Hagemeyer: Uh... Here's a dollar. Go get yourself a Yoo-hoo on me.
Sheldon: All right. [exits] [Hagemeyer picks up the phone]

Mary: Food would have helped.

Jim: Well, Mandy's not gonna apologize to her mom, and her mom's not gonna apologize to her, so I got to figure out some way to broker the peace.
Mary: Maybe we could have everyone over here for dinner.
George Sr.: Mary, when has that ever worked?
Mary: Food is healing, George. You should know.
George Sr.: Hey.
Mary: What? I'm just lightening the mood.

Mary: So, Jim, your daughter is just lovely.
Jim: Oh, thanks. And, uh, your son seems... brave.
George Sr.: Brave, dumb, it's a coin toss.

Nathan: Okay, so we're agreed, we'll have Marvel over here, DC over there, and indies in the back.
Sheldon: But within each section, how do we organize them?
Nathan: Alphabetical, by title.
Sheldon: But then you'd have Amazing Spiderman in the A's, Spectacular Spiderman in the S's, and Web of Spiderman in the W's. You see the insanity.
Nathan: Okay. So we'll do it alphabetical by character.
Sheldon: But then we file Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen under "J" for "Jimmy" or "S" for "Superman"?
Missy: How about under "I" for I'm going home. [exits]
Nathan: What if we go crazy and organize them by artist?
Sheldon: All the Steve Ditkos in one place? 'Nuff said.

Missy: Can't believe this is how I'm spending my night.
Sheldon: I know, alone in a comic book store. A dream come true.
Missy: Your dreams are sad.
Sheldon: Hmm. At least they've been realized.

George Sr.: She introduced you to her folks?
George Jr.: Mmm, I sort of introduced myself to them, and it didn't go great.
George Sr.: Well, you're ass ain't full of buckshot, so it could have gone worse.
George Jr.: I don't know, it feels pretty bad.
George Sr.: Your Pop Pop decked me once.
George Jr.: No.
George Sr.: Oh, yeah. Got me good. But it all worked out.
George Jr.: He end up liking you?
George Sr.: He died.

George Jr.: Our baby's gonna be their grandkid.
Mandy: So?
George Jr.: So we're gonna need free babysitters.
Meemaw: He's got you on that one.
Mandy: [sighs] They cut me off. If they want to be a part of this kid's life, then they can start by apologizing.
George Jr.: I don't know, your mom don't seem like the apologetic type of gal.
Mandy: Oh, so now you're the expert on my parents?
George Jr.: I got a handle on your dad. Your mom, she's a tougher nut. She kind of reminds me of you.
[Mandy turns around and walks out]
Meemaw: You think that was smart or dumb?
George Jr.: Dumb.
[Meemaw taps her nose and winks]

Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon...
Sheldon: Hello.
Dr. Linkletter: Are you comfortable? Can I get you anything?
Sheldon: I wouldn't say no to a water.
Dr. Linkletter: I wasn't being sincere. Why are you at my desk?
Sheldon: I needed to use your modem to check my bulletin board.
Dr. Linkletter: Why can't you use the library?
Sheldon: Then I wouldn't get to see you, silly.

Sheldon: Ooh, I got a response. Someone named RedWolf has the comic I'm looking for.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, joy.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. Someone named Sucka MC just offered to buy it.
Dr. Linkletter: Riveting.
Sheldon: RedWolf sold it. This is a disaster.
Dr. Linkletter: That's too bad. Move.
Sheldon: [groan] These message boards are so frustrating. You have to post what you're looking for, then hope someone responds, and then hope you see the reply before they sell it to someone named Sucka MC.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, you're frustrated? I'm sorry. I can only imagine what that feels like.

Sheldon: But there was a note on file. If one became available, it was supposed to be held for me.
Missy: Sorry.
Sheldon: But there was a note on file.
Missy: I didn't see a note.
Sheldon: Did you even check the file?
Missy: I can't help you. The comic is gone.
Sheldon: Well, who'd you sell it to?
Missy: I don't know, some guy.
Sheldon: Which guy?
Missy: Some weird guy.
Sheldon: That doesn't narrow it down, and you know it.

Audrey: Why won't she marry you? What's wrong with you?
George Jr.: Hmm. Tough to say. Maybe I'm too ambitious and put work first sometimes.
Jim: You know what, I do the same thing. [off Audrey's look] I do.
George Jr.: Well, it was lovely to see you both. Maybe someday you can tell me more about the tire business. I bet it's fascinating.
Jim: Oh, well, I'd like that. You know, my son takes no interest in it.
George Jr.: His loss. [Jim chuckles]
Audrey: Goodbye, Mr. Cooper.
George Jr.: Goodbye, ma'am. Steel-belted radials, who came up with that?
Jim: Oh, that was Michelin.
George Jr.: Oh, yeah. There you go. [exits]
Jim: [laughs] He asked.

Jim: He wanted to talk.
Audrey: Great. Let's talk about how we busted our butts to send Amanda to college, give her opportunities we never had, and now she's knocked up and right back in Medford. Let's talk about that.
George Jr.: Well, my meemaw likes to say that every baby brings a little luck. [they're silent] Yeah, that's... what she likes to say.

Adult Sheldon: I was on a mission. All I had to do was turn to the power of the Internet for help. [line ringing] [modem screeching] Unfortunately in 1992, that power had a long way to go.
Sheldon: [clears throat]
Adult Sheldon: [modem static] [beeps and static] I do kind of miss that sound.

