Dale: Uh, you want to switch to light beer?
George: Hey. I may have boobs, but I'm still a man.

Meemaw: You praying?
Mary: I'm asking the Lord to watch over my little girl.
Meemaw: Well, while you're at it, ask Him for a win. I got money on this.
Mary: You bet on a kids' baseball game?
Meemaw: I got three to one odds.

Sheldon: Ooh, the long-awaited rebuttal. "While I still believe my theory has merit, I will concede that your point has some validity." My point has some validity. My point has some validity! Yes!
Adult Sheldon: That day, both my sister and I emerged victorious from savage battles. Hers fought with fists, mine with words.
Sheldon: What does my point have? Some validity!
Adult Sheldon: Although we were both pretty sore the next day.

Sheldon: [knocking] Missy?
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Sometimes I imagine that I'm an ion with a positive charge and they're an ion with a negative charge. It's so that whatever they say bounces off me and sticks to them.

Mary: Missy, how was practice?
Missy: So good.
Meemaw: Tell us everything.
Missy: The boys were a little mean at first, but I handled it.
[flashback:]
Missy: Can I warm up with you?
Rick: I don't play baseball with girls.
Missy: Really? Your friend's playing with one.
Luke: Ooh!
[back]
Meemaw: I am so proud of you.

Georgie: [answering phone] Hello.
Lisa: Hi, Georgie. It's Lisa, from English class.
Georgie: Oh, hey. What's up?
Lisa: I was wondering if you could help me with our homework.
Georgie: Crap, we have homework?
Lisa: You're so funny.
Georgie: I think so. Most people don't.

Sheldon: It's just so easy. All you do is type in the Usenet address: "sci dot theory dot physics dot research dot quantum." Press enter, and it comes right up. [modem screeching]
Tam: Careful. In WarGames, Matthew Broderick almost blew up the world.
Sheldon: The only thing I'm gonna be blowing up is this fellow's flimsy argument. That was one of my classic jokes; feel free to laugh. [modem finally stops screeching] See? Like magic.

Missy: Get out, I need to change.
Sheldon: You seem upset.
Missy: I am.
Sheldon: I was right? Good for me.
Missy: Just get out. Wait. You get picked on all the time. How do you deal with it?
Sheldon: Who's picking on you?
Missy: It doesn't matter, just tell me.
Sheldon: I usually start by telling myself how much smarter I am than the person who's picking on me, but that won't work for you.
Missy: Out.

Lisa: Hi, Georgie.
Georgie: Hey.
Lisa: I like that jacket.
Georgie: Then you'll probably like my pants; they're made of the same stuff.

Dale: Well, I-I was married for 18 years and I got to tell you, those were the two best years of my life.
George: Ah. What's it like, you know, being single at your age?
Dale: Why, you thinking about it?
George: No, no, everything's fine. Happily married, just, uh, just curious.
Dale: Yeah. Come on, now. She's not here. Well, to answer your question, it's just great. See, I get to wander around my house in my underwear, and I can make whatever bodily noises I choose whenever I choose.
George: Ah. I do that now.
Dale: Well, then, you got yourself a keeper.

Dale: Well, hey, tell me something about this guy she was seeing.
George: Mm. The scientist.
Dale: Really? A scientist?
George: Yeah, not with test tubes; more with arithmetic, thinking and stuff.
Dale: Uh-huh. A physicist.
George: There you go. Yeah. Nice enough fella. Always reminded me of that cartoon owl in the Tootsie Pop commercials.
Dale: Hmm. Well, why'd they break up?
George: Uh, you know. You know, things happen.
Dale: Uh-huh. What things?
George: Eh.
Dale: Come on, now. At least tell me if there's something I need to worry about.
George: Oh, no. Connie's rock solid. Unless you put on a little weight. Then you will hear about it.

Sheldon: Hey, Clark. Today's the day.
Clark: It's in the back. I'll go get it.
George: What's he getting?
Sheldon: A direct-connect 300 baud modem.
George: How much?
Sheldon: Don't worry, I'm using my allowance. Plus, Clark gave me a healthy discount for helping with his application to medical school.

George: Well, let's see. Uh, he likes to drink, likes to hunt. Uh, he's got a son who's divorced.
Meemaw: I know all this. Go on.
George: That's all I got.
Meemaw: You are useless.
George: When he comes to his senses and dumps you, I'm gonna stay friends with him.
Meemaw: Good. If he dumps me, he deserves to suffer.

George: You sure you don't want me to stay?
Sheldon: You promised you'd take me to RadioShack.
George: Sheldon, this is a big day for your sister.
Missy: I'm fine, Dad.
George: Come on. I really don't want to go to RadioShack.

George: Guess who I'm grabbing a beer with. Your new friend, Dale.
Meemaw: Are you kidding me?
Sheldon: You were right, she's not happy.