George Sr.: Hey, Tom, you got a minute?
Principal Petersen: Pretty busy. Make it quick.
George Sr.: It turns out I don't need that raise.
Principal Petersen: What happened, you win the lottery?
George Sr.: No, no.
Principal Petersen: Aw, George, I am so sorry.
George Sr.: Well, what can you do?
Principal Petersen: Listen, I cleared your raise already, why don't you just keep the money.
George Sr.: Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
Principal Petersen: No. No, I mean it. It's yours.

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Principal Petersen: A student like Sheldon comes along... once in a lifetime. This school is not gonna be the same without him. But I know he's gonna do great things. And I'm honored to have been a small part of it.

Sheldon: You wanted to see me?
Principal Petersen: When don't I want to see you, Sheldon? Come in. I have something I'd like to give you. This is a key to the faculty restroom. No students allowed. One person at a time. And unlike the other restrooms, this one gets cleaned every night.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Principal Petersen: No, Sheldon. Thank you.
Sheldon: You're welcome.

Principal Petersen: I would love to, Sheldon, but there's a district rule that says a principal can't live next door to a student.
Sheldon: That makes sense.
Principal Petersen: Does it? Good.

George Sr.: What's going on? You all right?
Mary: I'm not feeling great.
George Sr.: Is it a pregnant thing? 'Cause I got some good news on that. I got a decent raise.
Mary: It doesn't matter.
George Sr.: What do you mean it doesn't matter? We can pull this off now.
Mary: I lost the baby.
George Sr.: Oh.
Mary: You're probably relieved, huh?
George Sr.: Actually no. I love the first three. Fourth one's a charm, right?

Rabbi Schneiderman: Can I ask how your parents feel about this?
Sheldon: Well, when I presented them with my plan, the words "over my dead body" were used.
Rabbi Schneiderman: [chuckles] I'm not surprised.
Sheldon: But they were similarly resistant when I wanted to get an ant farm and eventually they came around.
Rabbi Schneiderman: All right, here's what I'm gonna tell you to do. Read your Bible.
Sheldon: Already did, cover to cover.
Rabbi Schneiderman: Really?
Sheldon: Quiz me.
Rabbi Schneiderman: No, that's okay, I believe you. All right, my advice to you is to stay with the faith of your parents.
Sheldon: What else you got?
Rabbi Schneiderman: Okay. Then I'm gonna tell you to be your own man.
Sheldon: But I want to be a great scientist like Albert Einstein.
Rabbi Schneiderman: Sheldon, when your days are over, God will never ask you, "Why weren't you Einstein?" But he might ask you, "Why weren't you Sheldon?"

Sheldon: Thank you, but I will no longer be needing these.
Ms. Fenley: You're giving up so soon? What happened? Did it hurt your fingers?
Sheldon: No. I'm following the advice of a very wise Rabbi Schneiderman from Temple Judea in Houston.
Ms. Fenley: Is this another one of your jokes?
Sheldon: No. If it were a joke, your mouth would be open and the sound "ha-ha" would be coming out.