Mandy: Oh, no.
George Jr.: What?
Mandy: My parents.
George Jr.: Cool. Should we say hi?
Mandy: We should run.
[When Mandy's father, Jim, notices Mandy, he points her out to his wife, Audrey. Mandy gives a slight wave, which her father returns. Audrey does not look impressed. Georgie decides to wave, too.]
Mandy: Oh, just stop it.

Nathan: [answers phone] Hello?
Sheldon: Hello, Nathan. Sheldon Cooper.
Nathan: Oh, hey. How's it going?
Sheldon: Terrible, thank you for asking. I understand that you recently purchased Doom Patrol Suicide Squad Special Issue #1 from King Kong Comics.
Nathan: Yeah, I've been trying to track it down forever.
Sheldon: Me too. They were supposed to hold it for me. I had a note on file.
Nathan: The girl there didn't say anything.
Sheldon: That "girl there" is my sister, and she should have because I had a note on file.
Nathan: Your sister works there? That's so cool.
Sheldon: If it was cool, I would have Doom Patrol Suicide Squad Special Issue #1.

Sheldon: [on the phone] Let me buy it from you.
Nathan: Ooh. Sorry, little man. No can do.
Sheldon: Please, it's the only thing I need to complete my collection.
Nathan: I'll tell you what, you know Secret Wars #8?
Sheldon: When Spider-Man receives his black costume? Yeah, I'm familiar.
Nathan: Yeah, well, I need it to complete my collection. Find it and Suicide Squad is yours.
Sheldon: You got it.
Nathan: Ciao.

Mandy: What?
George Jr.: I was wrong, go ahead and yell at me.
Mandy: It's not up to you. I decide when I'm gonna yell.
George Jr.: Okay, which way you leaning?
Mandy: [yells] What the hell is wrong with you? You went to his store?

Sheldon: Ooh, there could be ones for scientific grants.
Nathan: Yeah, or my idea.
Sheldon: Finding grants is such a time-consuming process. If there was a centralized database, it would change the research landscape entirely.
Nathan: Yeah, that's cool, I guess.
Sheldon: And many grants never get applied for because people don't know about them, so this would be good for the grantor and the grantee.
Nathan: Well, shouldn't we finish this first?
Sheldon: This idea is too big to wait. I got to go. Will you lock up? [door bells jingle]
Nathan: I'm gonna steal so much stuff.

Nathan: Could it be used to catalog other things?
Sheldon: Yes, the applications are endless.
Nathan: So there could be a database of, I don't know, available women?
Sheldon: Available for what?
Nathan: At this point, anything.

Nathan: So, you can just type in whatever comic you're looking for, and the computer will tell you who has it?
Sheldon: Once enough people enter their inventories in the database, yes.
Nathan: That's really cool.
Sheldon: Would you say it's revolutionary?
Nathan: I would.
Sheldon: Will you?
Nathan: It's revolutionary.
Sheldon: Thanks.

Mary: What can we help you with?
Jim: Oh, well, uh, I got some money here, and I was just hoping y'all could give it to Mandy.
Mary: She's just right across the street at my mom's. You could give it to her yourself.
Jim: Oh, no, I couldn't do that and stay married.
George Sr.: Sounds like we got the same wife.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: [laughs] Just trying to lighten the mood, honey. I-I'll make sure she gets it.
Jim: Thank you.
Mary: I'm sure your wife will come around eventually.
Jim: Well, I'm hoping that when she sees the baby, that ice cube in her chest might start to melt.
George Sr.: Yep, same wife. Come on, it's funny.

George Jr.: Hey, Mr. McAllister, remember me?
Jim: You're kind of hard to forget.
George Jr.: Thank you.

Missy: Aren't we here to type stuff into the computer?
Sheldon: There's no reason we can't do both.
Missy: It's gonna take forever.
Sheldon: We could use some help.
[cut to:]
Nathan: A comic book store after hours. It's a dream come true.
Sheldon: And we get to organize it.
Missy: We don't have to.
Sheldon: Don't listen to her, she doesn't appreciate the dream.

George Jr.: You know, it doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. My mom got pregnant with me before she and my dad got married.
Audrey: So you're gonna marry my daughter?
George Jr.: Well, if she'd stop saying "No."

Nigel: So you're gonna input my whole inventory free of charge?
Sheldon: Yes.
Nigel: Well, can you do it at night so you're not in the way?
Sheldon: My bedtime is 9:30, so that's a solid two hours.
Nigel: Well, there's a lot of comics here. How long is this gonna take?
Sheldon: This is quite the undertaking. Would you like to help?
Nigel: You got it. Missy, you're working late tonight.
Missy: [sighs] Freaking Sheldon.

Sheldon: So if you let me build a searchable database of all your titles, then theoretically, anyone in the world can see your inventory.
Nigel: That sounds all right.
Sheldon: All right? This is revolutionary. Other comic book stores will follow suit, and someday, if you want to find Doom Patrol and Suicide Squad Special Issue #1, then all you'll have to do is type it in.
Nigel: I just sold one of those.
Sheldon: Despite the note on file, but that's water under the bridge.

Mandy: This is nice.
George Jr.: Yep. But it's not a date. Just dinner.
Mandy: Right.
George Jr.: For two people having a baby.
Mandy: Georgie...
George Jr.: Who recently spent a night of lovemaking together.
Mandy: Please stop.
George Jr.: I just want to know what we're doing here.
Mandy: We're having dinner, and I'm ordering two desserts. Don't complicate it.

Sheldon: Missy, I need to speak with your manager.
Missy: I didn't mean to sell your stupid comic book.
Sheldon: It's not about that, although I'm still upset about that, and will be for as long as I live.
Missy: Then why do you need to talk to him for?
Sheldon: I have a business proposal. It touches on the burgeoning field of informatics and could revolutionize...
Missy: Nigel!