Mary: And what's going on with you?
Mandy: Oh, high blood pressure. Doctor wants me on bed rest.
Mary: Probably worried about preeclampsia.
Mandy: Did everyone read this book?

Gary: [on phone] [old woman's voice] Hello, Mr. O'Brien's office.
Dr. John Sturgis: Is Mr. O'Brien there? It's John Sturgis and Sheldon Cooper.
Gary: [normal voice] Oh, it's me. I was just making sure you weren't the IRS.

Gary: [on phone] Well, there's nothing wrong with a little competition. I mean, you think I was the only person designing anti-static lab furniture?
Sheldon: You weren't?
Gary: No. I researched the competition, outbid their manufacturers and tied them up in court so long they ran out of money.
Dr. John Sturgis: That seems a little ruthless.
Gary: Hey, if you're not ruthless, you're toothless.
Sheldon: I like that.
Gary: [chuckles] I know. It rhymes.

Dr. John Sturgis: We want to offer you a job.
Sheldon: And for you to wash your hands.
Toby: I already have a job.
Dr. John Sturgis: We know. We want you to do the same thing, but for more money.
Toby: Okay.
Sheldon: Really, that's all it took? Where's the loyalty?
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, this is what we want.
Sheldon: I know, but what if somebody comes along and offers him more money? Is he just gonna leave us?
Dr. John Sturgis: Are you?
Toby: Probably.
Sheldon: We can hire him, but he cannot go to the bathroom alone.
Dr. John Sturgis: [offers hand] Welcome aboard.
Sheldon: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's hit that sink.

Dr. Linkletter: Ah! I knew it. You poached my programmer.
Dr. John Sturgis: You poached his idea.
Dr. Linkletter: Toby, what happened to loyalty?
Sheldon: It's annoying, isn't it?
Dr. Linkletter: There's an old saying: "You mess with the bull, you get the horns".
Sheldon: Well, there's a new saying: "We have a programmer and you don't".
Dr. John Sturgis: [giggles] Yeah.

Mary: Hey. I brought you a snack and some magazines.
Mandy: Oh, thanks, but I should probably finish this. Although I do know how it ends. With bodily fluids. Everywhere.
Mary: And then a sweet little boy or girl.
Mandy: Oh, um, it's a girl.
Mary: [gasps] Really?
Mandy: Yeah, Georgie didn't want to know so I haven't said.
Mary: Well, that is wonderful! Oh, it'll be our little secret.
Meemaw: [o.s.] I already know! Don't go feeling like you're special.
Mary: Do you mind? We're having a moment here.
Meemaw: Carry on.

Mary: [sighs] As you can see, the mother-daughter bond is strong.
Mandy: Well, compared to me and my mom, you two are magic.
Mary: Well, we've had our ups and downs. [quietly] She wasn't the easiest mom to grow up with. Sometimes I felt like I was kind of raising myself. But now we're practically best friends.
Mandy: Yeah, I don't think that's in the cards for me and my mom.
Meemaw: [o.s.] I hear you whispering in there. Don't listen to her, Mandy.
Mary: Dear Lord, I was just telling her how you and I are best friends!
Meemaw: That's how you talk to your best friend?

Missy: Are you happy?
George: He is way too old for you.
Missy: Have you seen you and Mom?
George: Hey, your mother and I were high school sweethearts.
Missy: Yeah, she was in high school. You were, like, 25.
George: People looked older back then.

Mary: I'm Mary Cooper. Georgie's mom.
Audrey: Oh. Hello.
Mary: I don't know what's going on between you and your daughter, but you need to get over it. She is scared, she is pregnant, and she needs her mother.
Audrey: I'm getting parenting advice from a woman whose 17-year-old son got my daughter pregnant?
Mary: Yes, you are. Georgie made a mistake, but I did not cut him out of my life.
Audrey: You don't know...
Mary: I don't care. You are her parent. Act like it. So, grow up, call your daughter and make it right. Now!
Audrey: Well, I need...
Mary: I said now.
Audrey: I was gonna say I need the phone number.
Mary: Okay. Do you have a pen?

Sheldon: President Hagemeyer, have you come to meet my new roommate, VAX 6000?
President Hagemeyer: Sheldon, you can't have a mainframe in your dorm.
Sheldon: Actually, there's no rule against it. I can't have a candle, a microwave, a hot plate, a coffee maker, a toaster or a waterbed. But there's nothing against a mainframe.
President Hagemeyer: Well, I'm the president of the university and I'm telling you you can't.
Dr. John Sturgis: You're just trying to sabotage our project because you know we're gonna beat you to market. Sheldon, plug it in.
[When Sheldon plugs it in, the mainframe units light up and the hard drives whirr. A moment later, Sheldon's dorm room, the building, and then the whole university are plunged into darkness]
Sheldon: [o.s.] There really should be a rule against this.

Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, I had a question about today's lecture. I'm sorry, who are you?
Toby: You must be Sheldon.
Sheldon: I am.
Toby: I was told not to talk to you.
Sheldon: Why not?
Toby: I was told not to tell you that.
Dr. Linkletter: [enters] Ah, I see you've met Toby.
Sheldon: I have not. He wouldn't tell me his name.
Dr. Linkletter: Good man.

Sheldon: What's all this? It looks like algorithms for a searchable database.
Dr. Linkletter: At a glance, anything can look like an algorithm for a searchable database. [off Sheldon's stern look] Very well, it's an algorithm for a searchable database.
Sheldon: That was my idea.
Dr. Linkletter: If you'll recall, it was our idea.
Sheldon: Are you programming a database for him? [Toby looks to Dr. Linkletter]
Dr. Linkletter: Go ahead.
Toby: Yeah.
Dr. Linkletter: Yeah.

Missy: I call dibs on video store.
George: Aw. I wanted video store.
Missy: Too bad. I called dibs.
Georgie: Great, you got the Laundromat.
George: But I don't want the Laundromat.
Georgie: Well, dibs are dibs. She called it.
Missy: He's a good boss.
Georgie: That's right.

Missy: If you're looking for something to watch, I'd recommend Princess Bride.
Charlie: Really?
Missy: I know it sounds a little girly, but there's an awesome sword fight and André the Giant's in it.
Charlie: Cool. Thanks.
Missy: Just doing my job. I'm Melissa, by the way.

George: So, you know, me and Brenda are just friends. She's been going through a rough patch and just needed someone to talk to.
Missy: Okay.
George: Good.
Missy: Why'd you say it was about chickens?
George: Because it's Brenda's personal business, and- And just trying to be a good neighbor. And she didn't want Billy to worry, so we used the chicken coop. Which all makes sense, right?
Missy: I guess.
George: Good. I'm glad we can talk about these things.
Missy: Me too. Someday we'll talk about Mom and Pastor Rob.