Sheldon: [coughs] I don't feel well.
Mary: What's wrong, baby?
Sheldon: I don't know. I just feel awful.
Mary: Well, there is something going around. Billy Sparks got some kind of bug.
Sheldon: That is consistent with what I said. Good. [weak cough]
Mary: You're staying home today. I'll go make you some tea.

George: Doesn't this all seem a little convenient?
Mary: You think he's faking it?
George: Today's the swim test. It's pretty suspicious.
Missy: Sheldon just coughed up something gross in a tissue.
Mary: See? And that's why he's staying home.
George: Mary, come on.
Mary: No, I am not changing my mind. My little boy is not a liar.

Adult Sheldon: I had lied to my mother and gotten away with it. The guilt was more than I could take. I had to make this right. I could confess and break my mother's heart, or I could turn my lie into the truth and actually get myself sick.

George: Ooh, is that for your patient?
Mary: Yes. He's still under the weather.
George: Oh, that's too bad. Running a fever?
Mary: No.
George: Sniffly nose?
Mary: No. But he couldn't even bring himself to watch his Star Trek show.
George: Oh, dear. I better go call an ambulance.
Mary: You're not funny.
George: And he ain't sick.

Batman: Young man. Yes, you. Pretending to be sick. You should be ashamed of yourself!
Sheldon: But I was afraid to go in the pool.
Batman: You are in a pool. A pool of your own deceit. If my mother were alive, I'd never lie to her. And I'd always eat her soup.

Dale: What's going on? You okay?
Meemaw: Actually, no. I don't like the way you've been talkin' about John.
Dale: I was kidding around.
Meemaw: Well, it bothered me.
Dale: Wait a minute, hold it, hold, hold, hold. Your weirdo ex comes sneaking around, checking me out, and all of a sudden, I'm the bad guy here?
Meemaw: You don't get to call him a weirdo.
Dale: You don't think he's a weirdo?
Meemaw: Of course he's a weirdo. You just can't say it.

Dale: Oh, I didn't think it was that big a deal.
Meemaw: Well, it is. He and I are friends, and if you don't stop makin' fun of him, you and I are gonna have a problem.
Dale: Are you saying that I'm being naughty, and you're threatening to punish me? 'Cause I might like that. Uh-huh. See, you're tryin' to be mad at me and you can't.
Meemaw: Now you are getting punished.
Dale: Check, please!

Sheldon: Mom.
Mary: Oh, baby. What are you doing out of bed?
Sheldon: I don't need to be in bed. I'm not sick.
Mary: What?
Sheldon: I lied to you so that I wouldn't have to take the swim test.
Mary: You lied?
Sheldon: I feel terrible about it.
Mary: Well, you should feel terrible. I trusted you.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. It's just that I was so afraid to get in that pool, so I let Georgie and Missy teach me how to fake it. They said it was easy, but it's wasn't. It really wasn't.
Mary: Georgie and Missy taught you how to do this?
Sheldon: I cannot tell a lie they sure did!

Missy: [to Sheldon] Welcome to the dark side.