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519 - A God-Fearin' Baptist and a Hot Trophy Husband

Aired Thursday, April 21, 2022
A God-Fearin' Baptist and a Hot Trophy Husband

After Georgie tells his parents that he has gotten a girl pregnant, George and Mary invite Mandy to dinner. Meanwhile, Sheldon and Missy sense that there is family drama going on that they are not being told about.

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Episode Notes

  • Title Reference: "A God-Fearin' Baptist" refers to Mary's prayer about Georgie and Mandy's baby while saying grace, while "a Hot Trophy Husband" refers to Georgie comment to Mandy at the family dinner.
  • Opening Credits Sequence: Sheldon is dressed in his normal clothes as a black cow with horns approaches the family.


Quote from George Jr.

George Jr.: Okay, in my defense...
Meemaw: You have no defense. You're an idiot.
George Jr.: That was a big part of my defense.

Quote from George Jr.

Mary: Maybe it would be better if you went to your parents with, um, good news first.
Mandy: And what would that be?
Mary: Well... everybody loves a wedding.
George Sr.: Would you stop with that?
Mary: It needs to be discussed.
Mandy: No, it doesn't. I'm having a baby, I don't need to marry another one.
George Jr.: I know I'm young now, but think about it... When you're a dried-up old lady, I'll be your hot trophy husband.
Meemaw: Maybe her dad should put you down.

Quote from Billy Sparks

Billy Sparks: You like meatloaf?
Missy: Yeah, is that what we're having?
Billy Sparks: No, just making dinner conversation.

Quote from George Sr.

George Sr.: Oh, no.
George Jr.: I messed up.
George Sr.: Oh, no.
George Jr.: What do I do?
George Sr.: Oh, no.
George Jr.: Please, say anything else.
George Sr.: I'm trying! Okay... Are you sure she's pregnant?
George Jr.: Yes, she took a test.
George Sr.: Sometimes those things are wrong.
George Jr.: She took more than one.
George Sr.: Well... Are you sure it's yours? Some gals like to get around.
George Jr.: Dad, she's pregnant, it's mine and she's having it.
George Sr.: Y'all are too young to have a baby!
George Jr.: I am. She's actually 29.
George Sr.: Oh, no.

Quote from George Jr.

Mary: What's going on? Everything okay?
George Sr.: You might want to sit.
Mary: Now you're scaring me.
George Sr.: No one died.
George Jr.: Kind of the opposite, actually. [George rolls his eyes]

View more quotes from this episode

Episode Trivia

  • What restaurant menu does George awkwardly ramble about at dinner?
    • Dairy Queen
    • Red Lobster
    • TGIF
    • Chili's
  • What food did Billy Sparks ask Missy if she liked?
    • Meatloaf
    • Fish Sticks
    • Tacos
    • Mac and Cheese

Episode Recap

In the garage, or rather, Georgie's bedroom, George is at a loss for words when his son confesses that he got a girl pregnant. All he can muster is an "Oh no." When Georgie implores his dad to say something - anything - else, George insists that his son is too young to have a baby. Georgie concedes that he is, but then reveals that his girlfriend is actually 29. Once again, the only thing George can say is "Oh no.”

After George tells Georgie that he'll have to tell his mother, Georgie suggests they take some time to think about it. George stammers that he can't keep the secret to himself. Georgie reveals that Dale kept his secret and took it well. George insists that his son tells Mary, but Georgie wants to make sure that his father will be there for support. George promises that he will be there, but Georgie asks if George could be the one to tell Mary instead.

After Georgie pulls Mary into the garage where George is waiting, Mary wonders what is going on. George suggests that she sit down first, but Mary says that it is scaring her. George tries to calm his wife's fears by saying that nobody has died. However, Georgie unhelpfully adds, "Kind of the opposite really." When Mary asks what is going on, George points to Georgie, who stammers as he reveals that he is going to have a baby. A stunned Mary realizes that she now wants to sit.

