Mary: When I'm feeling down, do you know what I do?
All: Pray.
Mary: It works. In fact, I'm gonna pray for you tonight.
Missy: Everybody prays to God at night. Do it now while he's got some free time.

Missy: Eat dirt. Eat it.
Meemaw: Kick his ass!
Missy: Does it taste good? Huh?
Dale: Yeah, listen to your meemaw. Kick his ass!
Missy: You gonna cry? Huh? Do it. Cry.
Mary: Do something. Break it up.
George Sr.: H-Hang on. She's winning.
Mary: Missy! Missy Cooper, you stop beating up that boy!
Meemaw: Punch him in the nuts!

Missy: Someone's Underoos are in a knot.
Sheldon: My Underoos are fitting just fine, thank you.
Missy: Then why is there a stick up your butt?
Sheldon: Stop making inquiries about my bottom.
Missy: But I enjoy it.

[Sheldon sits on the top of the couch with his feet on the cushion]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm practicing the philosophy of cynicism... The ancient Greek view that the rules of society should be ignored.
Missy: If you're gonna break rules, you can do better than that.
Sheldon: How?
[Missy pushes Sheldon off the couch]

George Jr.: Should I be wearing all that?
Sheldon: I recommend it. Those rocks are filthy.
George Jr.: I'm good. God made dirt. Dirt don't hurt.

George Jr.: Tell me, Sheldon.
Sheldon: It occurred to me that a good way to generate a positive cash flow would be to curate popular songs and make them available in a digital form. Possibly on a small device that could also be used as a phone or even a camera.
George Jr.: Right. [mocking] A phone, camera, music machine. Get out of here.

George Jr.: "Sell blood or non-vital organs."
George Sr.: Mm, give 'em your brain. You're not using it. [Sheldon laughs] I think that's the only time I've ever heard you laugh.
Sheldon: That's the only time you've ever been funny.