Mary: So that little Hanson girl, that was horrible, huh?
Peg: Yeah. Reminds you that life is precious. [Takes a drag on her cigarette, coughing loudly] You're up, slugger. [continues coughing]

Sheldon: So if God's plan is to save all of the universe, that means a race of octopus aliens light-years away could only be saved by Jesus?
Pastor Jeff: Sure.
Sheldon: Even though they never would've heard of him?
Pastor Jeff: Yes.
Sheldon: Even though his appearance might be terrifying to them?
Pastor Jeff: Why would his appearance be terrifying?
Sheldon: He has four limbs and they have eight.

Pastor Jeff: Sheldon, if these creatures were born without sin, they don't need to be saved by Jesus.
Sheldon: What if an octopus Adam and Eve brought sin to their world? Would they be saved by a human Jesus or an octopus Jesus?

Sheldon: Meemaw, could you take me to Radio Shack?
Meemaw: Sure, maybe later.
Sheldon: Later's a little vague. Could you please be more specific?
Meemaw: When I'm good and ready. How's that?
Sheldon: Better, but I'd really like to nail this down.

Meemaw: Why don't you ask your father to take you?
Sheldon: Dad?
George: What?
Sheldon: Can you please take me to Radio Shack?
George: I'm busy. Ask your meemaw.
Sheldon: I did. She said to ask you.
George: Well, ask her again.
Sheldon: Seems counterintuitive, but all right.

Pastor Jeff: Oh, and tell Sheldon I spoke to my seminary professor, and the official ruling is: God would appear to the octopus aliens in octopus alien form and save their eight-legged souls.
Praise Jesus!

Mary: Hold on, hold on. Thank you, God, for this food we are about to receive and for the nourishment of our bodies, and bless the hands that prepared it. Amen.
Missy: We're doing this at breakfast now?
Mary: Yes, I think it's a nice idea.
George: She's eating Count Chocula. Doesn't he play for the other side?
Mary: I'm so glad God blessed you with a sense of humor, George.

Mary: Sorry, sweetheart, I can't today. I have to bring this food over to the Hanson family. Then I have my new prayer group. And after that, I'm gonna get started on a faith garden in the backyard.
George: A faith garden? What the hell is that?
Mary: Language. It's an outdoorsy place for me to speak to God.
Missy: Don't you already speak to him indoorsy?
Mary: Yes, but in the backyard, I can enjoy the beautiful world he gave us.
Sheldon: You can also smell the Sparks' chicken coop.

Adult Sheldon: If my mother's faith was the Starship Enterprise, over the next week, she achieved warp factor 9.

Georgie: So when you gonna take me to get my learner's permit?
George: Georgie, you've heard us talking to Sheldon about asking questions at inappropriate times, right?
Georgie: Yeah, so?
George: So, given what's happened this week, do you think it's an appropriate time to be talking about driving?
Georgie: Why? 'Cause that girl died?
George: Yes, that.
Georgie: For your information, I'd be an excellent driver.
George: I wouldn't trust you to push a shopping cart.

Mary: The bartender asked to see my I.D.
Meemaw: Honey, he does that to get tips. He asked me for mine, too.
Mary: Well, I like to think we're both young attractive ladies.
Meemaw: To that old fart? Yeah.

George: Good night. Sweet dreams.
Missy: Mom gives us kisses.
George: Fine.
Missy: Mm, your beard is scratchy.
George: Too bad. Sheldon?
Sheldon: I respectfully pass.

Missy: Now you're cooking breakfast for us?
George: Your mom's not feeling well.
Sheldon: [covering his mouth] Is she contagious?
George: No. Just tired.
Sheldon: Did you check her for ticks?
George: Soon as she wakes up.
Sheldon: You can check her while she's asleep.
George: Sit down!

Mary: Thank you, Lord, for this little boy.
Sheldon: I knew I could fix it.
Mary: [LAUGHS] Maybe it was you and the Lord.
Adult Sheldon: I don't like sharing credit, but I knew in that moment it wasn't the appropriate time to say it.

Pastor Jeff:And Jacob said: "For I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved."
Sheldon: Is this an appropriate time to mention that John 1:18 says, "No man hath seen God at any time." Who's right? Jacob or John?
Mary: Let's talk about it in the car.
[Meemaw raises her hand]
Pastor Jeff: Yes, Connie?
Meemaw: My grandson has a question. Let 'er rip, kid.