Missy is wearing headphones and singing along to music while doing her homework in her bedroom. Sheldon knocks on her door, but fails to get her attention. He leans in and grabs a plush toy from her bed, which he throws at her head. Missy wonders what he is doing. Sheldon argues that it would feel weird to walk into her room without an invitation, but Missy says that everything he does is weird. After Missy asks where their mom and dad are, Sheldon does not know. He just got home and the house is empty. Missy thanks him for the heads-up and gets up to watch R-rated movies until their parents return.

Back in the garage, Mary asks Georgie what they even know about this girl. Well, that’s the thing… Georgie says, before George warns his wife to buckle up. Georgie admits she’s 29. A stunned Mary stands up again, before wondering what kind of 29-year-old dates someone his age. “Obviously one who was lied to”, Georgie adds without really helping his case. After Mary tells Georgie he is going to have to marry this girl, Georgie surprisingly agrees with his mother. George, on the other hand, says “Hell no.”, before wondering why a 29-year-old would want to marry his son. When Georgie asks why not, his father tells him “You're an idiot. You're irresponsible. You live in a garage and use a sink as a toilet!”

As his parents continue to talk to Georgie in the garage, Sheldon knocks on the door to see if his parents are in there. Mary says they’ll be out in a bit and asks if everything’s okay. Sheldon insists he’s fine but admits Missy’s watching a movie called “Porky’s” on TV. Mary’s not familiar with it, but Georgie and his dad can vouch that it’s not a good one for her to be watching. After Sheldon walks away, Mary tells Georgie that they’re going to have to meet this girl. Georgie doesn’t see why, prompting his father to interject and bluntly reply, "Because she's having our grandbaby, you idiot."

When a stressed George wakes up in bed in the middle of the night, he realizes Mary’s not next to him. Georgie walks around the house looking for her, only to find Mary smoking a cigarette in the garden. As George goes out to see her, Mary quickly tries to hide the cigarette. George tells his wife to relax, saying she earned this one. George says it’s kind of like deja vu. “Kind of”, Mary agrees. She wants to be furious with Georgie but how can she be given the circumstances of his conception? George says the trick is to forget they ever did the same thing, then it’s easy. Mary remembers how at the time she got pregnant it seemed like their lives were over, then when Georgie came along, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to them. George jokingly wonders what kind of cigarette Mary’s smoking.

After Mary questions what they should do now, George argues that they don't have many options. Mandy is having their grandchild, so she will be a part of their lives in some capacity until they die. Mary questions George's comment about "some shape or form," arguing that Georgie needs to marry Mandy. George disagrees, but Mary wonders how she's supposed to set foot in church if her son has a child out of wedlock. George insists that it's nobody's business, but Mary argues that in a small town, everything is everyone's business. George asks if she's considered that maybe Mandy doesn't want to marry a 17-year-old. When Mary points out that Georgie will be 18 in March, George dismisses her and heads back inside. Mary insists that she's just being a Christian.

Mary walks over to the garage and knocks on the door. When a sleepy Georgie answers the door, Mary reminds him that he was a gift from God when he was born, but also tells him that she is very angry with him.

When Meemaw joins Mary in the Coopers’ kitchen for breakfast, she notices that her daughter looks exhausted. Meemaw wonders if Mary had been drinking the previous night, because when she looks that bad, it usually means she was out drinking. Mary admits that she didn't get much sleep and that there are some things going on that concern her. As Meemaw eagerly waits for details, Missy enters the kitchen. Mary and Meemaw stop their conversation to talk to Missy, who thinks they're acting strangely. After Mary tells Missy to get ready for school, she turns back to Meemaw to continue her story. As Mary begins to offer her mother an apology for the difficulties she put her through, Sheldon enters the kitchen asking where his Thursday socks are. After Mary directs Sheldon to the dryer to look for his missing socks and he leaves, Mary tells Meemaw that she's been thinking about how hard it must have been for Meemaw when she was pregnant with Georgie. Meemaw instantly realizes that Georgie got a girl pregnant.

