Mary: Way to go, Mom. Way to lead a Christian life.
Meemaw: Oh, does my daughter think poorly of me?
Mary: Yes.
Meemaw: Good. I can die happy.

Sheldon: All right, let's try this again. Would you be ready to learn some advanced calculus if it saved Celeste's pigtails?
Missy: What are you doing? Put her down.
Sheldon: Not until I modify your behavior.

Mary: Care to explain yourself?
Sheldon: I was trying to motivate Missy to expand her intellectual horizons.
Mary: By torturing her Cabbage Patch doll?
Sheldon: Well, it's not like I shocked her with electrodes, which was an option.
Mary: Enough.
Sheldon: To be clear, I meant to shock Missy, not the doll. That would be ineffective.
Mary: Enough!

Pastor Jeff: All right, everybody, welcome to the 1990 East Texas Baptist Olympics. [LAUGHS] 'Cause we're in the pool of water. Anyway, I want to welcome our little sister Veronica Duncan, who I will be dunkin'. [CHUCKLES] Sorry. I can't turn it off.

Sheldon: I just don't know where I went wrong.
Tam: Are you sure your questioning was skillful?
Sheldon: I thought so, but after two hours of interrogation, all I could extract from my sister's brain was that there was some sort of block with new kids on it.

Sheldon: So one-fourth of the 12 pieces of pie is?
Missy: Three?
Sheldon: Yes. And one-third of the 12 pieces is?
Missy: Four?
Sheldon: Yes. Now how much is one-third of the pie plus one-fourth of the pie?
Missy: Well, three plus four is seven, but there's 12 pieces, so seven-twelve-iths.
Sheldon: It's twelfths. And yes.
Missy: I did it.
Adult Sheldon: Actually, I did it. In less than ten minutes, I taught fractions to a monkey.

Adult Sheldon: Clearly, I needed a more sophisticated technique to motivate my simian sister.
Sheldon: Are you sure? If you learn a little algebra, I'll give you a banana.

Sheldon: I'm recording my findings so that future generations of mankind can understand the steps I took to create homo novus, "new man." Of course, there's a strong likelihood that my homo novi might've wiped out all future generations, so I have no idea who's watching this.

Missy: Why do we need the camera?
Sheldon: So people in the future can see your transformation. Where are you going?
Missy: To put on a dress for the future people.

Missy: Dear Alf, I'm your number one fan. I like you because you're an alien but you're funny, unlike my brother who's an alien but just a jerk. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying your time here on our planet and have found things to eat other than cats. I recommend chicken nuggets. Sincerely, Missy Cooper, age ten.

Georgie: Veronica. Hi.
Veronica: Hey, Georgie.
Georgie: You-you changed your hair.
Veronica: I did.
Georgie: It's shorter.
Veronica: It is.
Georgie: I like it.
Veronica: Thank-thanks.

Mary: All right, now we're reading from Matthew 4. Georgie, why don't you get us started on verse 17?
Georgie: Me?
Mary: Yes, you.
Georgie: Oh. Okay. Um, verse 17 [QUIETLY] Verse 17 Give me a minute.
Veronica: Here.
Georgie: Bless you.

Sheldon: Anyway, I've been doing some research, and I've come to the conclusion that I don't need to teach you anything. You already know everything.
Missy: Cool.
Sheldon: Your brain already contains all the math that will ever be known.
Missy: I heard you and I said "cool."
Sheldon: Well, wouldn't you like to explore that great treasure trove of knowledge?
Missy: That depends. What's a trove?
Sheldon: We'll circle back to that.

Missy: Hello, people of the future. My name is Missy Cooper and this is my best friend Celeste. [WHISPERS] She's dating Joey Lawrence.

George: What are you talking about?
Mary: He's only doing it 'cause of that Veronica girl.
George: Oh, sure. That makes sense.
Mary: What do you mean, it makes sense?
George: When I was his age, I hitchhiked to Florida 'cause I had a friend that had a girlfriend who knew a girl who might be willing.
Meemaw: But then you met my daughter and you didn't have to travel so far.