Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello. Yes, you can help me, Dorothy Fitzpatrick. I'm interested in taking out a second mortgage. I'm nine years old. Why do you ask? That's called age discrimination, Dorothy, but I'm willing to let it slide. I'm glad you find me cute, but I'm deadly serious. I need funds to buy a computer. No, the house isn't in my name. I'm nine. We've established this. I do prepare the taxes for my parents, and if we tighten our belts, we'll have sufficient equity for the loan.

Mary: Sheldon, who are you talking to?
Sheldon: Dorothy Fitzpatrick.
Mary: Who's Dorothy Fitzpatrick? Is she a new buddy from school?
Sheldon: She's the loan officer at The First National Bank of Medford.
Mary: Why are you talking to her?
Sheldon: Mom, can this wait? I'm trying to negotiate favorable terms. Hello, Dorothy? [Mary hangs up]

Tam: Hey, how come you weren't in math class?
Sheldon: That guy from NASA treated me like a child, and I need to prove him wrong.
Tam: You are a child.
Sheldon: Tread lightly, my friend.

Sheldon: Do you know anybody with a modem? I think Radio Shack has one.
Tam: Why?
Sheldon: I need to access thrust-to-weight ratios from the FTP server at the Johnson Space Center.
Tam: Then what?
Sheldon: Then I show that guy from NASA my work and laugh as he begs for mercy.

Mary: What's the matter, baby? Have a tummy ache?
Sheldon: I think it's an ulcer.
George Sr.: Don't be silly. You must have eaten something.
Sheldon: No. My symptoms are consistent with an ulcer.

Mary: Maybe we should take him to the doctor.
Sheldon: Listen to your wife, ulcers are serious.

Dr. Eberland: Well, I've never seen this in someone so young, but, uh, your son has an ulcer.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Sheldon: I've heard some interesting research about treating ulcers with antimicrobials.

Mary: Sheldon! What are you doing?
Sheldon: I just need a minute. These things are so slow. [to Dr. Eberland] Is this your family? They're lovely.

Sheldon: And here near apogee, we gimbal the engine to exert a torque that executes a pitchover maneuver to flip the rocket by 180 degrees.
Dr. Hodges: Well, that's very impressive. Thank you very much for taking the time-
Sheldon: I'm not done.
Dr. Hodges: Uh, sorry.

Dr. Hodges: Anything else?
Sheldon: Yes. I'd like a glass of water. It's time to take my Zantac.

Dr. Hodges: This is groundbreaking work. Thank you.
Sheldon: And?
Dr. Hodges: And?
Sheldon: I thought you might want to apologize.
Dr. Hodges: Well why?
Sheldon: You tried to shut me up with a patch.
Dr. Hodges: Well, I-I give those to everyone. A-And you have to understand, Sheldon, that while your math is-is theoretically correct, we don't have the technical capability to execute it.
Sheldon: So I'm ahead of my time?
Dr. Hodges: Well it would appear so.
Sheldon: All right, call me when you catch up.

Sheldon: When the Aggies give up the ball on their own five-yard line, the opposing team has a 92% chance of scoring. When they punt from deep in their own territory, the other team still has a 77% chance of scoring. But since they convert on fourth down 50% of the time, the math says they should never punt again.

George Sr.: Sheldon, I've been playing and coaching football all my life. I don't think your math is right.
Sheldon: Really? Hang on. [thinks for a second] No, it's right.

Sheldon: How come Mom's not taking me to school?
George Sr.: 'Cause once in a while, your dad wants to spend some time with you. My little Shel-man.
Sheldon: But Mom's car has a backseat. Statistically, I'm much safer there.

George Sr.: Hey, I'm glad you brought up statistically. You think those numbers you talked about for Texas A&M would apply to my JV squad?
Sheldon: I don't see why not. Unlike our former principal, math doesn't discriminate.

George Sr.: I got something for you.
Sheldon: It's dirty.
George Sr.: Well, that's 'cause it's the game ball. And you earned it, 'cause you helped us win.
Sheldon: Okay, but can you wash it?
Mary: Sheldon, your daddy's telling you he's proud of you.
Sheldon: I see. Thank you, Dad.
George Sr.: You're welcome.
Sheldon: I'm still never touching that.
Mary: Let's go wipe it off.

Sheldon: Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Tam: You're not?
Sheldon: I was touched 82 times this afternoon.
Tam: What do you mean, "touched"?
Sheldon: Not inappropriately. Joyfully. Affectionately. A cheerleader hugged me to her bosom.
Tam: That's amazing. [goes to high five Sheldon]
Sheldon: No more high fives. I can't keep washing my hands.

George Sr.: You have any more, uh, arithmetic ideas for next week's game?
Sheldon: I do, but I'm trying to finish my homework.
George Sr.: Ah. Looks complicated.
Sheldon: Advanced chemistry. It's not.

George Sr.: I got you a present. Thought it might help with your figures.
Sheldon: I don't need a calculator, Dad. I am one.