When Missy goes to see Sheldon putting his socks on, she says that something weird is going on. Sheldon wonders if she’s talking about his socks, which he found in the dryer clinging to their dad’s boxer shorts. Missy explains that when she went into the kitchen, her mom and Meemaw got real quiet. Sheldon didn't notice anything weird when he was just there. Missy reminds Sheldon about last night, when their parents were talking in the garage with the door shut. Missy insists that something bad is going on. Sheldon doesn’t agree, suggesting their parents might be throwing a surprise birthday party for them. Missy says their birthday is not for months, but Sheldon points out they might need some lead time. After all, you can’t expect Stephen Hawking to "roll up" on short notice. When George comes in to tell them to get a move on so he can drive them to school, Missy says he doesn’t look that good. Sheldon recalls his father has had heart trouble and has been under a lot of stress. Missy adds that he is pretty chunky. Sheldon wonders if they sell a defibrillator at RadioShack. Missy rolls her eyes and leaves.

Back in the kitchen, Meemaw tells Mary she told Georgie to come clean and be honest from the start. When he walks into the kitchen, Meemaw admits she knows everything. “Dang it”, Georgie says, wondering why his mother had to tell Meemaw. As Mary points out Meemaw is her mother, George walks in with Sheldon and Missy and says he’s taking them to school. As Sheldon and Missy head for the door, Mary and Meemaw fall silent and smile innocently at them. Sheldon tells Missy he sees what she means now.

As George drives Sheldon and Missy to school, he notices his kids staring at him. When he asks what’s going on, Missy says “nothing”. A moment later, Missy tells her father she loves him. “Okay”, a confused George responds. Sheldon clarifies that Missy was speaking for both of them. “Okay”, George says once more.

When Mandy opens her apartment door, she is not pleased to see Meemaw. Meemaw insists she is not there to fight or pass judgement, she just wants to talk about how they will proceed with "all this". Mandy says there is nothing to talk about as "all this" is her business. Meemaw thought it would be nice if Mandy met Georgie's parents, but Mandy points out she hasn't even told her own parents yet. Meemaw tells Mandy that she went through this with Mary, George's mother, so she understands. Meemaw insists they just want to be helpful. After Mandy admits she is not very happy with Georgie right now, Meemaw says no one is. "We get it.”

Back at home, Mary calls Brenda Sparks to thank her for letting the kids come over. She explains to Brenda that there's some family business to discuss and it would be better if the kids weren't present. Mary thanks Brenda for her help, hangs up, and turns around, only to see her daughter Missy standing behind her, asking where they're going. Mary is startled and tells her not to sneak up on people. Missy insists she wasn't sneaking and asks again where they're going. Mary explains that they're going to have dinner with Brenda and Billy Sparks because they're nice people! Missy is surprised by her mother's sudden anger and tells her to "take a pill.”

As the family sits around in the living room, George complains about having to wear a tie. Mary insists that she wants to make a good impression on Mandy, but George points out that she has already met "this bozo." Georgie defends himself, saying that he did not do this alone - it takes two to tango. Meemaw wonders if he even knows what a tango is. "It's sex, isn't it?" After Mary suggests going next door to get Pastor Jeff so they can "bring God into the conversation," Meemaw points out that God let Mandy get pregnant and says that He has done enough.

Around the dinner table, the Coopers awkwardly pepper Mandy with questions. George asks what she does, and after Mandy explains that she's just waiting tables right now, George starts to ramble about the TGIF menu. Meemaw asks Mandy where her family is from, and after Mandy says they're from Oklahoma, Meemaw jokes that they won't hold it against her. After Mandy tells George her surname is McAllister, he asks if they're Scottish. Mary wonders if Mandy is Catholic, but Mandy says she's not really anything. Mary wants to ensure that they'll be raising the baby with a religious upbringing, but Mandy hadn't thought about it. Mary says they can help her with things, starting with saying Grace. She leads the grace: "Heavenly Father, bless this food and the hands that prepared it. And thank you for bringing Mandy into our family. Watch over this child as he or she grows and becomes a God-fearing Baptist. Amen.”

