Mary: [answers phone] Hello?
President Hagemeyer: Mrs. Cooper, it's Linda Hagemeyer.
Mary: Is everything okay?
President Hagemeyer: Well, I was hoping that you could tell me. [chuckles] Uh, Sheldon was in my office earlier and was pretty upset about the situation at home.
Mary: What did he tell you?
President Hagemeyer: Nothing much, really, just that his parents are fighting all the time, his older brother got a girl pregnant and his sister punched a little boy in Sunday school.
Mary: Oh. Well... [sighs] ...it's been a busy couple of days. Just, you know, life... One thing after another.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, ain't that the truth. Anyway, I'm sure that you know this university has invested quite a bit in Sheldon's progress, and, uh, well, not to be critical, but... he didn't come to you complaining about me.
Mary: What are you saying? Are you saying that I'm not doing a good job as his mother? Because I am doing the best that I can to hold this family together, and I am tired of everyone blaming me. [Missy is listening in the hallway] I have half a mind to get in my car and drive until I run out of road and then start my life over again with a different name.
President Hagemeyer: Okay. Sure. So, uh... sounds like you've got a handle on this. So good to talk to you. Um, have a lovely evening.
Mary: You too! [hangs up] [cries] [Missy hugs Mary] Oh... [sniffles]

Mandy: Payment method. Don't see an option for "bad check."
Meemaw: You don't have health insurance?
Mandy: I don't even have car insurance.
Meemaw: How do you drive without car insurance?
Mandy: Slowly.

Danny: I'll say it to your face. Your brother's going to hell.
Missy: No, he's not.
Sheldon: Primarily because hell isn't real.
Danny: My mom said they should kick your whole family out of the church.
Missy: How about I kick your ass.
Danny: I'd like to see you try.
Billy Sparks: How about I help her?
Sheldon: How about I go get Pastor Rob?
Missy: Say one more thing about my family and see what happens.
Danny: Y'all are white trash.
Pastor Rob: [enters] Whoa, what's going on here?
[Missy slugs Danny]

Pastor Jeff: Pastor Rob should be here any minute.
George: Maybe if he was in the classroom when he was supposed to be, none of this would've happened.
Mary: You can't blame him for Missy punching someone.
George: If he was there to shut that kid up, Missy wouldn't have had to.
Pastor Jeff: Sunday school is no place for violence. The boy's parents are very upset.
George: Yeah, well so am I.

Missy: Movies lie. Punching people hurts.
Sheldon: Try being the punchee.

George: Hey, don't you move. What are you watching?
Missy: MTV.
George: Watch MTV.
Mary: George.
George: I'm not punishing her for doing the right thing.
Mary: Violence is never the right thing.
George: I'm sorry, are we in California?
Mary: Ugh!
[As Mary leaves, George turns to look at the music video playing on the TV]
George: Turn that off.

Mary: Oh! [coughs] Uh, Pastor Rob.
Pastor Rob: [short chuckle] You okay?
Mary: Um... swallowed a Tic Tac. [coughs]
Pastor Rob: Well, I can barely smell the smoke at all.

Mandy: Okay... marital status. Single.
Meemaw: [to a couple] Mind your own business.
Mandy: Name of father. I can't write "Georgie," it sounds like he's 11.
Meemaw: George Marshall Cooper.
Mandy: Marshall? I didn't know that.
Meemaw: Isn't it nice he can still surprise you? [chuckles]

Georgie: I knew it.
Meemaw: What are you doing here?
Georgie: What are you doing here?
Mandy: I asked her to be here.
Georgie: So, her and not me?
Mandy: Yeah.
Meemaw: [to a couple] Don't make me come over there.

Meemaw: How did you follow me?
Georgie: Wasn't hard. You can see that yellow Toyota from outer space.
Meemaw: It is a Mazda.
Georgie: This is my baby, too. I think I should be a part of this.
Meemaw: You did your part, now git.

Georgie: Mandy, please. I want to help.
Mandy: He can stay.
Georgie: Thanks. What can I do?
Mandy: Nothing.
Georgie: I can do that.

Mary: I just can't believe the church turned its back on us.
Pastor Rob: The church may have, but God didn't.
Mary: [sighs] I don't feel His presence right now.
Pastor Rob: Well, let's invite Him to join us.
Mary: Oh, ok-okay. [they hold hands]
Pastor Rob: Heavenly Father, we ask for Your guidance in these troubled times. Please, watch over Mary Cooper and her family, let her know that though this unborn child is out of wedlock, he or she is a miracle in Your creation and should be celebrated as such. Amen.
Mary: Amen.
Missy: [through the window] What's going on here?
Mary: Uh, uh, praying, we're praying. [lets go of Rob's hands]
Pastor Rob: Just praying.

Mary: Why aren't you in school?
Missy: You told me not to punch anyone else, so I left.
Mary: Well... go to your room.

Principal Petersen: I know I'm opening myself up for cheap shots, but I'm thinking about getting a rug.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, they're called hair systems now. My brother just got one. He went from bald to Rick James like that.
Principal Petersen: I'm just trying to get back out there with the ladies. Wouldn't hurt having something up here, you know, for them to hold on to.
Coach Wilkins: Good for you. Although the right gal wouldn't care.
Principal Petersen: Says the man who doesn't have to put sunblock on his head. [both laugh]

Mary: Oh, Pastor Rob dropped by.
George: Why?
Mary: Just seeing how we were doing.
George: You mean to see how you were doing.
Mary: [sighs] What's that supposed to mean?
George: Come on, Mary, you... you're not fooling anybody.
Mary: We were just praying.
[Missy is listening to the conversation from the hallway]
George: Is that what we're calling it?
Mary: Yes, because that's what it was.
George: All right. I've had enough of this.
Mary: Where are you going? I'm making dinner. [phone ringing]
George: Yeah, well, maybe Pastor Rob'll eat it. [exits]
Mary: George!