Pastor Jeff: Mary, he's a snake oil salesman, taking people's money and promising 'em all kinds of riches.
Mary: Well... Then how do you explain this check I got from the IRS?
Pastor Jeff: $800.
Mary: I sent Reverend Travis $50 and that came the very next day.
Pastor Jeff: Oh, come on. It had to be in the mail before you sent your money in.
Mary: Did it?
Pastor Jeff: Of course. I'm as patriotic as the next guy, but our postal service flat-out sucks. Excuse my French.

Pastor Jeff: Do you trust in Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior? [CeeCee coos] Close enough. It's on your profession of faith that I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy...
Missy: [enters] Hey.
Mary: Hey, sweetie. How was school?
Missy: What's going on here?
Mary: Just washing CeeCee's hair.
Pastor Jeff: Mm.
Missy: With Pastor Jeff?
Pastor Jeff: It takes a village.
Missy: Whatever. [walks off]
Mary: [whispers] Go, go, go, go.
Pastor Jeff: ... and the Holy Spirit. Amen. [Mary gasps] In your face, Catholics. [they high-five]

Pastor Jeff: Mary, the racoons got into the communion wafers again.