Adult Sheldon: Rules are the pillars of society. I love rules. But what benefit are rules to a dead man?

Sheldon: Excuse me. Do I look like I'm getting sick to you?
Diane: You look a little pale.
Sheldon: Okay, good, that's normal.

Georgie: The only thing you need to worry about in detention is staying close to the teacher. If he leaves the room, you go with him.
Sheldon: Why?
Georgie: 'Cause you're gonna get your "A" word kicked.
Sheldon: Are you saying I'll be in physical danger?
Georgie: It's all the worst kids in school in one room for an hour. What do you think's gonna happen?
Sheldon: I thought we were gonna spend the time regretting our actions and thinking about how we could be better in the future.
Georgie: Well, you thought wrong. Get lost.
Sheldon: You're both mean and nice to me. It's confusing.

Sheldon: Would you prefer a piece of paper? I have some in my briefcase. It's here if you change your mind.

Mary: Not so funny now, is it?
Meemaw: No. How long is he suspended for?
George: A week.
Mary: And it goes on his permanent record.
Meemaw: Well, that's no big deal. I had all kinds of stuff on my permanent high school record. Didn't stop me from being a bartender for eight years.

George: I think the real issue we need to deal with is his germ phobia.
Meemaw: Oh, yes, you don't want him turning into Howard Hughes. Growing his nails out. Peeing in a jar.
George: Why would he pee into a jar?
Meemaw: I don't know why he peed in a jar, I just know he did.

Mary: Thank you for seeing us, Doctor.
Dr. Eberland: No problem. So, what do you got today, Sheldon? Rickets? Rabies? Early-onset menopause?
Sheldon: Is he making a joke?
Mary: I believe so.
Sheldon: Humorous.

Mary: Doctor, Sheldon is afraid to go to school because he might get exposed to some kind of bacteria or virus.
Dr. Eberland: So he's got a phobia?
Sheldon: It's not a phobia if the threat is real. You're a doctor, you should know that.

Missy: [after drawing on Sheldon's face mask] So pretty.

Mary: Sheldon, why are you still up?
Sheldon: We're all gonna die! This isn't funny.
Mary: I know, baby, I know. But you need to understand that sometimes the news says those things just to scare people.

Missy: We have to go to school, and Sheldon doesn't? That's not fair.
Mary: Sure it is. Sheldon loves school and can't go. You hate school and have to. Fair.

George: He still has to spend his day doing chores. Can't sit around playing with his trains.
Georgie: Yeah, put him to work. Good parenting, Dad.
George: Oh, I'm glad you approve.
Georgie: I do.

George: Where you going?
Mary: I'm gonna give Sheldon a list of chores.
George: You're actually taking my advice?
Mary: Yes.
George: Well, how about that?
Mary: Hey, you were due.
Missy: Proud of you, George.

Mary: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yes.
Mary: The door's locked. Can you open it?
Mary: No. What on earth?
Sheldon: Hello.
Mary: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I made a real germ-proof hedge of protection.
Mary: Oh, honey, you can't stay in there.
Sheldon: I've got a refrigerator, I've got my sleeping bag, and anything else I need I can make out of Legos.
Mary: What's with the Halloween costume?
Sheldon: In case of a breach.
Mary: Stay right there.
Sheldon: That's my plan.

George: It's ridiculous. I'm I'm gonna take it down.
Mary: No, you can't force him out of a phobia.
George: What do we do? He can't live in there.
Mary: Well, actually, he can. He's got the refrigerator and a sleeping bag.
Meemaw: And he can always go potty in the sink.