Over at the Sparks' house, Billy asks Missy if she likes meatloaf. Missy replies "yeah" and asks if that's what they're having. Billy explains he was just making dinner conversation and when Brenda joins in, she tells them they're having spaghetti. Sheldon wonders if they're having it with little pieces of hot dog cut up in it, but Brenda says no. Sheldon then tells Missy he wants to go home now, but Missy says they can't. Billy wonders why, and Brenda pipes up to ask the kids why not. Missy doesn't know. Sheldon suggests the leading theory is their dad's dying, but Brenda doesn't think that's it. Billy then suggests that their parents might be getting divorced like his, but Brenda shuts down the conversation, telling Billy they don't talk about that.

At the Coopers' dinner table, Mary tells Mandy that Meemaw said she hadn't informed her parents yet about the pregnancy. Mary suggests that her parents will be happy to hear she's bringing a new life into the world, but Mandy questions whether Meemaw felt the same way when she was in that position - about the baby, yes, but not the guy who caused it. Mary suggests that surprising her parents with good news first might help, since everyone loves a wedding. George wants Mary to drop the topic, but she insists that it needs to be discussed. Mandy disagrees, stating that she's giving birth to a baby and doesn't need to marry one as well. As Mary continues to press her case, George argues that they've already made one mistake and don't need to make another. Mary takes offense at the suggestion that their marriage was a mistake. When Mary presses him further, George clarifies that he's not talking about them, but rather about Mandy's situation. When Mary insists their “giant mistake” gave them their children she loves very much, Meemaw wonders what she thinks about her husband. Mary insists that she loves George “just fine”. George jokingly suggests that she put that on a Hallmark card. Mary asks what George wants her to say, and he responds that he wants her to acknowledge that their marriage hasn't been perfect. Mary replies that no marriage is perfect, to which George quips, "Well, then I guess we nailed it!".

Back at the Sparks' house, Missy thinks it makes perfect sense that their parents are getting divorced. Sheldon says that if they do, he'll stay with Mom, and Missy is fine with that and will go with Dad. Sheldon points out that if he does die, Missy will get the house to herself. After Billy suggests that they come live with them, Brenda says that nobody is dying and nobody is getting divorced. Billy adds, "except his parents." Brenda tells him to get back to his food. When Missy wonders if her dad has found another woman, Brenda almost chokes and tells Missy to eat her dinner, as well. Billy continues offering information about his parents' lives, including the woman his dad is seeing.

After dinner, Georgie walks Mandy to the door and thanks her for coming. Mandy responds unconvincingly that it was great. When Georgie leans in for a kiss, Mandy declines, saying he's given her enough. Before leaving, Meemaw comes over to talk to Mandy, and they both walk out onto the porch. Meemaw apologizes for all the yelling, explaining that they're not usually like that in front of strangers, so it's like Mandy's already family. Meemaw asks when she plans to tell her folks, and Mandy jokes that she'll tell them when her mom tells her to lay off the pie. Meemaw offers to help if Mandy needs anything, saying she's been through this with her daughter and knows how to do it badly. Mandy chuckles and gives Meemaw an appreciative hug.

While Mandy is waiting tables at the restaurant, Georgie tells her that he meant what he said the other night about being there for her. Mandy responds by telling him that now is not the time. Undeterred, Georgie insists that he is serious and offers to go to baby classes with her, help her when she experiences morning sickness, and care for her when her feet swell up. As Mandy is picking up food from a table, Georgie offers to do it for her, concerned about her condition. However, Mandy insists that she is fine. Georgie tells her that he will stop bothering her, but before he leaves, he confesses his love for her. Mandy is taken aback and asks him to clarify. Georgie explains that she doesn't have to say it back, but Mandy makes it clear that she wasn't going to say it anyway.

Missy goes to see Sheldon as he works on his computer to tell him she has new information. Sheldon asks what it is. Missy explains she overheard them talking about a baby. "You know what that means?" she asks. Sheldon responds, "Mom's pregnant." "Exactly," Missy replies.

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