Meemaw: Oh, my God.
Mary: We don't say that, but... yeah.
Meemaw: This is gonna take forever.
Mary: How many hours is your community service?
Meemaw: Hundred eighty.
Mary: Than you better get cracking. Maybe I'll get my nails done.

Pastor Jeff: And now George's loving wife Mary would like to say a few words. Mary.
Mary: Thank you, Pastor Jeff. Um... [clears throat] I met George in high school. Well, I was in high school. He was an older man with a motorcycle. [light laughter] I'd like to tell you he caught my eye, but actually it was the motorcycle. [laughter] [voice breaking] I'm sorry, I can't... do this. I am... so angry. [sighs] George and I had our ups and downs, but we were finally in such a good place, and then he... left. [crying] He left all of us. I- How could you do that? [Meemaw stands up] I am so mad at him. I'm mad at God, I'm mad at myself for not trying harder while he was here. [Meemaw goes up to Mary] This wasn't supposed to happen. [Mary sobs] [Meemaw hugs Mary] [Georgie hugs a crying Missy]

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Meemaw: [knocks] Hi, I'm Connie Tucker. I'm supposed to be reporting to my probation officer?
Officer Rhonda Thomason: You found her. Come on in.
[Meemaw moves slowly into the room with the aid of a crutch.]
Meemaw: Sorry I'm a little late. Not moving very fast today. Oof.
Officer Rhonda Thomason: Weren't you arrested running from the police?
Meemaw: Well, I have my good days.

Missy: Are we done?
Mary: What's your hurry?
Missy: It's paternity test day on Ricki Lake and I'm missing it.
Sheldon: If people paid more attention of what belongs where, there'd be no need for paternity tests.

Sheldon: That doesn't go there.
Missy: Doesn't matter.
Sheldon: Canned beans next to jarred preserves?
Missy: Who cares?
Sheldon: I care.
Missy: Well, no one cares that you care.
Sheldon: I'm someone. And I care that I care. And I care that I care that I care.