Mary: [inner monologue] Lord, please look after my family. Give them everything they need to be happy and healthy. And this lovely young girl with me tonight, help her stay on the path of righteousness.
Veronica: [inner monologue] God, please look after my sister. You can find her at the women's correctional facility in Lubbock. Help her seek salvation in you instead of cocaine, marijuana and bass players.
Georgie: [inner monologue] Jesus, I'm sure, even from Heaven, you can see how hot the girl sitting next to me is. And I know I'm not supposed to pray for myself, but here's the deal: if you can get her to fall in love with me, and you know, make some bad decisions, I swear I'll come to church every Sunday.
Mary: [inner monologue] And thank you for bringing Georgie tonight, even though you and I both know why he came. Speaking of which, whatever he's praying for right now, ignore it.
Veronica: [inner monologue] And please protect me from impure thoughts, and teach me to respect the sanctity of my body.
Georgie: [inner monologue] Now if for instance she and I were to go skinny dipping and one thing were to lead to another under the moonlit sky, get this: not only do I become a devout Christian, I will also bug everybody I meet to do the same. And you know I can be real annoying when I set my mind to it.
Mary: [inner monologue] Amen.
Veronica: [inner monologue] Amen.
Georgie: [inner monologue] I'm gonna take your silence as a yes. Amen.

Georgie: Maybe you should go across the street and apologize.
George: I can't do that.
Georgie: Why not?
George: 'Cause if I do, it sets a bad precedent.
Georgie: What's Nixon got to do with it?
George: What?
Georgie: You said "bad president," like Nixon. You know, this guy.

Georgie: What are you doing?
George: Separating the whites from the colors.
Georgie: Whoa, that's racist.

Missy: Do you believe in God?
Georgie: Yeah.
Missy: But in the Bible, he does all kinds of mean stuff. If he's good, why would he do that?
Georgie: Maybe he just wants to show he's in charge. Hulk Hogan's nice, but in the ring, he will mess you up.
Missy: That's either really smart or really stupid.
Georgie: That's what I do.
Missy: Do you ever wonder if it's all made-up?
Georgie: Look, this is Texas. We like football. We like God. And beef. Beef's up there, too.
Missy: But how do you know there's a God?
Georgie: See that girl dancing in them shorts? There's a God.

Mary: And you. Getting baptized just to kiss a girl? What were you thinking?
Georgie: Sounds like you know what I was thinking.

Mary: Georgie, if you want to be a good Christian, maybe you should stop lying through your teeth.
Georgie: Just be happy I brushed them, okay

Pastor Jeff: And I also want to welcome George Cooper, who has recently found his way to the Lord.
Georgie: Howdy. Praise Jesus.