Mary: I understand that you want to be appreciated for what you do, but so do I. This is my home and taking care of my family is the choice that I've made, and I am proud to do it.
Sam: Okay.
Mary: It is okay. And I am sorry if me baking cookies says something bad about women, but if you think that Sheldon is difficult to work with now, you should try him with low blood sugar, he is a monster.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Meemaw: All right, come on, let's talk about something else.
June: Okay.
Dr. John Sturgis: A lot of people here like to talk about the game.
Meemaw: Really? You speak sports now?
Dr. John Sturgis: I sure do. Check this out. Hey, ref! I suggest you go back to referee school and this time pay attention in class!
Man #1: You tell him, Doc.

Mary: How about you all come work at our house?
Sam: I guess if that's our only option.
Mary: It'll be fun. I'll make food. You can even bring your laundry.
Keith: That actually would be great.
Sheldon: Now this man's soiled underpants will be in my kitchen. Thank you.

Keith: How about we work in my dorm tomorrow?
Mary: Um, I don't know if a dormitory is the right environment for someone his age.
Sheldon: If you're worried about the beer-drinking, Dad has thoroughly desensitized me.