George: Tell me about your fun bachelor life.
Principal Petersen: Well, as of last week, I officially tasted every Campbell's soup.
George: [laughing] Come on, Tom. I'm trying to live vicariously here. There's got to be something good.
Principal Petersen: Let's see, I go hunting and fishing whenever I feel like it.
George: Now we're getting somewhere.
Principal Petersen: Spend my money on whatever I want.
George: Mm. What was the last thing you got?
Principal Petersen: Foreman fight on pay-per-view. I ate a bucket of chicken and watched it in my underwear.
George: You lucky bastard.
Principal Petersen: Uh-huh.

Sheldon: You wanted to see me?
Principal Petersen: When don't I want to see you, Sheldon? Come in. I have something I'd like to give you. This is a key to the faculty restroom. No students allowed. One person at a time. And unlike the other restrooms, this one gets cleaned every night.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Principal Petersen: No, Sheldon. Thank you.
Sheldon: You're welcome.

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Principal Petersen: A student like Sheldon comes along... once in a lifetime. This school is not gonna be the same without him. But I know he's gonna do great things. And I'm honored to have been a small part of it.

George: Hey, Tom, you got a minute?
Principal Petersen: Pretty busy. Make it quick.
George: It turns out I don't need that raise.
Principal Petersen: What happened, you win the lottery?
George: No, no.
Principal Petersen: Aw, George, I am so sorry.
George: Well, what can you do?
Principal Petersen: Listen, I cleared your raise already, why don't you just keep the money.
George: Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
Principal Petersen: No. No, I mean it. It's yours.

George: All right, almost there. Hand me a screwdriver.
Billy Sparks: Don't stick this in an outlet. It really tingles.
Brenda Sparks: We had an incident.

George: Look. I know you don't respect what I do as a coach.
Sheldon: Maybe you do know me.
George: But this is a thing I actually know about. I've seen it happen to my players. I've seen it happen to pros in golf. In baseball. The answer is always the same. Stop thinking and get out of your own way.
Sheldon: I don't know how to do that.
George: Have you ever heard the Nike slogan "Just do it"?
Sheldon: I'm familiar with the phrase "let's do it," uttered by Gary Gilmore, the last person to be executed by firing squad in America.
George: Okay, well, it's a shoe slogan. And it's good advice. The answer is already in your head. Don't think so hard. Just do it.
Sheldon: I'll try.
George: Good man.

Umpire: Strike!
Missy: Yes!
Dale: Aw, don't get all hysterical, little girl!
Missy: You suck!
Dale: You suck!
Missy: No! You suck!
Umpire: Strike!
Dale: I am the leader of the little people.