George: [v.o.] I've included some Polaroids of your granddaughter and your hot American boy toy.

Mary: So he's really good to graduate?
Principal Petersen: He sure is. I got to tell ya, usually when kids leave school after two years, it's not for college. It's for prison or pregnancy.
George: Well, between Georgie and Missy, we may hit the trifecta.
Mary: George!
George: Well, I'm not rooting for it. It's just a thing that could happen.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Georgie: Well, I can write you a letter if you want.
Mandy: Please don't.
Georgie: Why not?
Mandy: 'Cause your spelling makes me sad.
Georgie: I can use small words.

Meemaw: Well, there must be a way to compromise.
Dale: Compromise? There's no compromise. You won't let me spritz your nasal passages.
Meemaw: Even if I did, that's not gonna stop the tear gas coming out of your pants.
Dale: Onions in, onions out... We talked about this, you know.

Mandy: Aw. I think it's so romantic, you two writing to each other.
Georgie: It's just 'cause he's a cheapskate.
George: It can be both.
Mandy: Well, I think it's sweet.