Mary: See? He's talking about Robin.
Meemaw: Who is Robin?
Sheldon: Pastor Jeff's girlfriend.
Missy: Mom set them up, and now she thinks she's cool.
Mary: Shh. But I did set them up.
Meemaw: Cool.

Pastor Jeff: Hello, Coopers. Nice to see you, as always.
Mary: Lovely sermon today.
Sheldon: I wouldn't know. I couldn't hear over all the candy wrappers and gossip.
Meemaw: That's enough. Move along.

Mary: George, you will not believe what I get to do.
George: What's that?
Mary: Plan Pastor Jeff's wedding.
George: Oh, isn't that nice.
Mary: Oh, it's gonna be a lot of work. They want this done by next weekend.
George: What, he knock her up? [chuckles] Been there.
Mary: No. He is a man of God. He cannot have a physical relationship outside holy matrimony.
George: Oh, so that's the rush. [chuckles]
Mary: Well, yes, but they also seem very much in love.
George: Love is great.

Mary: Anyway, I am gonna be extra busy, so I'm gonna need you to pick up the slack around here. You know? The kids. Making meals.
George: Sounds good. Wait, what?
Mary: I need you to help out.
George: So, Pastor Jeff wants to get lucky, and I pay the price?
Mary: I am asking you to take care of your children.
George: And I'm asking you, why can't your mother do it?
Mary: George.
George: Fine.

Mary: Well, um, we have a lot to discuss. Reception, flowers, cake...
Pastor Jeff: Like I said, we're just looking for something simple.
Mary: Got it. Nothing fancy. Just elegant.
Pastor Jeff: Right, but a plain, bare-bones elegance.
Mary: How many guests were you thinking?
Pastor Jeff: It doesn't have to be big. I've been married before.
Mary: But Robin hasn't. And you're our pastor. Your congregation is gonna want to share in your special day.
Pastor Jeff: Those bones are sounding less bare.
Mary: Sorry. Your small, elegant, bare-bones, unforgettable, simple, special day. Now, let's talk centerpieces.

Mary: Oh, you can't skimp on the cake. It's the focal point of the entire wedding.
Pastor Jeff: How about this? We get a bunch of Ding Dongs, stack them in the shape of a heart. Everybody's happy.
Mary: You do not want your wife to look back at her wedding pictures and see a pile of Ding Dongs.
Pastor Jeff: I'm not sure she's gonna care.
Mary: She gonna care! [exhales] But there are more affordable cakes here that we can look at.
Pastor Jeff: Thank you.
Mary: Maybe they have some stale ones in the back that you can disappoint your bride with.

Meemaw: I'll take the chicken problems. Girl in bedroom? [singsong] All yours.

Meemaw: George. Why are you not in that bedroom?
George: Well, I'm just thinking of what to say.
Meemaw: They're teenagers. If you wait any longer, they'll be done.
George: I'm just gonna grab a beer.
Meemaw: George!

Georgie: What?
George: Door stays open.
Georgie: Why? We're just listening to music.
George: My house, my rules. And don't sit on the bed.
Georgie: Where are we supposed to sit?
George: Just not on the bed.
Georgie: Whatever. [to Jana] He's just mad 'cause we're young and he's not.

George: Hey, for your information, Mary is very happy.
[cut to:]
Mary: [crying] Robin's gonna look so beautiful in this. Your wedding's gonna be perfect.
Pastor Jeff: Great. Thank you.
Mary: She won't have to go down to city hall wearing the only thing that still fits 'cause she's trying to hide the fact that she's pregnant.
Pastor Jeff: Uh-huh.
Mary: [inhales loudly] She's gonna get the wedding of her dreams. [sobbing]
Pastor Jeff: [to the sales woman] If she cries on the dress, do I have to buy it?

George: You know it takes two people to get pregnant, right?
Meemaw: I know that. Does Georgie?
George: Probably. We got cable now.

Mary: I'm sorry. I'll stop.
Pastor Jeff: Hey, even though I'm looking fly, I'm still your pastor.
Mary: Well it's more than the wedding. Overnight, I became a wife and a mother. I feel like I missed out on a lot.
Pastor Jeff: Well, sometimes the Lord has his own plans for us. And if it helps, Robin and I always talk about how much we admire you and your family.
Mary: Really?
Pastor Jeff: Your marriage may have gotten off to a rough start, but if that's what it took to get where you are, maybe God knew what he was doing.
Mary: [sighs] You know what? Let's get back to planning your wedding.
Pastor Jeff: Oh, no. You're done. You may be a great wife and mother, but you stink at this.
Mary: That's fair.

George: Do I have to?
Meemaw: You want to add grandkids to this mess?
George: God, no.

Adult Sheldon: Pastor Jeff and Officer Robin finally had their ceremony, which was nice for them, but meant I had to go to church on a Saturday and watch old people kiss.