George Sr.: Are you saying I'm losing my job?
Principal Petersen: No. No, no, I'm saying you just got some fires to put out.
George Sr.: Well, what am I supposed to do?
Principal Petersen: Talk to the boosters. Tell 'em something encouraging.
George Sr.: Yeah. Got it.
Principal Petersen: And say it like your job depends on it. Not that it does. But it does.

Sheldon: You wanted to see me?
Principal Petersen: When don't I want to see you, Sheldon? Come in. I have something I'd like to give you. This is a key to the faculty restroom. No students allowed. One person at a time. And unlike the other restrooms, this one gets cleaned every night.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Principal Petersen: No, Sheldon. Thank you.
Sheldon: You're welcome.

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Principal Petersen: A student like Sheldon comes along... once in a lifetime. This school is not gonna be the same without him. But I know he's gonna do great things. And I'm honored to have been a small part of it.

George Sr.: Hey, Tom, you got a minute?
Principal Petersen: Pretty busy. Make it quick.
George Sr.: It turns out I don't need that raise.
Principal Petersen: What happened, you win the lottery?
George Sr.: No, no.
Principal Petersen: Aw, George, I am so sorry.
George Sr.: Well, what can you do?
Principal Petersen: Listen, I cleared your raise already, why don't you just keep the money.
George Sr.: Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
Principal Petersen: No. No, I mean it. It's yours.

Mary: What is going on? Sheldon, are you okay?
Sheldon: My stomach hurts.
Darren: He's gonna throw up.
Mary: Did you give him beer? Did they give you beer?!
[Mary follows Sheldon, Darren and Oscar into the dorm room]
Sheldon: Just root beer.
Mary: It's gonna be okay, baby. [Sheldon throws up] Oh. Why is it so colorful?
Sheldon: Too many... [gags] Skittles. [retches]

George Sr.: Where's the coffee?
George Jr.: I finished it.
George Sr.: When you finish a pot, you're supposed to make more.
Mary: Oh, is that the rule?
George Sr.: It is for him. Why are you reading my paper?
George Jr.: Well, pardon me for keeping up on events of the day.
George Sr.: Tomorrow's headline: Father Strangles Son.
George Jr.: Good luck. My horoscope says "things are looking up."

Adult Sheldon: Grown-ups and the elderly had always liked me, and now I had won over undergrads. Like a beloved board game, I'm fun for ages nine to 90.