Mary: Shelly, I was looking at your college catalog. There are a lot of fun clubs. Might be a nice way to make some new friends.
Sheldon: I don't need friends. I have Dr. Linkletter.
Mary: And he's fun, but... did you know that there's a Science Fiction Club? You like science fiction.
Sheldon: I prefer science fact.
Mary: Then maybe you might enjoy the Astronomy Club. Outer space and such.
Missy: Ooh. You can meet other people from your planet.
Mary: Read your magazine.
Sheldon: Why are you so interested in me joining a club?
Mary: I just want to make sure that you get the full college experience.
Sheldon: I suppose my so-called peers could benefit from my presence.
Mary: And you might benefit, too.
Sheldon: A nice thought, but I don't spread my sunshine for selfish reasons. Give me the catalog.
Missy: You tried, and that's what counts.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Sheldon: I'm hurt Dr. Linkletter doesn't want me as a friend.
Mary: Understandable.
Sheldon: I'm also angry. I don't like having two feelings at once. It's annoying. Great, annoyed. That's three.

[title: Sci-Fi Club:]
Sheldon: So, what kind of activities does the Science Fiction Club engage in?
Greg: Well, this Friday we're having a screening of Star Wars on laser disc.
Sheldon: I thought this was the Science Fiction Club.
Greg: It is.
Sheldon: Star Wars is science fantasy. The Force is basically magic. At that point, you might as well be watching The Hobbit.
Greg: That's next week.
Sheldon: This is madness.

Dr. Willard: The Moho lies between the mantle and the crust, and...
Sheldon: Excuse me, I'm looking for Dr. Linkletter.
Dr. Willard: He's not here.
Sheldon: Sorry for wasting your time. Oh, this is geology. You're already wasting your time.