Doreen: Hey. Look what your machine did to my underwear.
Georgie: Made 'em huge?
Doreen: It dyed 'em pink.
Georgie: Oh, right. Here. Next wash is on us. I got to go check on something in the back.

Georgie: Sorry, I'm a little short-staffed today. I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. All right. There's your teddy bear. Here's your cash. Teddy bear. Cash. Teddy bear. Hey, this is a dry cleaning ticket. Get out of here. Punk.

Meemaw: How you doing?
Mandy: Uh, well, I'm lying in bed and a nice lady just brought me food. It's not the worst.
Meemaw: Well, you haven't tasted it yet. Doctor said no salt.
Mandy: Oh, I'm sure it's great.
Meemaw: I tasted it. It sucks.

Dr. John Sturgis: [on the phone] But the university's already ahead of us.
Gary: Yeah, but do they have a really cool company name?
Sheldon: Yes, they're calling it Granted.
Gary: Damn, it was right there.

George: Need any help over here?
Barbara: Are you trying to touch my underwear?
George: No, ma'am.
Barbara: Well, then step away.
George: Yes, ma'am.

George: Everything working okay for you?
Eileen: I heard about you. You're that panty sniffer.
George: No. No, no, no, there was no sniffing.
Eileen: Barbara, he doing it again.
George: No. No. Uh, I... Oh, I give up.

Charlie: [to Missy] So, you doing anything later?
George: Yeah, she's going home with her father.
Missy: Dad.
Charlie: I-I'm sorry, sir, I didn't know.
George: Yeah, did you know that she's in the seventh grade?
Missy: Dad!
Charlie: I thought she was older.
George: Well, now you know. Beat it.

Sheldon: Hello?
Carlos: Yeah, I'm here to install some bunk beds.
Sheldon: But I don't need bunk beds. I'm just one person.
Carlos: All I know is they're turning this room into a triple.
Sheldon: Triple?

Sheldon: [on the phone] This is getting serious. They're playing hardball. And hardball is just one more type of ball I'm bad at.
Gary: Okay, just calm down. I'm sure I can find us a used mainframe.
Sheldon: Where? How? From whom?
Gary: I don't know, but Jupiter just entered Sagittarius, so I have a good feeling.
Sheldon: You're not filling me with confidence, Gary.
Gary: Ah, teenagers. Always so angsty. I love it.

Mandy: [on the phone] Hey, Mom, it's me. No, nothing's wrong. I was just calling to talk. No, I am not calling to apologize. [Mary eavesdrops from the hallway] No, I don't need any money. No, I don't need anything from you. You know what? This was a mistake. Yeah, goodbye.

Missy: Hi. Welcome to Video Village. I'm Missy, I'm in seventh grade, and that's my father.
Carl: Uh, hi. I'm Carl, I'm 31, and my dad is dead.
George: Yeah, I'm sorry about her. And your dad. What are you doing?
Missy: Saving you the trouble of embarrassing me.

George: Look, it's not easy seeing you talk to guys. Especially older guys.
Missy: You want to know what's not easy? Hearing from Billy Sparks about you and his mother hanging out in their chicken coop.
George: What?
Missy: He said he saw y'all leaving there the other day.
George: [snorts] We were talking chickens.
Missy: And he said it wasn't the first time.
George: They got a lot of chickens. [Missy sighs]

Delivery Man: I have a delivery for Sheldon Cooper.
Sheldon: That's me. What is it?
Delivery Man: A computer mainframe.
Sheldon: He got one.
Delivery Man: I just need to tell the guys where to put it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I suppose it could go in here.
Sheldon: Or I think I have a solution to my roommate problem. I can't have roommates if my dorm has no room for those mates.
[cut to Sheldon smiling as large computer units are wheeled into his dorm:]
Sheldon: Right this way.