Principal Petersen: If you could have any job in the high school, what would it be?
George Sr.: [laughs] I don't know, why?
Principal Petersen: Sometimes I look at the janitor pushing around that buffing machine. That thing looks like a blast. He doesn't wear a tie. No fights with the school board. Vomit and feces aside, he's, he's living the dream.

Sheldon: You wanted to see me?
Principal Petersen: When don't I want to see you, Sheldon? Come in. I have something I'd like to give you. This is a key to the faculty restroom. No students allowed. One person at a time. And unlike the other restrooms, this one gets cleaned every night.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Principal Petersen: No, Sheldon. Thank you.
Sheldon: You're welcome.

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Principal Petersen: A student like Sheldon comes along... once in a lifetime. This school is not gonna be the same without him. But I know he's gonna do great things. And I'm honored to have been a small part of it.

George Sr.: Hey, Tom, you got a minute?
Principal Petersen: Pretty busy. Make it quick.
George Sr.: It turns out I don't need that raise.
Principal Petersen: What happened, you win the lottery?
George Sr.: No, no.
Principal Petersen: Aw, George, I am so sorry.
George Sr.: Well, what can you do?
Principal Petersen: Listen, I cleared your raise already, why don't you just keep the money.
George Sr.: Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
Principal Petersen: No. No, I mean it. It's yours.

George Sr.: Look. I know you don't respect what I do as a coach.
Sheldon: Maybe you do know me.
George Sr.: But this is a thing I actually know about. I've seen it happen to my players. I've seen it happen to pros in golf. In baseball. The answer is always the same. Stop thinking and get out of your own way.
Sheldon: I don't know how to do that.
George Sr.: Have you ever heard the Nike slogan "Just do it"?
Sheldon: I'm familiar with the phrase "let's do it," uttered by Gary Gilmore, the last person to be executed by firing squad in America.
George Sr.: Okay, well, it's a shoe slogan. And it's good advice. The answer is already in your head. Don't think so hard. Just do it.
Sheldon: I'll try.
George Sr.: Good man.

Adult Sheldon: Of all the tests one takes in school, my favorite was the midterm. Finals weren't bad, but they also meant summer was approaching. I don't believe in religion, but sunshine, picnics and pool parties are proof hell exists.

Sheldon: I can't remember what the zeroes of the Bessel function are.
Dr. Linkletter: You didn't memorize them?
Sheldon: Of course I did... October 7th, 1988. I had just had a bowl of Teddy Grahams.
Dr. Linkletter: Then what's the problem?
Sheldon: I'm blanking, but I'll get it.
Dr. Linkletter: Sorry, son, class is over.
Sheldon: No, I can do this.
Dr. Linkletter: It's just one question. You'll still pass.
Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper doesn't "just pass."
Dr. Linkletter: I have an idea. Let me see the test. [Sheldon hands him the test] Thank you.
Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper isn't always that gullible.
Dr. Linkletter: He was today.