Meemaw: Come on, and bring that bucket of chicken out of there.
Missy: [o.s.] No, we're not eating it. What if it was Matilda's friend?
Meemaw: Honey, that one's from Kentucky. They didn't know each other.

George: [plunging] Maybe I'm being punished. Maybe I'm a bad person. That went in my mouth.

Sheldon: Stay back!
Meemaw: Calm down. We're taking her home.
Missy: To be murdered.
Sheldon: Okay, have fun.

George: Who the hell is this?
Sheldon: This is Nathan. He's been to four Comic-Cons.

Meemaw: Beam your ass out of here.
Nathan: Yes, ma'am. One to beam up. Energize.
[Star Trek: The Next Generation theme plays]
Adult Sheldon: Okay, that last part didn't happen, but, boy, would that have been neat.
Sheldon: That was so neat.
Nathan: Forgot my tape. [music stops, tape ejects] Energize.
Sheldon: I miss him already.

Pastor Jeff: Actually, Mary, can I speak to you for a sec?
Mary: Sure. Um, I'll be right there.
Meemaw: Yeah, make it quick. I don't want to miss kickoff.
Sheldon: [groans] Church and football? At least 60 Minutes is on tonight.

Caroline: Would you like to try it on?
Mary: Oh, no. I'm not here for me. Just helping a friend.
Caroline: Oh, too bad. That dress would be stunning on you.
Mary: Oh, I would look like a princess.

George: Done. I made 'em sit on the floor.
Meemaw: Smart. Nobody ever got pregnant on the floor. Have you had the talk with that boy?
George: Of course.
Meemaw: Really? What'd you say?
George: You know, the stuff you know, a father says when he has a talk with his son.
Meemaw: Good Lord. Did you tell him about protection?
George: Oh, come on, Connie.
Meemaw: Well, it's important. What if he knocks that poor girl up and ruins her life?
George: Is that a swipe at me?
Meemaw: Well, it depends. Did you knock up my daughter and ruin her life? Wait. I know the answer.

Jana: I think I'm gonna go.
Georgie: Okay.
Sheldon: Hola, senorita. She's in my Spanish class.
Jana: I'll call you later.
Sheldon: Te veo manana en la clase de espanol.
Jana: What?
Sheldon: That means, "See you tomorrow in Spanish class." I was going to ask how you thought you did on Friday's quiz, but I'm guessing the answer is no bueno. Adios.

George: Georgie, we need to talk.
Georgie: What now?
George: You're of an age where your body has urges.
Georgie: Oh, my God!
Meemaw: Georgie, you need to hear this.
Georgie: From both of you?
George: W-Well, who do you want to hear it from?
Georgie: No one. But if I got to pick, I guess you.
Meemaw: Good choice. Don't forget to tell him about venereal disease.

Meemaw: What's going on here?
Sheldon: Wesley Crusher was just accepted into Starfleet Academy, and for his final mission, he's accompanying Picard on a shuttle mission to Pentarus Five.
Meemaw: No. I mean who's your friend?
Sheldon: Oh, he's not a friend. He's a stranger. I met him on a Star Trek bulletin board. He had a copy of the episode Georgie taped over and brought it here.

George: And I know your mom would want me to tell you to wait till marriage, but I also know you're probably not going to.
Georgie: Did you?
George: The important thing is that when you're with a girl... [Georgie scoffs] You know how when we're running practice drills and we wear protection so both people are safe?
Georgie: Yeah.
George: Well, there you go.
Georgie: What?
George: Same thing, but with your privates.
Georgie: Please leave.
George: Thank you.

Mary: No tongue. Oh, there it is.
Missy: Where are they going in such a hurry?
Sheldon: Probably to unwrap their presents.
Meemaw: Something's getting unwrapped.
Sheldon: Told you.

Sheldon: I have a bone to pick with you, sir.
Georgie: What'd I do?
Sheldon: You taped over my Star Trek episode.
Georgie: So?
Sheldon: So, now I may never get to see it. What if it was a two-parter? I can't start a two-parter on part two. That's madness.

Pastor Jeff: The Bible says a lot about love. "Love thy neighbor." "For God so loved the world." In First Corinthians, it says, "Love is patient, love is kind." But what does it mean to truly love someone? You see, Jesus showed us...
Mary: [quietly]You see that?
Meemaw: [quietly] No. But keep talking.
Mary: Why?
Meemaw: 'Cause I'm trying to unwrap a candy, and I don't want anybody to hear.
Missy: [quietly] How come she gets candy? I want candy.
Sheldon: [quietly] How come you're not shushing them?
Mary: Shh! Shh.